maybe my relationship experiences have been outliers, but generally if i'm attracted to my partner i don't get "bored" of sex with them or really ever seriously consider other women.

it's definitely possible that i'm the weird one here. regardless, OP's situation isn't borne out of "my super hot wife who always wants sex is awesome, but i wanna bang other chicks". he's trying to initiate and getting shut down frequently on top of the fact that his wife has gained quite a bit of weight.

He already said she has gotten fat and he is not that attracted to her anymore, so trying to get her all worked up so she might throw him a bone is bad advice.

I say go for it man, but be careful not to fall in love with the waitress and dont get caught. Just remember every woman has one of those between her legs.

Are there really significant numbers of men who never consider trying to pleasure their woman to improve their sex life? Seems impossible to be that oblivious.

Very good point.

Did he fk the waitress or not?

So you're all really worried that your partners are not only going to have momentary lapses in self control, but then a) not use birth control, b) carry the child to term, and c) lie to you and force you to raise someone else's child? I mean, I accept that this is a valid response, but yeesh. I'm just glad that this will all become a non-issue once male birth control pills become a thing.


Mostly blathering. I'm assuming OP is in the middle of a 24-hour ball-draining session of hot waitress sex.

Dlk9s,

Now you know how I feel!

Ninetynine99,

How on earth did 'cheated' become 'cheeseburgered' in the post you quoted??

That's what I said early in the thread. With the type of marriage they have, she might very well beat him to it.

I'd like to hear RJ's opinion. It's been brought to my attention in the past year or so that a disproportionate number of men don't give head to their women; likely comparable to the amount of women that dislike it but do it anyways.

He tried, but she is a serial killer moving from town to town.

lmao

Op, I can't comment on what you should do, but I can say that in my life (as a single, attractive guy who just hit 30) it's not like those wild crazy nights and things you listed happen all that often. Our lives are not like an american pie movie or something.

Just be the type of man who commands respect through your actions, take care of yourself physically and have a conversation with your wife about doing the same. Tell her that as parents you both need to be prioritizing health and additionally that the current state of your sex life (or lack thereof) isn't sustainable for you. If you love her and are as happy with all the other aspects of the relationship give her a chance to get her act together. If she doesn't and you guys break up this won't be the last woman you have a chance to sleep with. Sex is a big part of a relationship, and there's no reason not to be honest about what's going on if it's to the extent you feel you need to cheat. If you can't keep it real with your wife then who can you keep it real with?

Correction: Southern Europe.

the "she'll kill ya" crowd is amusing. that **** is just too funny. "c'mon... she's a 9, you're a 6. one could reach no other conclusion. this is a stone honey pot."

grunch

I'm probably too late but what the heck it's an internet forum.

I'm married too, I have a daughter, and I've been tempted to cheat on several occasions. My wife is a 10, which is different from what you're saying your situation is, but like you, we have sex maybe 10 times a year due to the combination of insanely busy lives and our special-needs daughter sapping all of energy. I travel for business 30 times a year, so believe me, I have plenty of chances.

My opinion is this: The day you made a CONSCIOUS decision to become a parent is the day you made a CONSCIOUS decision that YOUR LIFE NO LONGER BELONGS TO YOU - IT BELONGS TO YOUR KIDS.

You no longer have the right to make decisions based on whether or not they're what's best for *you*. If there's *any* chance at all they could hurt your kids (and there *is* that chance no matter *how* much you think you can hide your indiscretion from your wife), you don't have a decision to make - you already *made* it when you decided to become a father.

Sorry if it isn't what you wanted to hear, but hope it helped.

DTXCF

EDIT: *Every* married man has wrestled with this decision. You're not alone. Far from it in fact.

it's something he has to live with, telling his wife would only do well in getting rid of his guilt. So if he ****s up why put the pain on his wife just so he can feel less guilty?

I wonder how many people who are okay with this guy breaking his marital vows which is a form of a contract would be okay if they and this guy had a staking contract and the OP decided not to pay up because he unilaterally decided the staker hadn't lived up to some nebulous term not even defined in the contract.

dude, get over the fact that your ex ****ed some other dude, thus breaking the vow, while you were some stand-up, unimpeachable husband.

traditional vows are a joke. the fact that you think you can just love someone forever, never hurt them, etc. is naive and childish.

realistic vows should include some sort of '**** happens' clause.

Being the married and mature adult that I am, I don't think he should smash out the waitress, but sure as hsit wish he would. Would make for a more interesting story

My believing in marriage vows has nothing to do with being cheated on or being a Christian. It has to do with believing in living up to my promises.

Sorry you don't feel the need for people to live up to promises.

The correct answer to this OP is couples therapy.

do you think it was a realistic promise?

Its tough in America where feeding the baby off the shelf is the convenient thing to do, but a ton of changes occur during pregnancy, including putting a bunch of fat on, meant to be converted to milk to sustain the infant for years. If you don't breast feed, its pretty hard to get rid of the fat, since a lot of your priorities have changed from 'me me' to 'them them', and all the psychological energy it takes to take care of kids.

Says the 15 year old who understands nothing about real life. Tons of couples hold true to their vows and never cheat.

Sure it's a realistic promise. But it really doesn't matter, that's the promise married people make. You keep the promise.

That's just ridiculous.

It would actually be more like the guy been staked to play MTTs on Pokerstars and deciding to play a bit of Rush poker on fulltilt on his own dime one Saturday night.

Putting a bunch of fat on is not necessary to have a baby. What is the process for converting fat into milk exactly?