Rofl that's such justice right there

Finally making my contribution after many hours of good reading ITT. It is on the weird end, not really funny.

A couple years ago at Harrah's AC. Play 1-2 NL and have been friendly with a guy sitting across from me (he is in the 1 seat, me in the 4) and his brother who is also playing at the table. He's got a stack of somewhere around $1,000 after a few good hands. He has it very neatly organized into, IIRC, 4 stacks of 50 chips (plus whatever overage on the side). He has even nitted it up and lined up all the the color spots on the side of the chips. The guy in the 2 seat, who had somewhat been participating in our conversation, is kind of eying his extra tall stack and suddenly says "TIMMMMMBBBBBBEEER!!!" and knocks it over in the middle of preflop action. Action is on the 1 seat as this happens, he is just glaring/staring at the 2 seat in disbelief at what just happened, mucks his card without looking, pulls all his chips back into a pile behind the line, says "I have no idea what to even do about that and I need to go outside and think about it before I do anything rash" (or something like that). I decide it is a good time to go outside for a cig and talk him down from kicking the guy's ass when he gets back.

I think the guy apologized when we got back and 1 seat let it go but was definitely one of the odder behaviors I've see at the table.

"TIMMMMMBBBBBBEEER!!!"

I love it. I've seen a lot of guys do this to fellow players they know well and are friendly with, but never with such gusto.

i thought that was known as a "chip-alanche"

From Bluff Magazine July 2006 by Adam Slutsky.

http://www.bluffmagazine.com/magazin...utsky-1249.htm

I still make jokes about this article today.

Wow. Only thing I can think of that comes close to that was a televisied tournament (probably WSOP), Tony G is at a table with an amateur that's probably playing for life-changing money. Amateur is playing with pictures of his kids at the table.

Tony wins a pot from amateur and screams at him--"I'll take all your money, and your children will starve!"

Hello 2+2. First post so I hope it is worthy. 2 or 3 months ago, Friday night at California Grand in Concord Ca. 3 guys in hand to river with 4 to straight on board. Pot is around $70, seat 1 is newie, checks. Seat 9 is regular bets $25. Seat 10 is old Asian regular (AR) who is drunk off his arse, calls. Seat 1 shoves for about $75 more pushing chips forward. Seat 9 fold. Seat 10 didn’t see the raise or thought he was heads up with seat 9 so he releases his hand. Dealer muck his hand and ships to seats 1. Standard right?

Well, 5 or 6 sec later,
AR says in old Asian guy accent, “ wooo, where my cars?”
Dealer “you mucked”
AR “ ISHHHHH!!!!!! I NO MUCK!!! I CALL HIMM.” referring to seat 9.
Dealer “he raised.”
AR “ AHHHHH!!!” like someone just stabbed him, “I CALL HIM” again referring to seat 9.
Dealer point to seat 1 and says “he go all in, you mucked”
AR “ISHHHHH!!!

Rest of table is ready to move on to next hand

AR “I NO MUCK!!!

Floor finally comes over and gets the story from dealer, rest of table agrees. Floor tells AR hand is over and his cards were dead because he released them to a raise.
AR “ISHHHHH!!! I NO MUCK I want my money!”
Floor “your hand is dead and we are moving on. Dealer deal next hand.”
AR “I want my money!!!”
Floor “sir you need to settle down or you need to leave”
AR “gip me fi hungred dolla and I go”
Floor “okay go outside and I will bring you $500.
AR “NO! I wan my money!”
Floor “that’s it” picks up AR’s chips and taks to cage to cash him out then walks to front where you go to sign up for a seat before him give AR is money.

Where they are is about 40 feet away from my table but you can still hear them clearly.

Floor “you can leave for tonight or you can leave forever. You chose.”
AR “ISHHHHH!!!
Floor “you chose”
AR “AAHHHHH!

General manager shows up to see what’s going on. AR starts taking his shirt off which draws the attention of everyone in the building, about 300 people. I have feeling he isn’t stopping with the shirt so I look away and hear everyone else in the room freak out. All the women scream in horror and all the men are laughing. AR drop his pants and underwear all the way to the ground for a second then pulls them back up. Everyone can’t believe what they just saw, some were rubbing their eyes to try and get the image out.
Cops take another 15 or 20 min to get there and arrest AR for trespassing. I came in the next week and while talking to the floor found out AR owns the sushi bar across the street and is really nice guy but is now 86 for life. Moral of story, protect your hand and know when to quit before you lose your pants.

Commerce Casino Thursday afternoon about a year and a half ago $2/$3 game. I was in the 5 seat with my friend right behind me. Seat 1 ( a tall, late 20's thug type ) and seat 6 ( a mid 30's short asian guy ) were in a battle of words from the moment i sat down. Every hand, even if neither was involved they were throwing jabs at each other. I was enjoying the show and then I guess seat 6 took it a bit too far when he made an all in river bet against Seat 1, seat 1 folded, and seat 6 said " you have no balls ". Seat 1 got up, all 6'3" , and said " say that again! I'll show my balls and then some ". Seat 6 responded with " yeah yeah yeah, whatever lets play cards ".

3 hands later, these guys are still arguing, and Seat 1 accidentally sais " I cant wait to take your money Seat 5 ". Now Im like WTF!!! So I say " what did I do?? " Seat 6 sais " you see he cant even count, he just lucky ". Seat 1 said " I apologize big dog, hey if i take his money I' ll buy you and your friend a drink ". Seat 6 " Oh yeah, If I take his money I'll buy you drinks and dinner ". Seat 1 " Drinks, Dinner, and $25 for yall " . Seat 6 " Drinks, Dinner, and $50 ". Now Im fkn stoked. Hoping one of them takes the others chips ( preferably seat 6 as he offerd the most ) Eventually seat 1 took his stack in 1 hand he went buck wild, bought me and my friend 4 beers dineer and gave me $25.

best beers and asian cuisine ive ever had.

Great article.

priceless read. Thank you for this

Great thread A++. I just wasted a good 2 hours of precious studying time reading it GG.

Pala Casino in San Diego-Escondido:

Friend and I are about to walk through the front door when we see a middle aged asian man (AM) and what we're gonna choose to believe is his wife (WF). She's nagging him pretty bad about the money he's lost during the course of the night.

Of course, being the fine upstanding citizens we are, we decide to find a reason to stay outside and watch this debacle. I pull out my blackberry and he smokes a cigarette while we wait for the inevitable fun to begin.

WF: *unintelligible yammering with the occasional curse word here and there*
AM: *something in their own language, I'd wager Vietnamese if I had to*
WF smacks him in the face.
AM turns BRIGHT red. Like a firetruck. He then releases a bellow that we have only seen on those Animal Planet shows. Here's my best internet impression of it:

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

(think 'It's over 9000', etc.)

...and then he slams her against the big glass doors at the entrance. Security quickly puts a stop to this and drags them both off to parts unknown.

Best. First Post. Ever.

I was literally in tears laughing by the end of this article.

how bout this for weird:

last summer I was beat by quads 3 times in 45 mins. at taj mahal AC

J-J-J-J...5-5-5-5...9-9-9-9

Dude - awesome line!!!

This happened yesterday.

Playing 1/2NL, table was deep, most players were over $400 and a couple are at 800. This kid is at about $600 and he decides to call it a day. He's racking up his chips and the dealer deals him that last hand. He literally has his chips in the rack and is standing up. He looks, then sits back down and raises to $50. He then proclaims, "You guys know i'm leaving so i'm only raising with one hand, think about it and fold".

One of the $800 stacks (bully type LAG) reraises him to $150 and then the other big stack says, "All in" for $800+. Kid tanks for a minute and then says, "F--- it, lets dance" and shoves his two racks of chips in the pot. The bully big stack says, "Bad timing" and then he calls.

They flip their cards over.

Kid has KK
Bully has AA
Other big stack has AA

BOARD($2200): 4 9 7 7 K

BOOM. Table explodes, bully goes apeshtt, Kid racks up $1800 and says, "Looks like that was pretty good timing" and then leaves.

awesome stuff. would of loved to witness that

Great, funny story. Thanks for the link.

After reading it, I was reminded of a similar- tho non-poker related incident- of "the perverse leading the gullible."

When I was about 5 or 6, my Mom and Dad decided that it would be nice to take us kids to spend Christmas with my maternal grandmother. My sister was quite young since she's four years my junior, but my brother is only a year younger than me and was widely regarded as the more mischevious child. We arrived in time for a Christmas Eve supper after which my Grandmother insisted that we open the gift she had for each of us. My brother was delighted with his new cowboy boots and prolly didn't even notice that he looked rather silly because the long, sharp toe of the damn things made him look like he was wearing pixie shoes. He even put them on as soon as we awoke Christmas morning and opened the rest of his gifts wearing his pajamas and those cowboy boots.

Christmas dinner was a very big deal to my Momma's family. My Grandmother had seven brothers and sisters, six of whom lived close-by, and all of whom attended this banquet with their families. This included two of my great uncles. Uncle Conn was the eldest of the generation and, not surprisingly, the most reserved and thoughtful. My Uncle Buck, whom we adored, was always plying us with unexpected little gifts, never failed to join us in a "wrestlin' match" or provide some sort of kid-friendly entertainment that we found enormously funny. He was also the family prankster.

As you can likely imagine, there's a lot of food served at this particular meal and my Uncle Conn wasn't a bit shy about helping himself until fully satiated. He then retired to the La-Z-Boy recliner in the living room, in which he invariably fell asleep within ten minutes despite the cacophony and goings-on of Christmas afternoon.

I'm not sure if it was Uncle Conn's perceived right of entitlement to that La-Z-Boy or his loud snoring that rankled my Uncle Buck that day, but I do know that he motioned for my brother to join him on the couch. Uncle Buck whispered something that seemingly surprised my brother because I remember him shaking his head "no" and blurting out, "No way," to which Uncle Buck said, "Shhhhhhhhh." After another minute or two, Uncle Buck kinda pushed him off the couch and quietly said, "Go ahead."

My brother walked over to the reposing Uncle Conn, stood right in front of him, looked back at Uncle Buck and pointed at Uncle Conn's right leg. Uncle Buck gave him a vigorous head nod in the affirmative.

I'll never forget what happened next.

My brother delivered a vicious kick and planted the toe of that boot in the center of Uncle Conn's shin.

Needless to say, all Hell broke loose. Uncle Conn almost toppled over 'cause he was grabbing his shin and tryin' to stand up at the same time. He was also near-apoplectic with rage and spouting invectives that were very uncharacteristic of him. My brother stood there, bewildered and scared shitless, and looked like he was either gonna cry or pee his pants. Uncle Buck was laughing so hard I momentarily thought he was crying. When the proverbial dust settled- which happened only after the women-folk came bursting into the living room demanding an explanation for the uproar- Uncle Buck "fessed-up."

My Grandmother: "Buck, did you put that child up to doin' that?"

Buck: "Well, sorta."

My Grandmother: "You either you did or you didn't. What did you tell him?"

Buck (stalling): "I told him that Conn got his leg shot off during the war and that it was replaced with a wooden leg. I don't think he believed me so I told him to go over there and kick it as hard as he could because he won't even feel it. I'll be damned if he didn't do just that."

Awesome! Your real-life Uncle Buck sounds every bit as good as the John Candy version.

live poker, opening to 25x

happened just the other day at the hard rock, table drinking and friendly, players agree that the next winner of pretty big pot pays for drinks for the table, older guy wins buys the table drinks, and then somebody finds out that one of the guys is underage. After a long drawn out dilemma with cops and stuff , they arrest the guy that bought the drinks for contributing to a minor. classic.

what about the dealer brush and cocktail server, they all put the underage person there.

First post- sorry if I get things wrong.
Last week at WSOP in Hammond, nearing the money bubble in 500 HE, Big stack at table has not played for a while. Cute, young female from Alabama who has had a few drinks, says in her nice southern drawl - "Big stack, when did you become such a pu**y?" Nice tension reliever, although the dealer had some trouble dealing the next hand because he was laughing so hard.

A few years back, was playing a 5-10 lmt HE, waiting to get into 10-20. Some guy in a red shirt keeps coming over to our table from the 10-20, saying "we need to go" to a player. Somebody asks what's that about, and the player says, we are going to New Orleans in red shirt guy's Cadillac, and says red shirt is from Lexington but sounds like from he's New York.

I get called to the 10-20, seated across from red shirt guy. After an orbit or so, I say "I'm thinking you are from central Kentucky, maybe Lexington, is that right? He looks at me funny and says "yes, but how did you know that, I don't have an accent?" I say " I just get a feeling once in a while."

A few hands later, I ask, "do you drive a big car, maybe a Cadillac?" He looks at me funny again, and asks how did I know that? I say, "sometimes I just get a thought and like to check it out." In the meantime, I'm on a heater and have won a bunch of hands and caught a couple of bluffs, which of course got shown down.

Finally, I look at him and say "I'm sensing that you have some connection with New Orleans, do you live there?" Red shirt jumps up from the table and says "damn, this guy has ESP, I'm not playing here anymore" and starts to grab a rack. I relent, and tell him that I knew all that because his buddy told me.

At the WSOP 1K this year, a new guy sits down and the gentleman to my right who is wearing a bandana, asks where he is from. New guy says in a distinclty British accent 'England." The British guy doesn't say a word for the first orbit. Finally, he looks over with a very serious look to the guy wearing the bandana and says in his classic British accent "Is your head damaged?"

In the same tourney, maybe 7 hours in, a gent stand up and yells at the top of his lungs, G** Dam* MFing Ace." I'm thinking he didn't like the A on the river, and shortly thereafter, a number of folks escorted him outside the tables.

Get out of here! Get me the guys number who got arrested. He will get a financial settlement or I will jump off a bridge. That is crazy.

seeing the table drunk rack up to leave is never funny