I have taken some steps back in terms of discipline but not too much. I still only play in the most optimal environments. I don't listen to music when I'm playing. I rarely express tilt externally.

Things I could improve:
-Singularly focusing on poker. I am now going to turn off my phone to prevent distractions. It will be a mild annoyance to a lot of people trying to reach me, but some sacrifices are going to have to be made if I want to truly reach all my goals this year.
-Posture. I am a big belief in posture and its effects on the mind. I want to practice having good posture even when I'm going through a severe downswing in a session.
-Approaching poker in a more focused and less careless manner. Always strive to take the most optimal decision and not the easiest or the least boring. The only thing that matters is the bottom line. I find myself rationalizing to myself making suboptimal decisions when I'm down and quickly want to make the money back. I'll play high variance high-stakes HUsngs rather than grind it out against bad cash regs. Luckily, I know exactly when I'm rationalizing so all I need to do is not listen to them and take the correct route, which is usually dull and boring for the most part.

One way I think that would be great to fix all these problems is meditating in the morning. My apartment has a artificial river creek that is surprisingly quite soothing. Every morning from now on, the first thing I will do when I wake up is go to the bench and meditate. Before checking my email, checking my messages, or turning on my laptop, I will go to that bench next to the creek and meditate for 20 minutes. I will also meditate in the evening after all my sessions are done. This way, no matter what variables I face while playing poker, I can also rely on the consistencies of the meditation sessions. I believe this will be extremely beneficial to my game.

The secret to life is so simply, yet so hard in practice:

When doing something, give it your full attention. Don't multi-task and hop around activities. This makes your immersion with whatever you're doing shallow. It takes awhile for your brain to start efficiently finding ways to do what you're trying to do. It'll make a lot of errors in the beginning, trying to hone in the objective. But these corrections become more seldom the longer it spends time calculating what needs to be done. It's mostly a painful progress figuring things out. Insecurities creep up, fear of failure starts forming and frustration builds. What I find a lot of poker players do at this state is do something to give themselves an excuse for failing. For example, they will start chatting on skype, watching youtube videos, browse the internet and say to themselves if I actually tried, I wouldn't have failed. It's a self-defense mechanism. This way, they will never have to confront their limits and shatter whatever ego they imagine for themselves. Don't do this. Don't avoid the pain. Instead, immerse yourself in it. Embrace it, let it do it's job, feel ****ty inside, and continue doing your best to solve the problem in front of you. Gradually, the edges will become smoother, the paths more efficient, and the discomfort will turn to true confidence. But you can't do this if you keep shifting your mind from one thing to another. What will happen is you will have to work yourself to where you were at again before making any progression, which takes time and effort' time and effort that could have instead been spent going deeper into what you were doing.

Here's a passage that really inspired me. It's from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

"Sometime look at a novice workman or a bad workman and compare his expression with that of a craftsman whose work you know is excellent and you’ll see the difference. The craftsman isn’t ever following a single line of instruction. He’s making decisions as he goes along. For that reason he’ll be absorbed and attentive to what he is doing even though he doesn’t deliberately contrive this. His motions and the machine are in a kind of harmony. He isn’t following any set of written instructions because the nature of the material at hand determines his thoughts and motions, which simultaneously change the nature of the material at hand. The material and his thoughts are changing together in a progression of changes until his mind is at rest at the same time the material is right."

We are all craftsman in poker. Building perfect ranges against our opponents. And it's time to treat our work with the respect required.

Awesome thread. Insta subbed as I'm dealing with my mental game issues at the moment.

Best regards OP

Thanks man! I hope my struggles will shed some insights about yours.

Not gonna lie. Have lost some of the drive that I started with this year. But that's kind of expected; can't keep that kind of momentum forever. The trick now is to take it one day at a time and give it my best each day. I haven't been following my schedules religiously, but I'm doing my best. Running mediocre hasn't helped my motivation as well. Today I rest, and tomorrow I start anew again. Tomorrow I try again. To play as best as possible. To follow all my rules. To follow my schedule. One day at a time. One tournament, one hand at a time. I can abide by that.

It's funny how much I lack confidence when my game is top-notch. I've studied more than most people I know and am more keen on the intricacies of each spot. My ranges are much more balanced than others and I can identify what mistakes my opponents are making that I am not making. My only problem is volume. Volume that isn't being met because I lose confidence when I start losing. It's time to put in some volume. It's time to weather through the variance and continue vigorously battling all the regulars. Tomorrow, some regs are getting a hurting.

I've come to discover that my theory work has been slacking majorly and maybe that's why my confidence was a bit low. I used to put tons of theory work in the beginning of the year, but that kind of tapered off when I started winning, and then even more when I started losing. I've been playing almost every day, but I've been neglecting the bread and butter of my game - theorycrafting. Theorycrafting is just as important as performance. As a poor analogy, I've been working out but I haven't been eating correctly. Starting tomorrow, I will stress the theory homework as much as putting in solid performance.

In other news, I've accomplished one of my goals this year - finish Infinite Jest. Really awesome book that I plan rereading for the rest of my life. Highly recommend it for everyone that reads for pleasure that would like a challenge.

Pretty depressing month. Didn't put in the required amount of hands and didn't make money. I also have to move down in stakes. I quit HUSnG and only strictly play cash now.

It's depressing, but I just have to dust myself off and do my best from here on out.

Next month, I will keep a tight schedule and make sure to keep it this time. I will be on top of everything and insure I make as few mistakes as possible. I need to build my resilience and work on my confidence. Live one day at a time, to the best of my ability.

March has been a pretty smooth month. Played exclusively cash and wondering why I didn't start sooner. Games are so much less frustrating when the edge is insurmountably big because of deeper stack sizes.



Volume is meh but I'm enjoying my pace right now. I grind for two days straight, take a half-day where I review and tweak my overall strategy. It's made life very enjoyable. This month I visited Portland. Next month I'm planning on going to Playas del Carmen. I'm still doing improv and living a much more balanced life that isn't clouded by stress. My relationship with my family as a result has gotten better. It's time maybe to decrease the time I spend on the computer and start getting into shape again.

My game has been feeling really good lately. I changed on big overall strategy and everything feels so smooth now. Everything feels balanced and I don't feel like I'm being exploited in any common spot. An area I could improve is my preflop opening range . I think I can fine-tune it a bit more and create a more defined range that is optimized. My turn probe range could probably take a deeper look into as well as I've seen some good players do different things than I do.

In terms of avenues of improvement, I've been doing well in that front. I review theoretical stuff with a friend about once a week. I'm trying to get another friend to do it as well, but it's more sporadic with him. I've been meaning to read Expert Heads-up No Limit and Mathematics of Poker to get a firmer grasp on the fundamentals. I also have a subscription to RunItOnce so it'll be interesting what I can learn from there. All in all, I'm very happy with my progress and hope to continue to get better in the coming year.

Year results so far. I'm pretty happy with how I'm grinding, but there is definitely room to improve, which is exciting. A specific spot I want to focus on is my Big Blind play. I am losing too much and need to rethink what it means to play GTO out of position. This is something I have been having heavy discussions with one of my friends and something I strive to obtain a stronger understanding. But it's difficult and evasive . One day I think I'll have it all figured out and then realize I actually have no idea what I'm doing. Which is good, because it means it's a spot a lot of people are playing sub-optimally (which I know sounds egotistical, but I know for a fact that I put more time working things out than 90% of the poker population).

Volume is picking up as I'm putting in longer days. I'm achieving good balance in life and pretty happy where I'm at. If there is one area I would like to work on is having deeper focus when I'm putting in sessions. Just have every session be a pinnacle of attention and focus. I know that's hard to achieve, but I can at least cut out the easy stuff (checking my phone when playing, surfing for any reason, checking my graph). Other than that, I can confidently say I'm making progress so I'm very happy.

Just did an analysis on my stats and I am definitely misapplying some stuff from the BB. This is exciting because I now have a definitive area I can devote a lot of time to improve. I am going on a 4-day rave festival this weekend and when I come back I should be fresh to put in some work.

Im back from the festival feeling super refreshed. Time to put in some work.

Pretty solid month. Volume as always could use some work . Definitely improving in that aspect and I feel like I will be putting in a 20k+ hands pretty easily next month. I've started battling regs at 5/10 and they definitely have some leaks that I can exploit. I probably have a lot of leaks they're exploiting so it's always important to double check my strategy and beliefs.

This month was great for my poker career. The 4-day Lightning in a Bottle festival has taught me so much about life and balance. It's taught me what it means to be happy and that I'm worthy of being happy. It's taught me to let go of past beliefs that have held me back and how to achieve my true potential at any given moment. For those of you that are hardcore grinders, I highly recommend taking a vacation away from everything and clearing your mind. A 4-day hippyish festival would be ideal, but whatever works for you .

I am super excited for June and I feel like it will be one of my best months ever.

check out that volume for today. pretty good start to the month.

Just came back from Vegas the other day. I've learned that the things that I used to seek are no longer things I enjoy. I still like drinking and partying with friends, but they're no longer things I will prioritize. That's not saying I'm no longer seeking social interactions - in fact, I've made it a bigger priority in my life as I've learned in my festival hiatus that getting to know people is something I really like. But I want my experiences to be more meaningful and real. I'd rather meet people through hiking/bouldering groups, improv classes and other life experiences rather than just at a bar or club.

Anyway, this Vegas trip has made me feel like I reverted back a bit in poker and life. I've lost the groove I picked up from Lightning in a Bottle. Time to get back to exercising, studying, and putting in solid sessions. Time to focus again on keeping my mind sharp as possible and living in the Now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBAzlNJonO8

It's on today.

Meet your best friend, or your worst enemy. It's amazing how powerful this little thing is. It literally shapes our reality. It takes an infinite amount of information and processes it for us in a way we can understand the universe. Our entire reality is defined by a 3-pound piece of muscle.

The amazing part of it is we have so much control over it, and in turn, our reality. It starts with being conscious of how we speak to ourselves - I mean REALLY listen to our inner monologue. Myself personally, I grew up blaming myself for everything. In turn, this made me feel ****ty and inadequate in a lot of aspects. I picked up meditation and started really quieting my mind down. I became conscious of how I was talking to myself and realized I was repeating a lot of lies to myself. These lies stemmed from insecure parents, insecure friends, and good ol' insecure me that I kept repeating myself over and over again. They became subconscious and dormant, almost like a whisper. When I failed at anything, I would get furious and distract myself through video games, alcohol, porn - anything to take my mind away from the pain. While this worked for the short term, the anger and angst would build inside of me and would never get resolved. I unconsciously became miserable because these lies festered inside me.

Once I became conscious to these whispering demons by staying in the moment rather than hiding from them, I was able to confront them and really dissect what they were saying. As each issue rose, I simply observed what it was saying to me. I didn't fight it, I didn't defend myself, I just observed. Soon enough, the nagging demons quieted down; lies can't stand their grounds when confronted. What's left after each confrontation is a sense of contentment and peace, because the truth is that I am built, capable and deserving of love, which is what I have always searched for.

So when you start tilting, don't distract yourself from the anger through temporary releases. Sit and meditate on it because that anger is an indication that your body is giving yourself a chance to confront your demons. Look at it as an opportunity. Listen to its lies, really listen to what its whispering, realize they're not true and wave it good-bye.

so thaaaaat's how you play from the big blind:



those are my results for this month from the big blind playing against 65-70% regs. all the adjustments I've made have been feeling pretty smooth. still miles away from playing optimal (i have yet to incorporate solid turn and river donking ranges except the obvious ones).

going to start playing 10/20 very soon!

I thought winning from the blinds was impossible (close to)?!

This is going to be the first thread I subscribe to on 2+2. Really enjoyed reading through it, your posts are aspiring/motivating and I'm looking forward to watching your progress. With your mindset I'm sure you'll experience success and it motivates me to be more professional in my approach to the game as well.
Thanks for doing this, best of luck!

Yes, at equilibrium it is impossible for the BB to win. In fact, if both players played GTO, each would lose as much from the BB as they would gain from the SB, minus rake. However, no one right now plays GTO so there is still to gain from their errors. You might not be able to win from the BB, but you should try to mitigate the damage as much as possible (and if you're running good, win!).

Basically, I'm trying to structure my big blind play as optimal as possible before setting foot at the table. I have a pretty firm understanding of what proper SB play looks like so when I see someone make a mistake from the SB, I know I will gain more from the BB in that particular spot than I would have otherwise if I played someone stronger. Basically, I look at it as "capturing non-GTO equity" by playing a balanced BB game and letting my opponent make mistakes. This is me anytime my opponent makes a blatant SB mistake: http://youtu.be/ZUQ1LXCA6t0?t=11s

I also have discovered a lot of spots that the global population plays super sub optimally so I play maximally exploitative in those spots. I capture a lot of EV I shouldn't be able to and this helps me damage control my BB lose rate by a lot.

Couple both things and a lot of run good and you get the graph above.

I'm rather impressed. Sounds like you've worked for it!

My uderstanding was that you could minimise the losses quite a bit, i.e. better than -50/11 from SB and -100 from BB.

I never heard of anybody actually turning a profit after the blinds!

Hey guys,

I'm going to stop updating this thread. I know I'm mostly doing it to show off and ego validations and that makes me weak. I guess I might just be in a bad place right now, for a lot of different reasons. Just trying to fight off some demons. For now, I want to get rid of cheap validations and work on my self-esteem. Love you all and wish you guys the best of luck. If I get to a better place with better confidence, I'll make another thread; but it'll be for the right reasons. See you guys later!

Hello;

I'm back! Sorry about the weird hiatus, I was having some girl problems . I'm working through it right now and it's been an interesting couple of days. My poker game has been pretty solid and I'm very happy with the progress I'm making. I'm excited as I've found even more ways to improve my BB game! Next month is going to be exciting as I feel like I will make great strides in my overall game. Maybe even have my first 100k month!

Here's my graph for this month:



And here's my BB graph against regs (filtered for 100bb+ effective stacks):

Always do work.

When grinding, I should always be doing work. I've grown accustomed to opening up tables and surfing the internet waiting for action. That is not optimal. It will turn my brain complacent, lazy and perform at a sub-optimal level. Like in sports, it takes a while for the body to warm-up and perform at peak levels. If you distract yourself, you'll fall out of zen and it'll take some time of continuous movement before you get in the zone again. Likewise, in poker, I need to constantly be making moves at the table to keep my brain sharp. There's always something to do. Fight for the "a" tables on ipoker, fight for the anon tables on micro, fight for zoom lobbies, there is always something I can be doing to optimize the time I spend grinding. Reach that sweet spot of performing and not "thinking". Hone my focus to the grind and the grind alone. Always be doing work and constrict my focus from becoming too wide.

Oh, and take a full break once in a while.