TY Ygos, Soulbro, and JC. Appreciate you!

Comp bench
165x5, 200x4, 230x3x2, 265x2x2, 295x1x3

HBBS (shoeless)
175x5, 210x4, 245x3x2, 280x2x5 (belted)

Comp bench
180x5, 215x4, 250x3, 280x2x4

Kind of them to give me a brief break between all of the benching

D7
Deficit deadlift (in squat shoes)
250x3, 295x2x2, 340x5

Incline and military press with insignificant numbers

D8
Comp bench
165x5, 200x4, 230x3x2, 265x3x5

Deadlift
225x3, 275x3, 315x3x2, 365x2x2, 405x1x3

bro stuff

I've been thinking a lot about Impulse Control Disorder (ICD).

I've spoken to one or two people about the 12-step group I attend called Adult Children of Alcoholics. I've used the word "addiction" as shorthand for people who exhibit extreme dysfunction and impulse control disorder, but the word "addiction" always seems to trip them up. They say oh but me/this person/you don't have a substance abuse problem, or oh but my/your/their parents weren't alcoholics.

I'm rethinking this myself to instead refer to it as ICD. There are a ton of legally recognized addictions that fit this disorder.

1. Food
2. Sex
3. Pron
4. Computer/phone/internet
5. Video games
6. Work
7. Exercising
8. Spiritual obsession (as opposed to religious devotion)
9. Pain (seeking)
10. Cutting/masochism
11. Shopping

I used to think yeah but I'm not an impulsive person so this doesn't fit. But I really struggle with the impulse NOT to be impulsive. I struggle not to silence and restrain myself. I struggle to just speak and be myself and let my guard down and be spontaneous.

I struggle with the impulse to work. I can lose myself in a job and not come up for air. I'll work until it's time to go to sleep.

I struggle with the impulse to exercise. This one is so tough for me. I will overexercise to a ridiculous extreme. It's even harder when people applaud me for it.

I struggle with an impulse to immerse myself in the internet. I'll jump online anytime I have a free minute.

Even the impulse to intoxicate myself with fear. I grew up in such an abusive family, immersing myself in fear and hypervigilance feels like it is what keeps my safe. But it leads to all sorts of behaviors that FEEL necessary but are flat out harmful, even if only to myself.

None of these things are bad in and of themselves. But if there are no healthy limits and I'm just following whatever impulse I have, I'm not being aware, present, and deliberate.

Just rambling now. Reflecting on this has made me a lot more compassionate toward people who struggle with impulses I don't have. I may not have the same impulse, but I empathize directly with their struggle.

Great post. Totally agree with you regarding judging people for their struggles and it's such an easy habit to slip into. This is an area I'm trying to work on as I have definitely gotten worse as I have gotten older and I feel disappointed in myself when I do it. I think often it is a sign of insecurity or that something is troubling you if you are doing this. A completely secure and confident person doesn't feel the need to do this. Everyone has their own burdens, some tiny and others enormous. People have different coping mechanisms is all.

Agreed.

I'm really trying to recognize when I'm not in danger at all. So I can relax. I can be calm.

Someone says something I passionately disagree with? Okay. But what danger does that really present to me? They're wounded adult children, too. I can stop and tell them hey, I care about you and I'm listening. What do you need for me to hear?

I don't need to follow the impulse to immediately tell them why they're wrong or why I agree with them BUT YOU'LL DO SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU TAKE MY ADVICE.

They might truly be dangerous people who I will never have anything further to do with, but in that moment, maybe I can be one of the few people who didn't punish them for expressing a thought or feeling I disagree with.

I never seen anybody here exercise too much. You do have some marathon sessions at the gym but you mostly dicking around with low reps, high rest.

Exercising too much is like 15 hours a week and high volume. Working too hard is like 80+ hours a week. I mean if you really are doing that, cool it bro.

But yeah we all struggle with what you are saying. I probably watch too much porn and surf too much internet. But there is no way I exercise too much. 50 running miles a week and two or three gym sessions is pushing it, but it's temporary to hit a target.

I can't wait to see an example of someone who exercises too much around here. In fact, I think 100% of the forum exercises too little. I mean you are 15 pounds overweight now bro. Your obsession with getting stronger is probably ICD, there are no more health gains to be had. Same with running for me, but it's short term goals that I am trying to hit. Eventually take some hours away from lifting and add some more hiking, running, biking etc. I know you bike so hopefully I am wrong and you biking 300 miles a week in secret and that's what you referring too.

loco,

I really appreciate your feedback. In my view, you are still confused about a number of things regarding addiction, impulse control disorder, and general mental illness.

You can tell someone has an addiction or impulse control disorder when their compulsion interferes with other important aspects of their life and--this is the most important part--they find themselves powerless to stop.

I am in the gym an excessive amount of time that detracts from my time and ability to explore other aspects of my life. And it is proving to be very, very hard for me to alter this. I think I've got it, but then it's suddenly worse than ever. Alcoholics will understand exactly what I mean. But it sounds like you would simply say whatever, just don't drink so much anymore.

Do you ever drink to a certain point and go ugh, I need to stop? And then you do? Or drink yourself silly, then look back on that night and go LOL I went way too hard, and then you DON'T do the exact same thing the next day? An alcoholic is going to keep doing the same thing over and over, regardless of the impact to their health, their relationships, their employment.

When you say

I need you to understand that a person addicted to running would struggle not to just keep running at the expense of everything else.

When you say

I need you to understand that a person addicted to porn would be late to his own wedding to wank off to one more video. I apologize in advance if you actually do have a porn addiction.

It sounds like you are conflating impulse control disorder with someone who simply indulges too much here and there.

I haven't been on a bike since I wrecked. I'm scared

I think being scared of cycling again is totally understandable, especially when you copped such a beating. I do think it's a bit like when you fall of a horse that the best thing to do is jump back on to get over the fear. Having said that I totally understand if you don't want to. I think it's measuring up whether you enjoy cycling enough to want to start doing it again. If you have dedicated biking areas with no cars about etc that might be a way to ease back into it.

You think I exercise too little? I do like 8 hours of bjj and 4-5 hours of gym a week

Fair! I'd like to bike again. Just not ready yet. I at least need to buy another bike first

That's not 15 hours Weasel. Up your intensity you slacker!

I agree you in the gym too long fakeb. You have ICD when it comes to strength training. I am on board right there. Don't throw exercise under the bus. Throw your specific type of inefficient exercise under the bus. But I also understand that if you were to get into something else you would have an addictive personality. I can't wait til you running 100 miles a week or biking 500.

You are fine weasel. Pushing it but you will be okay.

I would run 100 miles a week if you were here. Consider it our next mock meet. Otherwise LOL when I can sit on the couch and eat mayo out of the jar.

Though you have to admit that some slow, old man running would be much safer than riding a bicycle, so you might be on to something

Lol running.

Stay swole, brony boy.

I actually do think training for a marathon is stupid. All the research points to 90 minutes maximum for endurance training. These marathon programs all have 2 to 3 hour running sessions.

And the injury rate for running is extremely high.

So yeah, I am not delusional. I **** upon my own training. But man, wow. I almost have no innerEV anymore and some of these long runs are so brutal that I am learning meditation during the latter parts so I won't feel so uncomfortable with the breathing.

Nice posts busto, i didnt think a single sentence was rambling.

My brother got into a similar accident, but less serious injuries and has never ridden a bike since. Dont fault him at all and that was the only exercise he did, take your time.

TY E-dog and BGP!

D9
Comp bench
165x5, 200x4, 230x3x2, 265x2x6

HBBS (shoeless)
175x5, 210x4, 245x3x2, 280x2x2, 315x1x3, 280x2x2

bro stuff

Total time: 2.5h

Recording total time so that I can be more mindful.

27 quality reps in 2.5 hours plus bro stuff that takes 10 minutes max.

Looks like a classic case of dickingaroundthegymitis.

I think we are all guilty of that and then coming home and thinking about exercise for way too long.

See my friend, in this case we all exactly the same. Yes this interferes with my work but I don't really give a fack because I love the gym and I still get my 50 hours of work in.

It sometimes interferes with my relationship and obviously that's where for me personally, I should do better.

loco,

If there is an open meeting in your area for AA or Al-Anon, I highly recommend attending. You continue to discuss this from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand addiction. I really appreciate what seem to me to be genuine attempts at support and empathy from you. There's just a frustrating disconnect for me whenever you talk about it.

My roommate is a raging alcoholic. I don't understand it. He binges on 15-20 drinks, passes out. And then starts drinking upon waking up. This will last three to four days, ends up in hospital usually suffering from dehydrating and withdrawal.

Goes sober and repeats every 6 months. While I don't understand, it is beyond scary and I realize he needs major help (which he has tried many times to get).

Now you telling us you exercise excessively and people applaud you for it. I see 27 reps, overweight, with little to no cardio.

I am not being mean, you are my friend. I care about you. But help me understand why you think you exercise excessively? I am not going to an AA meeting but I will read an amazon book or Ted talk/podcast.

Maybe it's the wording that's throwing me off. If you said you obsess over exercise for 30+ hours a week (including your time in this forum), then I think that's an important declaration. With your case in might be more extreme, but in a way many of us have this problem. And yes I believe you might have ICD over many things and that must be frustrating as fack.

This is true. And post it in RealB's log. Kid has larry wheels lite genetics but sabotaged by over-training.

But ultimately, addiction is defined by consequences. You really have very few consequences for excessive vs alcohol or drugs. I guess opportunity cost and pains, but nothing like substances/sex/gambling.

loco,

I'm referring to the time I spend in the gym. But it would be unhelpful to focus only on this. It's a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself.

You can tell the difference between someone who has a drinking problem and an alcoholic by seeing what happens if they stop drinking.

Someone who has a drinking problem, if they stop drinking, the problems disappear.

An alcoholic, however, can stop drinking and the problems are still there.

A sex addict can stop ****ing everything that moves, but then things like alcohol or other drugs or -insert indulgences- become their new addiction. They're only treating the symptom. They're managing their addiction rather than recovering from it. They're a dry drunk, which is not at all the same thing as being sober.

Evo,

Could you explain more what you mean when you assert "addiction is defined by consequences?" How do consequences toward internal states play into this for you?

For example, I have been at points where someone could point at my life and say wow, your life is great, so why do you want to die? If we only pointed at external reference points, it might be hard for them to understand.

loco,

I recommend this book: Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Familes

Here also is The Laundry List, which is a collection of mentalities and impulses most adult children of dysfunctional families struggle with the same way an alcoholic struggles with the drink.

D10
BW: 189

Been more mindful and downloaded MFP again. I actually got up to 194, but without the commensurate gainz I had to say LOL WTF am I doing.

Now I weigh less than Monte and Weasel! Combined!

Comp bench
185x4, 215x4, 250x4x5

3m rests between top sets.

Close grip bench
135x25

Deadlift
250x3, 295x3, 340x3x2, 385x2x5

4m rests.

HBBS
135x15x2

3m rests.

Weighted chins
+60x5x3

3m rests.

face pulls

Total time again 2.5h.

I had good motivation to finish up because The Child was returning from a 10-day trip with her grandparents and we really miss her. Of course she got a ride over with her new boyfriend and said she was headed out to a block party with his family LOL. But we'll see her later and it's great to have her back.