I'll spare you the details of my life story, some already know stuff about me and others might not.

Basically I have big problems with impulse control. It isn't just gambling-related. My sex life and eating habits are also largely impacted. Right now I'm on Adderall 7.5mg about to increase to 10mg. I feel like it's had a really positive impact on my life overall, but my impulse control is still suffering greatly.

It's getting to the point where it is ruining any hopes of me making progress in life. 2 years ago I was borderline suicidal, but now I've got those problems under control and my life is a lot better, but I want to make progress beyond not wanting to stab myself. I don't really enjoy blowing my bankroll in a week and then having to rebuild, or trolling the web for girls to sleep with me, etc.

I've tried various SSRIs, older/newer meds and nothing has really worked. I've tried to "take it one day at a time" and get into good habits but it always falls apart in one fell swoop.

I have/had a really really ****ed up relationship with my parents, especially my mom. Therapy helped a bit but I quit after a year since I felt like the benefits were plateauing.

Are there any over the counter things I could try? Meditation? Listen to music? Etc. I'm sure some others here have gone through similar problems and might be able to help.

Things I've tried and haven't shown much benefit:

Eating healthier
Exercise
Fish oil
Krill oil
Vitamins B and D
SAM-e

So I'm looking for something similar to those, but something I haven't tried yet. I don't want to just throw money away on some vitamins/supplements, but I'm very willing to give something new a try if it comes with some advice/personal experience.

It's frustrating because I know I should eat healthier, exercise, and show self control, but I need help fighting the impulses in order to actually do it.

details about ****ed up relationship with parents?

This is probably directly related to your ADHD. Keep up with medication, go back to therapy. Find a new therapist if necessary.

One really really ****ed up story is that I was living at home a few years ago and my younger brother was/is failing out of high school, since he just sits and plays video games all the time. I tried to help get him into some sort of study routine and he resisted until my mom came home and told me I had no right to tell him what to do, and he was "fine" and everyone was making a big deal out of nothing, since I guess getting Ds and Fs in basic 9th grade math is no big deal to her and her son (my brother.) I figured since I'm naturally bright and passed the class easily back when I had it, I could help him out and make sure he does some homework but nope, my mom stopped that dead in its tracks and told my brother to go back to his room and play video games if he wanted. I tried to talk to my mom calmly about what the hell she was saying but she slammed a door in my face. I lost it for a bit and told her to **** off and then apologized after a night of remorse and crying. That's the kind of emotional roller coaster I was on when I was around her on a daily basis.

Other reasons I don't get along w/ or talk to my mom:

Parents forced me to go to church until I left for college.

My mom was just plain mean/abusive to me for years. Never, ever gave me anything without strings attached. When I turned 16 she would let me borrow her car but would make me clean my room, fold all my church clothes, do all the dishes, and then add $20 in gas to her car even though it was like a 20 mile roundtrip for me. Then we wouldn't talk for days on end. The worst part was that when I didn't know how to do something and asked her for help she would ignore me and tell me to "figure it out" and then if it was wrong she would tell me to keep trying. Stuff like folding dress pants where I didn't know/care how to do it and instead of her teaching me how to do it right she would make me keep trying until it made me late for my plans or made me cancel them altogether and just sit in my room all night.

Or when I was looking for something in the house and she knew where it was she wouldn't tell me. Like I'm going to clean the bathroom and trying to figure out where she keeps the toilet bowel cleaner and she just walks away and says "I'm busy" and it takes me 15 min to find it hidden behind soup cans or something instead of her just telling me where it normally is.

She is/was just a huge b*tch. The last straw was when we were on a months long "not talking to each other" thing and I grabbed some of her cereal and she immediately started getting in my face to pay her $3 for the cereal instead of asking nicely or letting me have 15 seconds to ****ing offer to pay her or go to the store to replace it, which I normally would do. She just disrespects me and doesn't talk to me unless she needs something or wants to harass me. I'm a nice person who uses common sense and I always do stuff like offer to buy people food if I'm going to the store, which she never bothered to do when I lived w/her.

For something like school clothes, she would take me to the mall and tell me I could get some $20 shirts on clearance, and since I was working part time cutting grass and other jobs I offered to have her pay $20 towards a $40 shirt so I could have a nice one and she said I could either have the $20 one or nothing and that I was spoiled.

I was always basically uncomfortable around her, never felt right asking her for anything, whether it was money or advice or anything at all. I'm not talking about borrowing $200 to play poker, but it would have been cool if she like tossed me a $10 once in a while to help me pay for a movie when I was 14-16 and trying to go out during weekends. The fact is, she was more likely to demand money from me, for gas or "wear and tear on her car" or something stupid which was really messed up.

My dad was always just like "listen to your mom" and didn't ever defend me against her. He watched TV all the time and didn't really talk much except to remind me how big of a piece of **** I was for living there for free. He would even keep track of the exact amount of weeks I lived there and used it to "motivate me" by throwing it in my face almost daily.

He moved out about 6 months after I had enough and moved in w/other family.

Right now I get free therapy at a place near my house since I don't make a lot of money and qualify for it.

I can afford a few sessions but don't want to pay $200 a month for treatment if I can help it. I've looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which seems good but can't find anyone around here who offers it, and I've tried to set up appointments with doctors but they are all booked for like 3 months+.

The treatment I get is alright, it's just really hard to recover from a messed up relationship w/my parents, especially when I still live within 5 miles of both of them and never talk to them.

I don't think ADHD can be blamed for your irresponsibility. In almost every instance you've referred to your own failures in the third person, as though failure to exercise or control your impulses just happen at you like the weather, whereas you're very much present in the instances where there's an upside. You own both outcomes, and until you embrace that fact you're going to keep going in circles trying to angle shoot a way to get all the benefits of work and commitment without having to do anything to earn it.

You keep taking the path of least resistance up to and including flaking out on good choices so that you can make bad ones instead. You're now looking for someone to vet another easy path to follow that will have a positive outcome instead of all the perfectly valid other paths that you don't stick with.

There's no easy answer other than getting your **** together. I'm sorry your family stinks but that's the hand you were dealt. Overcome it, or submit to a troubled existence filled with constant struggle.

Don't wanna be rude but did you read the last sentence, and the last 13 words specifically?

Watch the show Hoarders to gain some perspective. You think those people are just lazy or immature? They're sick, and some good treatment (therapy and meds) usually will help people like them.

Three things you'll need:
1. Education - You need to understand how people work, what drives them, and what causes their behavior.
2. Self-awareness - You need to understand how YOU work, what drives you, and what causes your behavior.
3. Behavior change - You need to change how you work, change what drives you, and ultimately change your behavior.

CBT will help you with step 3, but steps 1 and 2 are important to have before you can effect long-lasting changes.

Personal responsibility is important, but Poker Reference is way way way overemphasizing it. This is not a failure caused directly by your lack of responsibility.

The part where you just make excuses for your own choices?

You are not sick -- just a **** up. If you want to change your life just make different choices instead of excuses.

I bet changing your socks and undershirts will help you lots (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/34...hirts-1088372/ for those that otherwise think that comment is weird).

Definitely sounds like a case for therapy to me, but it's sad that the affordable care isn't helping enough.

Your mom may indeed be horrible but these "standard things moms do"examples are piss poor.

When someone is borderline suicidal, they're usually sick and in need of real help.

Don't mind H17 & PR, they choose to dismiss people with problems as having a lack of personal responsibility. It's much simpler to look at "losers" that way.

He was suicidal because his life sucked. His life sucked because he made bad choices. The solution to that is to make better choices.

My mom gave me $2 for lunch money from first grade through my senior year. If a shirt cost $20, she wouldn't buy it because that was too expensive. When I went with friends somewhere like the mall and I forgot to call her to let her know where I was she would come looking for me. I was not allowed to go to parties or any kind of activity where there might be drinking and/or drugs.

Your mother doesn't sound bad at all.

He knows exactly what he needs to do to make his life better. He claims to want to do it. Yet he doesn't.

That quackery has made being a **** up a disease and allows an entire generation to escape responsibility for their own choices is not a good thing.

Which sentence? "I need help fighting the impulses in order to actually do it"?

The thing is, it's more satisfying and familiar for you to follow those impulses than to subjugate them to the higher purpose of bettering your life. You don't want to blow your bankroll and bang ugly chicks? Then don't. It's not serving you. No supplement is going to "help" you with that; only your own will to build a better life for yourself.

Everybody struggles with procrastination and impatience. The people who succeed and have something worth having in the end are those who push through it.

Are you a hoarder? I'm not saying you don't have problems. I'm saying you don't have the kind of problems that you can use as hall pass to get through through life. You didn't flee a war zone, I presume you aren't a quadriplegic, your parents might have sucked but a lot of people's do.

The world is simply not set up to accommodate everyone without penalty while they dilly-daddle and search for the perfect combination of history, nutrition, finances, family, occupation and health, waiting for the water to be the right temperature before they jump in.

He says he doesn't want to engage in bad behaviour but does. He says he wants to engage in good behaviour but doesn't. He won't change anything until he reverses those.

Although my father is a psychiatrist, and I'm fairly sure I disagree with you regarding alot of topics concerning mental disease/issues... I sort of agree with you on some level.

Hedgingly,
-Sal

It's a balanced approach - I think that often times what we see in therapy is a real de-emphasizing of "personal accountability". My guess is H17 and PR are over-correcting in their posts.

Therapists incentives are aligned with coddling you as a patient. I'm personally skeptical of alot of ADHD type diagnoses (as is my father, a psychiatrist for 30+ years). This isn't something to just brush over when assessing what one should do, imo.

However, and more to your point: there are real genetic/contextual drivers that may make it more difficult for someone to make good decisions. But ultimately, it is a choice - engage in self-destructive behavior as a palliative, or go hit the gym. One shouldn't gloss over that fact either.

So again, a balanced approach is best, imo.

Grunch:

His mother's actions might seem trivial to us. But, to him, those actions are how his mother's cold-heartedness shows itself. The important thing is not what she did, but rather what OP thinks is why she did it:

E.g., (very hyperbolic example), if your mom said you couldn't play video games, that in itself wouldn't seem so bad. But if you knew (or strongly felt) that the reason she said that was she resents you or doesn't love you -- say you're her rape baby -- you'd feel crushed. And if, analogous to what OP did, you happened to post on a forum, "My mom hates me and doesn't let me play video games," you'd look silly, even if the reasoning behind that post was sound.

Now tone that down to something less hyperbolic and macabre and you'd sort of get what OP is (possibly) feeling right now. His mistake in that post, though, was dedicating too many words to the actions themselves but not to exploring her attitude/disposition toward him, which mistake made it seem as if his point was her actions were the main ****ty thing. And that can't be his point.

edit: But of course, that doesn't rule out that such feelings of lovelessness could be more OP's "fault" than his mother's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk4Zu...eature=related

Re: my mom

I haven't had a "normal" conversation with her in at least 15 years, if ever. It has always, without fail, ended in her demanding that I do something (usually, something for her) or her lecturing me or pointing out my mistakes.

Example: Last year I got a compliment from a supervisor at work and she said I would probably be in line for a promotion and raise in a few months. Instead of being happy or even neutral, my mom came back with "well yeah but it's not full time and there's no health benefits." Meanwhile the job is a steady 30+ hours a week and I have 2 jobs so it's not like I sit around all day doing nothing. I regularly work weekends, holidays, overtime, 7 day weeks, 14+ days in a row during busy times, etc as well.

So you mother is negative and a bitch -- I still don't see why this has anything to do with you making ****ty decisions.