The characters are Neil, who is a grinder and zarathustra on 2+2, although he only posts if he feels he really needs to flame someone. Think Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. Scobes is my friend from high school who is a fun loving frat/finance bro.



I'm gonna write this in verse, I hope you can follow,
It's about me and Neil's recent trip to Sao Paulo,
I called my friend Scobes, and he had our backs,
So we stayed at the Marriott, courtesy of Goldman Sachs.

The first day we woke up and did some touristy stuff,
We went to Centro, the area seemed pretty rough,
This was the real deal, for tourists they don't fuss,
The only gringos we saw all day were us.

When I went to the market, I knew that I wouldn't abstain,
From trying the mortadela sandwich I saw on Anthony Bourdain,
The sandwich was tasty, my lips I did smack,
But to eat it too often would lead to a heart attack.

The traffic was atrocious, just like we had heard,
For the rich daily helicopter use isn't absurd,
At one point we climbed the tallest building of all,
And marveled at the never-ending urban sprawl.

Sao Paulo has a large Japanese population,
And seeing them rekindled my passion for Asians,
Skin oh so smooth, and manner so graceful,
Call me a ***, but I find their fashion sense tasteful.

According to Scobes, it's universally understood,
That the best scene in the city is a Brazilian country bar called Wood's,
The veracity of this I managed to underestimate,
By NYC standards the average chick was an 8.

My skull, the bouncer wanted to crack,
Because I forgot my ID and failed a pass back,
I've been in this country a while, but this was the first place I went,
Where everyone in the bar was of European descent,

Before I arrived, I didn't have knowledge,
That Scobes could still drink like when he was in college,
In Neil's mind the image will remain eternal,
Of Scobes passed out while standing at the urinal.

At one point they thought I was in the gutter, flat on my face,
But after 2 hours we reunited with a manly embrace,
Not many chicks spoke English, so that opportunity I seized,
To improve my limited arsenal of words in Portuguese.

I was blown out many a time, but didn't surrender,
I have no idea why, I'm no sex offender,
Neil compares my social skills to Rain Man, when chicks I can't hump,
Nonsense I say, for they're at least Forrest Gump.

If I were Rain Man, my opener would be banging my head on a wall,
And chicks wouldn't think that is sexy at all,
We had a lot of fun, but it wasn't so nice,
When we got the bill for 650 Reis.

That's it for this poem, let me know if you like it,
I'm pretty sick at poker, but for sure I'm no psychic,
Poetry is kinda pussy, but on many it grows,
Though if my audience doesn't like it, I'll switch back to prose.



Nice, France Trip Report

Here's another TR in verse format that I tried posting in BBV4L, although I'm gonna stop doing that for obvious reasons.

Can it with the poetry and elaborate on trying to score some hot, tight, juicy, tan-lined Brazilian ass.

Hey man I loved your DR TR. I read the Nice TR as well and I think it would have been better without the poetry.

Speaking of BBV4L, pics or gtfo!!!




Just kidding!

The poet was good, and the riming was cool
but how u did with the pussy, made you look like a fool


Enjoyd it mate

i agree you have good stories to tell but just tell the ***** story dont try to make it into a rap song

I'm creative too; I surely relate.
That no matter the talent, the haters... gon' hate.


oh, and I enjoyed it

Just to be clear, there is no hate here;
but as a fan of Don's writing
my nails Ima biting
in anticipation of that prose so inviting.

Loved the Nice TR. Very cool OP.

I have 2 other Brazil TRs, which are directly related to getting ass with Brazilian chicks (although they are more informative than funny), and one cultural commentary. Will post in the near future.

If you're gonna do this annoying verse ****, just post your rap on youtube and embed here.

yes please

With the exception of pornwikileaks.com, the internet has been pretty boring lately.

Grace us with the details, Donald.

This one is far less raunchy than my usual ones, but should be reasonably entertaining. I wrote it in late Feb.

Preceding notes:

-Chick from this story later informed me that she is actually 17, but she is pretty cool/smart/hot so I am semi-going out with her now (I'm 26 btw).
-I was the first guy she got to 2nd base with, according to her we will be attempting some "new stuff" next week (sorry there will be no TR for that).
-My race-dar was pretty perfect as she is 1/4 indigenous, 1/4 Portuguese and 1/2 black.\
-Neil has since banged the half Japanese chick.

Hey, I just got to Rio and it kicks ass. First off, the city is stunningly beautiful. It has an exotic feel with strange trees and narrow, steeply sloping mountains in the background. The view from the beach is incredible. Amazing natural scenery with a salt water haze that emanates from massive waves to add effect. I'd rank it as the second nicest beach I've been to after Wineglass Bay in Tasmania, as the buildings with the 70s architecture spoil it a bit (this problem is ubiquitous in Latin America).

I really need to start working out because everyone is in impeccable shape (that or grossly obese). This is beach culture in it's rawest form. The standard wardrobe is sandals and shorts for guys, which has been a problem for Neil, as he's one of these sophisticated types who views shorts as tacky. You'll understand why I don't feel sorry for him when he's constantly complaining about his swamp ass (it's 85ish and humid here). One annoying thing is that the guys really like to wear grape smuggling boy short bathing suits here, but the ones the girls are wearing more than make up for it. The stereotypes are very true. The girls have amazingly thin waists relative to their chests and hips, and there is every possible skin tone under the sun, although not so many pale northern Europe descent types. The guys are walking around with no shortage of machismo which is not surprising given this country's passion for fighting/martial arts. Even the queers seem pretty tough. There is some sort of weird Spartan warrior-esque gay scene in this city with jacked hulking behemoths making out with each other in the middle of the street. PDA levels in general are at the highest I've ever seen them.

We got to know some local chicks the first couple of nights we were here. On Saturday we went out to the indy rock club thinking that there may be some gringophiles (I won't insult them with the term gringo hunter, knowing what they are like in Medellin) who could speak English, knowing that our Portuguese is pretty bad at the moment. So we went up to a couple of older looking chicks (turns out they were 27) that looked like they wanted some guys to talk to them. I went up and started speaking my absurdly broken Portuguese, and the one chick informed me that she was an English teacher... awesome. So we were talking to them for a few minutes, when all of a sudden they were like "nice talking to you, later." We had read on the internet that you need to be aggressive with these chicks, so then we went up to three younger looking ones. Again, I said something in my horrible bastardization of Portuguese and instantly they responded in English. This time we started dancing/making out with them in the first 15 minutes and it worked a hell of a lot better. We got their info and left.

The next day I got a message saying to meet at this huge beach party in Ipanema. So we went there, and we didn't really have that good of a sense of what they looked like cause of the darkness/alcohol, but we were pleasantly surprised to see that my chick was about 5'8" with a tiny waist, nice boobs/ass, and a cute face... but she had braces, which isn't a huge negative or anything, just a red flag about her age. Like most Brazilians, it's hard to say what her genetic makeup is... I'd estimate half black, a quarter indigenous and a quarter Mediterranean, as she has straight hair, non-nappy hair. Neil's chick was attractive... petite and very Portuguese looking.

The first thing I noticed about my chick was how impeccable her English was. She was using terms like "get tipsy" and "dry humping" and stuff like that, that you would never expect them to know. She claimed to only have taken one trip to the US, but got her knowledge from school/music/movies. There were 3 of their guy friends there, and one other girl, her most notable feature being gigantic boobs. Neil's petite girl from the night before was being really aloof and claimed she wanted to go home, which proves another thing that we had read about these girls, that making out means basically nothing in this country. Then the guys started pointing at the huge boobed one while she was turned around, indicating that he should go for her. He was dead sober and doesn't have an overly gregarious nature so this would be a process. My chick is a massive gringophile though, and wanted to take a walk on the beach right away so Neil was left to fend for himself with that group.

So we are walking down the beach and this chick is bringing up tons of intelligent topics of conversation, which was boggling my mind as I had just been in Colombia and had forgotten that it was possible for girls to be intelligent. Also she was acting incredibly mature and self-confident, which is why I was shocked to find out that she had just turned 18 on February 21st (she looks 21-22). People grow up a hell of a lot faster in this country. From what I remember about freshman/sophomore years of college, American chicks are like little girls in adult bodies at that age.

So after our walk we met back up in Copacabana and everyone left except for the big boobed chick, essentially leaving it at a double date. That chick didn't make the greatest first impression aesthetically, as she is short with big boobs, which tends to make you assume that they are fat. But actually she wasn't fat and has a very beautiful exotic looking face with great skin. This is due to the fact that she is half-Japanese, which is also evidenced in her serene disposition. So Neil, being the lucky schmuck that he is, falls ass backward into a better chick after getting dissed by the first one. It wasn't all fun and games for him though, as these chicks don't really drinking and just wanted to walk around and do romantic stuff. Neil, being of blue-blooded northern European stock, desperately needed to get his drink on. To exacerbate the situation, my chick was obsessed with making out with me, which I was trying to cut to a minimum because I realized it was something of a catch 22 for Neil. On one hand he looks like a pussy for not escalating fast enough and on the other hand he seems insincere if he does it just cause we're doing it. So we went to a bar and watched the Oscars, and they knew a lot about all of that stuff so we had a pretty natural, free flowing conversation. Neil's chick wasn't at nearly the level of English as mine, but Neil's Portuguese is a lot better than mine and his chick knew a decent amount of English as well.

In the end, though, all turned out well for Neil as he finally got the kiss with his girl, and we dropped them off at their place on the way to our hotel. Neil's chick is 17 and has a strict Japanese father so I doubt he will pursue her too hard in the future, but if these chicks (they are likely a bit above middle class) are representative of the women here, the future should be good for us in this country.

Outstanding stuff, fella. Looking forward to the follow-ups.

-according to her we will be attempting some "new stuff" next week
-Neil has since banged the half Japanese chick.

Like