Leave your phone at your place...

What’s my play here guys?

My ex and I were dating for 9 months. She came to my house on Monday and told me she knows I am the one she wants to end up with in life, but shes scared at having someone picked out at such a young age, and she thinks we both need to be single for awhile and figure out who we are.

We each had a really hard time with this breakup and we each still love each other very much. I was upset with this, but I realize where she is coming from. I love this girl a lot and I want to be with her. We said we would try the whole no contact thing for a few days, but I called her once and she called me once. When we agreed on trying the no contact, she said we could talk Thursday, which is today. As much as I would love to call her, I think my play is to just wait for her to contact me from now on. I think the only way we can get back together is if she initiates it. Am I on the right track here? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

We're 19 btw

You are both 19.

She "knows" you are the one, but "thinks" you both need to be single. Don't initiate contact. Just live.

You are both 19.

And she said I love you the two times we were on the phone. what am i supposed to think lol

I read half of it, thought "are you guys 18? why are you playing stupid games like that."

This wont work out. You dont find out if someone is the one by not dating them or trying others. And you are 19, let the relationship run its course and break up then. If she insists, then you need to get over her.

So I've known this girl for a couple of years. We hung out maybe 8 or 10 times altogether, sometimes 1x1, other times not, but always pretty clearly platonic. About a month and a half ago, she suddenly revealed a lot of interest. We spent a couple of days together, hit it off, made out a lot but no sex. I feel like I could've/should've got it pretty easily with a bit of effort, but she was cautious and resistant, things were otherwise going well and I didn't really feel the need to force it.

I meet with her again about a week and a half later at a festival and she surprises me with a "we should just stay friends" speech. I go along, but later that day there is another reversal with her basically throwing herself at me unprovoked. By the end of the day we are both pretty horny, a lot of chemistry, making out in the car, but again nothing further. She tells me that she's very attracted but is looking for a LTR and I am not a good match. So now, at this point I figure this must be a pretty obvious FWB scenario and try to convince her of this, but she insists that we get along too well, that she feels like she'd become attached, etc, etc.

Well, as time goes on, this pattern keeps repeating. We meet again, she talks more about what a bad idea is, we have a great time together, we make out again, she is confused. We meet like once every couple of weeks, mostly for live music, and every time it is great and there is a surge of interest. But it kind of decays as the days go by and then the next time we meet it is just starting the same **** over and over. I've tried getting her to meet up with me more often and more spontaneously but she immediately withdraws and becomes flaky. Then finally we meet and again there is a lot of attraction and it just kind of goes in circles.

It is worth noting that I am pretty much a total scrub when it comes to women, but I feel really comfortable around this girl and I feel like I'm learning a lot pretty quickly. She's older and savvier, and she's called me out before on just looking for experience and not really knowing what I want, and I realize that this is true. I also realize that she is right about FWB not being a realistic option, since the dynamic we have can sometimes get pretty intense and lovey-dovey. However, I am now pretty into this girl, and I think it's clear that she doesn't really know what she wants either, and it would probably be best for both of us to just progress naturally and see what happens. I guess I'm asking how best to steer this in that direction (and obv whether I should be trying to do it at all).

Another relevant detail is that she keeps bringing up some kind of weird internet LDR with a guy she met on a dating site. Apparently this guy is not local and she's never even met him (!), so I have no idea what is going on here. But he is coming to visit at the end of next month. I don't really care about this now, but I guess the guy is "mature" and has money and his **** together (which I don't), so if they hook up maybe the door will close for good. But it is just a weird situation imo and people misrepresent themselves on the internet, so who knows.

bedlam,

Less talk, more action. Sounds like she is giving you plenty of opportunities to take things further physically. Next time you get together, have a few drinks, and after you make out for a bit, instead of having a long conversation about where things are going, have sex.

I feel like 80% of my mental energy is spent on thinking about girls. I consider it an obsession/sickness (not perversion, but like a problem) Any ideas on how to lower that? I've come up with:

-keep busy
-focus on improving myself and my life

Also, I'm desperate and I worry I'm gonna end up with a girl that's bad for me. I already feel like I've crushed on girls that have issues that bother me but my desperation has overridden it. If someone comes along and is into me even though she's not right for me, I won't be able to resist. Any advice?

No offense but the bolded is obvious. She is fooling around with multiple guys while you sit around and pine after her. Tough but true.

bedlam, she is definitely going to band the internet guy though i don't think it closes the door for you since he doesn't live near her.

Theres nothing WRONG with it, but it seems dumb. More understanding if we are only talking relationships but seems silly not to bang girls on your "level" on slightly below.

Using that logic though, you will eventually date a girl that is a couple points higher than you. When you are with a 7 or 8 day in, day out, and can have her pretty much anytime you want, it's hard to get excited about a 5 after that.

I dont really see your point of being able to have her anytime you want. Obviously if you have a hot gf/FWB you arent going to sleep with someone uglier. I assume we are talking when you DONT have better options.

I like sex. Its fun. I would rather have it than not have it.

I've eaten really nice steak. Given the choice I will eat really nice steak over OK steak. Not having the option of really nice steak, I will still eat OK steak if offered.

WP

My point was more that that is a different situation

I know, could not not post a Tiger Woods picture.

Even when I was 15-18 it was nowhere near 80%. How is your sex and love life?? If you really do consider it a sickness then maybe you need to see a counciler or psychotherapist.

Hey posted this in another thread, not sure which was correct, but just need an answer asap so putting it in both.

Hey guys, question, need quick advice.

Just moved to costa rica and met these two chicks at a club, pretty hot. Been talking to them a little bit and they seem pretty into my roommate and I. We are hanging out tomorrow and I need advice in case it escalates, bc there is a catch.

Im 23 and my friend is 22. When we first met them we guessed they were prob 21 and 20, but upon asking they told us 19 and 18, so Im fine w that, but there is a possibility that the 18 year old might b lying and could be 17 and if thats the case the consequences in CR are pretty bad, so I def want to avoid this at all costs.

So plan so far was to use the line, " hey so im psychic, will u indulge me and pick any number." Then they do, then" ok now double it, now add 186, ok now cut it in half and now subtract the number u initially picked." At which point they should get the number 93, which is the year she would be born if she were 18. so then i say" ok thats the year u were born" Then she either says omg yes it is, or she pauses and tihnks about it and says no or yes, at which point if anything is fishy, i say ok well let me verify, i need to see some ID to make sure ur not trying to make me feel good or if she says wrong year, i say no way i dont believe u , let me see ur ID.

Any thoughts???

ask to see her ID. why make it any more complicated than it needs to be?

poor analogy. it's more like working at one of the best steak restaurants in town and you get all the steak you want, whenever you want, and it's bomb as. then you get fired or quit and you can't afford such good steak. so in the mean time, i'd prob not eat any steak, cause i was so used to having such good steak, it wouldn't compare and i'd just hold out till i could afford bomb steak again.

This may come off as insulting or pushy? I mean I can playfully ask once, but then I cant really push the issue, right?

you don't have to say "Let me see your ID. I want to have sex with you but I'm concerned that you might be 17."

Tease your friend about his ****ty ID photo. Then the girls start laughing at him. You guys play along and they wanna see his picture. You say ok, ok, but only if they show their ID pics as well. Then it's a fun little thing and they're none the wiser. If they act really weird and refuse, or especially if the younger one acts suspect, then you've got problems.

Why exactly are you going out with those two girls, if you are not even sure how old they are. Sorry, there are a million options out there, you dont have to stick to the first ones you find.

Spurious, don't be an ass. You know as well as I do that nothing beats fresh 18 yo trim.

ok well spurious i have another date on thursday w another girl and another this week as well not planned yet, but this is only 18 year old lol