JW,
I am 28, my current GF is 26, the girls before since I was about 25-26 her were in order 24,21,21,23,32,23,19. This includes serious relationships with potential, friends with benefits and everything in between. I'm not including one or 2 time things.

I work with a ton of guys who are between 23-45 and the ones who are not married (including those in their 30s) don't seem to have any problems finding desirable women to date, including a ton in the 21-26 age range, plus a bit older. Many of these guys do not meet your criteria of the "only" type a hot girl will date. They are not all 6'1+ model types. What they have, and you lack, is confidence. They have confidence that attracts girls, the confidence to approach them, and the confidence to tell their friends to **** off if the girl doesn't fit within the norm of the group. Your assertion that you are in an impossible situation is ridiculous and creates a self fulfilling prophecy.

My current GF's housemate is a 29 y.o RN who makes an easy 6 figures and is smart, interesting and smoking hot. She is not married, and is still looking for the right guy. She would meet your criteria for being conservative, not a slut and going to church. She recently started using Match.com and christianmingle.com in hopes of finding a serious partner because she is sick of the bar scene. I agree with POF and stuff, they're probably filled with less desirable girls, but your assertion that there are no datable girls is ******ed. That being said, I think your best hope is moving to the midwest or south, or getting on a religious based dating site that you have to pay for.

no guys pick up girls at the gym, online dating is out of bounds, going to talk to a girl with doggies is unacceptable, approaching randoms at a bar isn't an option, and meeting people from outside of your normal social circle at a bar on a wednesday night causes you too much anxiety to do it.

it's not surprising that you think none of the decent girls in NYC are single when 90% of the girls you associate with are your friends' girlfriends, you refuse to meet any new people, and you have requirements that eliminate 90%+ of the NYC young adult female population.

J,

#1: Lots of nice gyms have hangout/social areas where people chill out after workouts and get to know people who go there. Some have various sports/classes/etc where people get to know each other. I'm not talking about going up to some random chick at the gym and hitting on her.

#2: You said you don't get invited to house parties/loft parties/etc. That is likely a big part of why you don't think there are attractive, single young women in NYC - you simply don't participate in the types of social activities or run in the social circles that they do. The cute petite all-American prep school type girl who maybe was a cheerleader and on Student Council in HS and was probably in a sorority in college who now works in PR or is a junior analyst somewhere or maybe has some entry-level job in fashion/publishing/entertainment is what I imagine you find attractive. New York is crawling with these girls.

I don't get invited to house parties because nobody I know hosts them. Not friends from college, high school, work, or extended people from those sets of groups. Nobody hosts them because they can't accommodate a party since the rent prices in NYC are astronomical and we get no space for where we live.

They are very rare unless you know somebody with a 100k+ a year job which none of us make.

Jw,

Perhaps meeting new people and doing new things would open these doors to you, which are currently closed by your limited social circle.

I don't know where El Diablo goes when he is in NYC or what type of income they have but next to nobody is hosting house parties. It's true what people say: we aren't in college anymore, the houseparty fun is over. NYC is all about the bar scene on the weekends.

I work with a large office and know many people. It's just not my closer friends, house parties don't happen in NYC routinely.

i think we've narrowed down one of the problems. you're not nearly rich enough to compete in the new york dating scene.

JWhitt,

Just because you don't know about parties doesn't mean they don't happen. And the fact that you are a mid-twenties professional in NYC and don't know anyone w/ a 100k+ job sort of blows my mind.

It's amazing how many shortcomings he sees in others but can find none in himself

stinky,

I'm assuming you are joking?

Diablo,

I actually do but I'm not close enough for them to be consistently inviting me to parties. They are older by a few years. Most people fall in the 60-80k annual range.

Samsonh,

All you do is rip me. There is a difference between preferences and shortcomings. I know you say I judge people but girls do the same thing to guys, but worse.

JWhitt,

A little more on parties. Some happen in lofts. Some happen in condos. Some happen on roofdecks. Some happen at bars/restaurants/clubs. Some happen in warehouses. Some are big blowouts. Some are small. NYC has parties going on all the time, all over the place. And guess what kind of girls get invited to these parties?

In the world that you live in, you are probably correct that you are hopeless in terms of ever finding a girl that meets your criteria. Unless you change yourself and your social situation, I think your self-assessment of your chances is pretty accurate.

Money certainly helps, but lots of people have access to lots of great social options due to looks (obv), friends (bring hot chicks with you, you get invited everywhere), personality (people love fun people), talent (people love hanging out w/ talented creative people), etc etc. But money can definitely provide a lot of shortcuts.

Speaking of money, I know multiple people in their 20s who work for the same company as you in NYC and make over 100k. Exactly how old are you? 26?

Well I don't make 100k. I should have been promoted by now but because of political issues and other stuff that was put off.

I don't see why that would hurt me with girls if I still do OK and will be promoted soon enough where I should approach that number.

no. a late 20s professional in NYC with a "good job" (especially in finance, which i believe is the field you're in) should be making at least 100k. i don't know how you can describe yourself and your friends as having "good jobs" if you don't make 100k at that age in NYC.

i have about 5-6 fairly close friends who live in NYC and are all in the 24-27 age group. they all work in finance and all make >$100k except one who is fairly rich from poker. at least two of them make >$200k.


so you're extremely unlucky in your career too?

J,

To be totally blunt, it just seems like your looks/success/personality/confidence are not good enough to attract the caliber of girl you're interested in. So much so that you don't even really have access to them now. And when you do run across one, she quickly loses interest. The fact that you pursue the type of girl who is 23 and looking for marriage/"The One" probably accentuates that even more.

You think those girls don't exist in NYC, and it's becoming clearer why now. In the world you live in, they actually don't exist, and certainly not for you. As I wrote above, unless you change yourself and your social situation, you're likely to just keep repeating the same type of experiences. The girls who see you as a catch will be ones you consider beneath you, and the rare times you run into one who you consider good enough, she'll have plenty of way better options in NYC.

I don't have a good job then. You can discount that if you want and I guess it's something else for girls to use against me though my income really comes up and I have no issue living in a good place and having money to take girls to nice spots.

I am in an industry with only 4 levels (consultant, senior, manager, senior manager) so each jump you make is significant money wise and career wise. It is extremely rare for someone in my industry to make 100k before the age of 30 but is extremely probable they will make 200-250k or more by the age of 40.

There are always way better options for a girl if she isn't beneath me.

So what do you want me to do? It seems hopeless.

And I in no way am saying I want to lock down a 23 year old. I NEVER SAID THAT. I just said that this is what happens to these 23 year old hot girls. They get in and stay in a relationship 1-2 years out of college.

I am also not in finance, I'm in accounting.

J,

Your job will likely be viewed as impressive/successful by girls who you see as beneath you, and boring/underwhelming by girls who you want.

This job topic is so dumb. I know guys unemployed or making less money with attractive girlfriends. I don't tell these girls how much I make. My job isn't working at Wendy's. When they ask about it and I explain it it's sufficient and sounds like a legitimate job.Which it is and has room for growth.

Stinkypete just wants to come in the thread and try to mess with my confidence.

Stinky, so when this girl learns that I make less than 100k she will lose interest?

Diablo,

Who are these girls you are talking about exactly? The imaginary single girls I don't run into and interact with?

I just want a room full of single girls that fit my criteria so I can go to work and then be shot down (if they choose).

J,

I don't want you to do anything. I am merely agreeing with you that, given how you have described things and your current attitudes/opinions towards life, it does indeed seem that things are pretty hopeless for you unless you change yourself and your social situation.

So meeting up with 2+2 people would change my social situation? I'm sure they went out an met a lot of girls last night.

J,

You've run into 3 of them in the last year or two, right? Those are the girls I'm talking about. There are a lot more of them around, but mostly not running in circles/situations you are part of. So for now, I'm referring to ones like those 3 that you happen to randomly come into contact with from time to time.

...

That statement by Diablo makes little to no sense. The girls I want (I'll use the last girl I failed with) don't understand my job (it's a niche field) and have no idea what I make or what the ceiling is to make in it.

J,

"So meeting up with 2+2 people would change my social situation? I'm sure they went out an met a lot of girls last night."

Sometimes you seem sort of ******ed. I am not talking about meeting some magical person who is gonna instantly usher you into the secret world of non-stop model-banging.

But you've just said that your social circle provides you with no access to parties and things other than crappy bar scenes. Yet there is a thriving world of parties in NYC. And I bet some of those 2p2ers or there friends go to some of these parties. This is how you create a social life in a city like New York.