I have the problem you have FF. No other girl is as attractive or good in the sexual area as my ex. I mean years ago we were on a break and I had sex with two girls and both times it was meh. And one of them was a model.

I'm guessing Ping is right, though, that we should wait a little bit before getting with any other girls.

FF If I were you I would force myself to move on, and part of that means banging this new girl. Do whatever you have to do -- stop watching porn, stop jerking off, pop a Viagra before seeing her...but ffs if you don't bang this girl, I think it's going to weigh on you pretty heavily and set you back even further. It's not the most eloquent or romantic thing, but I think you've gotta fight your way out of the shadow of your previous relationship with sheer force.

In the mean time, try to meet hotter girls with better tits and better smelling snatches, then you can go back to enjoying sex naturally.
Maybe trannies just aren't your thing?

+1 to stop jerking off completely. Also, do you smoke weed at all FF? If so, try doing that before you guys bang.

FF,bb:

I'm right in the middle of Ping and GcG. I don't think you're 100% ready yet, and this is certainly not the girl that is going to win you over, so I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and hang out w/ a bunch of different girls. It might not feel like it right now, but you'll have a much better connection w/ a lot of girls that involves great attraction and sex plus actually enjoying hanging out w/ her. I suspect a lot of that stuff is getting muddled together in your response to her, but I don't think it's important to untangle all that. All that matters is that the end result is you don't find yourself attracted to this girl overall in the way you need to be. I am very much the same way - after a few serious relationships where I really liked the girl plus had great sex, I lost most of my interest in just banging random hot chicks and I only get really turned on when I like a girl beyond just finding her hot. I don't think there's anything wrong with that and suggest you just keep dating girls casually and just move forward with the ones you have a little more connection with.

El D,

Unlike Dcifr, I have not found dating multiple girls to be the worst and I'd still be interested in hearing your accumulated thoughts on the subject re: logistics.

FF,

This advice is good depending on how good you are at pulling women. If you can get a new date every 2 weeks, then **** yeah, just keep going soft on girls until you find one you like. But if you're getting dates once a month, it could be a while until you start banging a new girl. In the mean time, this will confuse you and drive you back towards your ex, making you feel nostalgic about her and not letting you move on. Thus I say force the issue. This will also help your confidence in meeting other new girls (that you might have a better connection with) cause you won't have any doubts about your ability to perform in the back of your head.

Cheers guys nice to have some mature responses I expected to get a load of insults lol.

I'm gonna meet this girl once more, I mean to be honest before we got naked and I went down on her I was really attracted to her. 1st time we met I thought she was smoking hot and 1st time we kissed it really turned me on. I feel awful saying this but I just wasn't attracted to her that much once she got naked, all I could think of was my ex and how hot she was.. I mean I could literally fk 3-4 times in a night with my ex and he hard as steel everytime because she turned me on so much visually.

I'm surprised by how easy the dating has been. 3 out of 3 dates have wanted to see me again. Like I said I'm not Brad Pitt but I think I'm massively ahead of the average guy personality wise so that gives me an edge.

Oh and I told her about Poker, she thought it was cool and actually knew about game theory and stuff lol. Yeah I was shocked.

Plan is:

Stop wanking 4 times a day, maybe have 1-2 drinks to loosen up but not get too drunk, see how it goes from there with her. Problem is I know she's already getting pretty attached and I don't wanna crush her :\

Wtf is the play with condoms? I have only ever used them in the start of the relationship with my ex, when I had no prior experience. Then once she went on the pill sex actually becamse enjoyable.. I swear I couldn't feel a thing when I had one on.. I would rather not have sex than have sex with on on..

lol u really spank it 4 times a day?

fwiw, i also have trouble getting it up during the first couple of times hooking up with someone that I'm really attracted to. For me I think it's just a comfort thing. Once I get to know them better it's all good.

Get better condoms.

lol condoms. no thanks.

You wanna get tested before you have sex? I'd rather use two condoms than have unprotected sex with a stranger.

double wrapping is proven to reduce the effectiveness of using codems. i for one would much rather have unprotected sex with a stragner than use two condems becuase at least i'd get the full sensations plus the diseases instead of just the diseases.

I know, but using two condoms is still better than using 0 if you want to stay STD-free.

FF,

I have had a similar problem before as well. Part of it is because you instantly compare her with your ex and obviously only notice the negatives ( e.g. her tits in your case), part of it may be performance anxiety. etc. Also, one thing I've noticed lately is fatty food a couple of hours before sex really improves my sexual performance (getting harder faster and lasting longer). It may have something to do with fat raising testosterone levels or something.

lol.

FF,

I don't know of anyone that likes condoms. You could just blow each other (though if you're gonna go down on her, you might as well just **** her without a condom, as the two STDs I'd worry about most can be transferred to your mouth). Also try telling her how you hate condoms, that should relax you a bit, as it's a better excuse than"I don't find you that hot naked." If you get pretty turned on, then she quickly throws it on and you get in, just pretend you're not wearing one. Part of the reason condoms are such a turn off is psychological - looking down and strapping this plastic bag over your dick totally takes away from the raw sexual excitement, so just let her do it asyou distract yourself by looking at her tits or pussy. Good luck.

Also, lol at wanking 4x a day...pretty sure that's you're problem!

Well I already went down on her, I've always really enjoyed doing that and by her reaction I'm pretty damn good at it too. But like I said, and feel awful saying again - it really didn't smell amazing.. I know I keep mentioning my ex but she never ever smelt bad, I actually loved the way she tasted etc..

Lol I'd say on average it's 2-3, I have a really high sex drive and access to porn 24/7 so the sky's the limit some days.

Stop wanking so much.

Not all cooches smell nice.

Don't worry about it. You'll be fine after a few times with this girl.

FF,

Bad smelling vag is an insta-dealbreaker for me.

+1 but i usually give them the benefit of the doubt and give them a 2nd opportunity.

Mittens,

I date multiple girls, but unlike you rarely multiple girls on a regular basis for long periods. I casually date girls anywhere from a couple weeks to a few months, usually overlapping where some are sort of fading away and some are just starting out (and then there are some that sort of pop in and out from time to time). Once I start seeing someone once or more per week for a few weeks, I usually end up dating them exclusively for however long, about six months being the most common length for me. I'm maybe in relationships about 25% of the time.

I have a great near-photographic memory, so some of the issues Dcifr mentioned wrt keeping things straight aren't an issue for me. Some general thoughts/tips.

I don't talk about my dating life nor do I ask about theirs. I generally know which of the girls are only dating me and which are dating others, but only bring that issue up explicitly if we're going exclusive/condomless.

Of course, you end up talking about stuff you did, shows you went to, etc, and I've found the best policy is to never lie about that. "What did you do last night?" "Got sushi at that place" "Oh how'd you like it?" "A lot, we should go sometime." Sometimes that conversation goes "Who'd you go with?" in which case I just tell the truth "Some friends" or "My friend Jen" etc. If the girl is interrogating you about who Jen is and what your relationship status is with her, then this is no longer the right girl if you want to keep things casual. While I keep things general and omit some details, I never lie, which leads to me never getting tangled up in some web of excuses. Sometimes a girl who is casual and OK with it will joke around "So, was your date last night hot?" which I will answer w/ a true but playful response and then shift topics.

For early dates, I stick to places I know and like, but are not my handful of super regular hangout spots. For dates in the middle, I tend to go to new places I want to try. I usually only go to my super regular spots with girls I'm seeing exclusively.

I never Facebook friend girls I'm casually dating. If we stop dating and stay friends, I will usually add them on Facebook. If I get exclusive, I'm fine to add them, but usually by that time it has been a couple months at least and Facebook is not a part of our interaction and doesn't even come up.

I keep a list of when I contacted each girl last. Sometimes you get busy or caught up in things, and you can just totally forget about a fun girl you'd actually like to see more. I sometimes get super swamped for a few weeks with minimal time to date. When I get a little time, it's nice to have a quick reminder of who I might not have called for a few weeks. For people w/ bad memories, a spreadsheet w/ basic info about each girl and what you did, things you've planned, etc is probably a good idea.

I never call anyone, virtually 100% of my communication is via text. I'm seeing 25-33yo women in San Francisco. This may not be optimal, I just hate talking on the phone and like to keep things to quick electronic communications and in-person interactions. I keep my phone password locked and the text preview off. A girl can see and comment when I get a text from a female name at 2am, but that can easily be laughed off. Them seeing the actual text of the message can be disastrous, though.

I never take girls I'm casually dating out with my group of close friends that I hang out w/ very regularly. Add some drinks to the mix and even w/ friends who have the best intentions and sense of discretion, something that shouldn't be discussed that you talked to them about often comes up. Instead, I'll take those girls as dates to things like those BBQs or birthdays w/ friends you see a couple times a year.

From mobile:

Thanks for the in depth-post. I definitely don't give the amount of thought I should to taking women to regular spots (though I imagine sf has more acceptable options), nor do I give enough thought about introducing women to friends. Both have been causing me problems for a while, yet I honestly didn't think of "being more deliberate" as a solution. Gracias.

Well that's my play now, I really think it'll kill any erection I manage to get 2nd time round tho.

El D,

Do you find that when you casually mention "getting sushi with Jenn" and then playfully drop that she is hot and then change topics, that this generally makes the girl like you more? Or does it turn them off? Or does it depend on the girl? If so, what does it depend on?

anyone ever tell a girl they're dating that you don't like their new haircut/hairstyle? trying to think of a way to do this, but thinking it's probably a bad idea.

I did with my ex, didn't go well..

After doing some research.. apparently pussy should not stink if it's healthy....... fml.