1/3 underground game.

Scandanavian guy in Seat 10 is hammered. He's about $800 into the game, and after playing every hand for half an hour, betting big, and getting players to fold, he's about even for the session. As he gets drunker, he seems to forget how to speak English and how to bet. At one point he says, "Raise, 185," and puts $90 into the pot. The dealer tries to explain to him for two minutes that he needs to put another $95 into the pot. Scandanavian keeps saying, "Oh," and either taking out or putting more chips into his bet stack. Eventually dealer just takes the chips out of his stack and adds them to the pot. As 100% VPIP is pretty -EV, Scandanavian starts donking off his chips again.

Then we get this hand:

Scandanavian raises pf to $25 and gets 3 callers, including Seat 1. Flop is K10x rainbow. Scandanavian bets like $50, gets 2 callers. Turn is A. Scandanavian guy shoves all in and flips over AK. Dealer immediately takes his hand and flips it back over before Seat 1 can see. Seat 1 has Scandanavian covered, and calls. Other player, who saw Scandanavian's hand, folds.

River bricks. Seat 1 turns over KQ (which generally would have been lolgood against Scandanavian). Scandanavian looks at the KQ face up on the table. He looks at the dealer. Seats 4-9, who all saw his AK when he flipped it up, are silent. Scandanavian plays with his cards, looks at the pot, at the dealer . . .

and mucks.

A "for fun and maybe a $25 gift card" game sponsored by a student group at school:

Before the first orbit is complete (maybe 6th hand or so), dude bro with shades and an iPod re-raise shoves pre-flop and gets called by KK.

He flips over garbage and says, "I haven't played a hand all night, so I thought you would respect my raise."

1/2 in south Florida.

Guy sitting with about $60 overlimps. 4-way to the flop, all low cards (highest was a 9) rainbow board, pot is $5 after rake, checked to this guy who insta shoves all-in with around $60 into the $5 pot. Everyone folds.

Guy shows AA and explains he wasn't going to let anyone catch some weird 2-pair on him. He is then asked why he didn't raise PF and he says he was afraid everyone would fold and he wouldn't get any action.

I'm in Decatur, IL for a summer internship. Saturday/Monday there is a $15/$20 donkament. I mean these guys are real real bad.

At least once an orbit I hear a "I wish I had my cards back." When flop comes 4 4 Q and they folded J4o.

I've heard, "If Phil Ivey came here I think he would do terrible because we don't play like the high stakes players." ... ...

The cash game they play on the side in between is .5/1 with $20 max buy in... 20bb stacks, and they play plo too.

I've heard them talk about other players and about how they would do well if they played in vegas.

"There is no skill in poker, there is no way you can know what the next card is."

Board is 2 K Q 4 5, Guy says, "I would have won that pot, I had 3 7." I just say, "You should just play it every time."

I was suited

Some real gems from those 235s at the rio over the summer. Heres my fav: its 8k-16k, were itm and avg stack is like 15bb, i have 350k and am tied for table cl with old guy to my right who just moved here hand before. I open a10 utg to 35k guy calls allin for his last 30k old guy in bb thinks for a bit and calls flop a8xr, both check turn low card no str8 possibilities, both check river ace, he instantly says "allin" pretty loud and confident im like wtf is this guy jamming 300k into 10k side pot i tank for 30 seconds in shock and call to see his 52os. Not really sure what he was thinking but it certainly was absurd.

First hand of a local MTT and a donk decides that shipping 400bb stack is a good pf raise. Surprisingly enough he gets two callers, one of which starts talking about how good his hand is in 3way all in. They are asked to table their hands and they show KQo, ATo, and the good-odds guy flips 89o. Of course the board runs low, and the only card that hits is an 8.

The guy continued to play every single trash hand, calling 3bets with 68o and flopping straights, and of course had aces when I pushed my short stack later.

Haha love it.

Basically anytime anyone ever says "You're lucky I folded" or "Good thing I folded."

Most recently I won a big pot with QQ vs. A5 (I didn't slowplay preflop either, but whatever) on an AQ5r flop with a 5 turn. We were all-in on the turn and after a river 3 a guy almost instantly said "Whew good thing I folded on the flop, I would have filled up on the river." Yes, good thing you made the tough laydown to get rid of your pocket 3s after it went bet-raise with three overs.

Playing a $2/5 one night at Hard Rock Tampa.

Board was JJJJA.

3 handed. Player1 bets $100, Next player says All in for about $700. Player3 insta-mucks and player1 shows AK and mucks.

Everyone at the table was silent until they both players realized it was a chopped pot.

Young kid and woman HU on the river. Kid shoves all-in, woman tanks. Kid, seated right next to woman, flips over 1 card to show an 8. Woman thinks out loud, "I think you have pocket jacks" and folds.

Some years ago I was playing a low stakes NLHE home game with a few friends.

Pre-flop MP limps, there is a raise from Btn, BB calls, and MP limp-calls. Flop is A57r. BB and MP check to Btn who bets. BB shoves, MP folds, and BB, not realizing the Btn still had a decision to make, tables A5 for two pair. Btn (who is terribad but has improved his play since) tanks for a while. His face gets all twisted up and it is obvious he is really struggling with what to do. Finally he calls and tables AT. 4th and 5th street are blanks and BB doubles up.

Everyone asks Btn "why did you call when you were crushed?!?" He responds, "I know I'm a big favorite to win pre-flop so I figured I would most likely hit a T."

Amazing.

Thread just keeps on giving.

Winner.

Saw this the other day and I about died from stiffling a laugh (I try not to laugh fish off the table).

2/5nl eff stacks $500-ish.

6 way limpfest (I folded from UTG so just a spectator).

Flop(30) 7 7 7
SB checks, BB checks, MP checks, LP bets $5, CO calls, BTN calls, SB calls, BB folds, MP folds.

Turn(50) 4
SB checks, LP bets $5, CO calls, BTN calls, SB calls

River(70) 4
SB checks, LP bets $5, CO calls, BTN calls, SB shoves all-in for $500...
LP tanks and calls, CO tanks and folds, BTN shrugs and says "I think we just chop" and calls.

SB of course has 87, LP has 66, BTN has Ace rag

For the next five minutes BTN is defending his call saying, "I had the odds to call because most of the time its going to be a chop in that spot! So its incorrect to fold!!!"

The fact that he's putting in $500 dollars to at best get back $15 profit is a concept his fishy little mind cannot understand despite half the table trying to explain it to him.

Of course, me being the A-hole that I am, I keep siding with the BTN and arguing that its an easy snap call because its a chop and that obviously the rest of the table doesn't understand advanced poker

yeah, i'm burning in hell for that one...

Probably not up to par, but here's my contribution
1/2NL game last nite. Youngish kid, mid 20's, sits down to my left with about $50. On a K high flop someone bets $20 into him, he gets all excited and tries to raise it to $35. Ends up getting it all in and both players show KQ. Then he proceeds to bitch for the next ten minutes how in all the years he's been playing poker he's never had so many chopped pots in one night.

Not sure if that counts as absurd, but I thought it was hilarious.

Wish I was making this up board is 4Akxx player a shoved for 200 player b insta calls flips over 23 and says straight ka234..

I got 2 for you guys. Both happened in the same session.

Flop is 888, bet, call. Turn is 7. Bet, call. River is a 2, bet, raise, re-raise, all-in, snap call. The guy who went all-in obviously had quad 8's but the guy who snap called stood up and and yelled "Full House!!!" as he tables pocket 44's... Lol he couldn't believe he lost with a full house!

This next one might be the winner. The board is something like KK943r P1 bets and P2 raises all-in.

P1 goes into the tank for over a minute and for some reason P2 decides to show his hand face up...

He shows Pocket 99's for a full house, P1 looks really confused and after another 2 minutes of thinking calls with AK...

I didn't understand what happened an I still don't. I tried asking him his reasoning an he said "whether I see his hand or not it's still a tough call, I just decided to go with my gut"

WTF...

Similar to some of the others, 3/3 game, players $650 effective. Pot is about $40 on a board of J9389, 3-flush came in on the river. Player A (typical clueless player who has built up a big stack who knows how) open shoves for $650 into the 40 pot. Player B, a solid reg, insta calls. Player B tables J9 for 9s full, player A tables 33. "I have a full house!" and takes a minute to realise that yes he does but it's not much good.

Me and villain are both deep, I have ~$400 in a 1/2 game and villain has me covered.

I raise preflop with KQ and villain just calls with JJ. The flop is AJT and villain just ships all-in for over $400 into a $30 pot when I have the nuts...

a new one i heard a couple weeks ago during a NLHE tournament...

3-bet pot (i Have AA), villain flats my 3, then insta donk jams rag flop for like 100 BB, I call he has 99, river is a 9

guy who seats down goes "don't you hate that?" I say, "well sure but it happens!-oh poker and those rivers" or something like that as I count the chips out....then he saying "no, i mean like when you really have to call an all in when you have AA but you really shouldn't actually because your tournament life is just too valuable and like anything can happen so it's just better to fold but like you also need chips so it just is a crappy situation"

In a home game that a dude squeezed huge from BB w/ trash, got called and beat w/ other trashes often. Pissed at the callers, and when asked why raised w/ trash himself, "what, i got position"

Wow...

I witnessed a hand similar to this at 1/2nl

Heads up action between two super donks involved in an ego-maniac leveling war, eff stacks $200-ish.

Flop(10) 5 4 J
V1 bets 10, V2 raises 20, V1 calls.

Turn(55) K
V1 checks, V2 bets $25, V1 raises to $50, V2 calls

River(155) J
V1 checks, V2 bets $75, V1 c/r shoves all-in for $125, V2 calls.

V1 turns over Q9 and says, "good call, I thought I could bluff you off the hand"

V2 turns over 86 and says, "no, you're good, I couldn't fold, I was pot committed."

OMFG!!!!

I was in a big tournament a few months ago, first place was $50K.
eff stacks, 70BB

I'm the chip leader on the bubble and I have AA and its my BB. The 2nd chip leader raises 6bb in MP, folds around and I smooth call. He's overly aggressive and I know if he hits anything he will shove.

Flop(12bb) 6 8 2r
I check, he shoves all-in, I snap call

Board(140bb) 6 8 2 7 9
MP shows TT, I lose with AA

For the next 5 minutes, two donks at the table explain to me how its incorrect for me to call with AA in that spot because I was the chip leader and needed to protect my chips... It was all I could do to not punch them in the throat.

In a tournament my GF played today: she is shortstacked in the small blind with around 10BB. Folds to her, she shoves. BB tanks and then mucks TT. His reasoning: "Well, I'm pretty sure I have the best hand, but I remember last tournament I called your all in with TT, and you sucked out."