after i eat him, 12-16 hours later im going to crap him out of my rectum, a rectum he created and flush his ass down the toilet. and because i hate your god im going to do this every week as a ritual. and to spit in your god's face im going to share him with other Christians so we can all kill him and crap him out of our rectums.

your god is nothing. i kill him every week. his noodly appendage can do nothing to save himself.

"The 8 I really rather you didn'ts" from the holy scripture( from captain mosey) allows me to find peace in your posts.

1.I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou *** when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
2.I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3.I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4.I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go **** yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
5.I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6.I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
A. Ending poverty
B. Curing diseases
C. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
7.I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
8.I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something

In short James while you are ****ting my god(or at least food that looks like him) I still love you for who you are.
Believe it or not, there are people like me who actually believe in the flying spaghetti monster- the evidence is too great. Anyway, best of luck bro.

Ramen.

your god is nothing without garlic salt! why can't your religion be original, instead of some spoilt child's tempertantrum tirade ripoff of Christianity. your mockery makes you my enemy. this flying spaghetti crap is the biggest insult. the foundation of your so called religion was to ridicule and insult Christianity. gfy!

27 "The days are coming," declares the LORD, "when I will plant the house of Israel and the house of Judah with the offspring of men and of animals. 28 Just as I watched over them to uproot and tear down, and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over them to build and to plant," declares the LORD. 29 "In those days people will no longer say,
'The fathers have eaten sour grapes,
and the children's teeth are set on edge.'

30 Instead, everyone will die for his own sin; whoever eats sour grapes—his own teeth will be set on edge.

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD,
"when I will make a new covenant
with the house of Israel
and with the house of Judah.

32 It will not be like the covenant
I made with their forefathers
when I took them by the hand
to lead them out of Egypt,
because they broke my covenant,
though I was a husband to [d] them, [e] "
declares the LORD.

33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the LORD.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."
Jeremiah chapter 31 (biblegateway NIV)


thank God i don't have to be punished for your idiocy and insolence.

James, this thread isn't about christianity, it is about the flying spaghetti monster. Please keep that in mind. Thanks.

God bless you even though you are an idiot.

Thanks. I love it when people who believe in different gods whether that god be Jesus, Allah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster come together in worship and accomplish goals for the common good. May God bless you too!

Also, I am an idiot and certainly not the perfect messenger of God, but I do what I can.

I want to belive

FYP

RAmen!

Hey guys, it's good to see the Word of the Lord being spread further as more and more people are converting from atheists to Pastafarians on a daily basis.

If anyone could provide some conversations/debates between Pastafarians and non-believers/alternative theists I'd greatly appreciate it.

I took holy communion last night, with extra Parmesan.

That's disgusting. I can't believe you guys eat the body of your god.

Who is the enemy of the flying spaghetti monster?

Clearly you have this backwards and christianity is a ripoff of pastafarianism.

The Great Pasta predated any myths on this earth.

Even the evangelicals on this board get that.

If you're going to take on religion you'll have to broaden your time horizons considerably.

I know, this seems really horrible. It's actually a sincere form of flattery. Ask Catholics.

FSM is the only religion that makes sense to me.

He has no real enemies. His favorite apostle was captain mosey. There was no divinely declared evil, he merely unintelligently created the universe while drunk one day
(chapter 1, the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster


It is still debated by many amatuer and professional theologians alike what battles took place during the early years of the universes creation.

I think I got touched by his noodle appendage last night- should I tell the police?

Was out having a smoke and noticed that my neighbor has a FSM symbol on his car!

I'll have to mention it to him next time I see him coming/leaving.

I believe in invisible pink unicorns, I do think the flying spagheti monster is a prophet but my real god are the invisible pink unicorns.

your deluded. there is only one god and its the god of the meat balls

That teat of ignorance wisdom firing as well as ever.

lol

Winner !

Having had first hand experience of one of the FSM's blessed kin, the flying linguine monster, at 4am one morning when he came flying out of my mouth/a$$ almost simultaneously, possibly due to the seafood that accompanied him being undercooked, possibly due to the many alcoholic beverages I consumed that night, I can say categorically: i'm out.

he's not all love and good stuff you know.