While we're on the topic of going to visit chicks we might hook up with I got a quick question.

I know this girl we'll call Sarah. We met in Europe maybe 1.5 years ago on vacation. Nothing happened at that time but we basically just hung out a lot and being with her was an easy way to get away from our boring old parents so that was that.

Anyways, we've stayed in touch talking via Skype and that kind of thing pretty frequently. I'm ~2 years older than her in Uni so I guess she kind of thinks I'm a big deal. We had talked about visiting each other for some time and I have a break for a few days coming up after my next set of exams so I decided I'd fly and visit her and an old mate of mine that goes to Uni near her.

My thought was that she was always "in to me." I put that in quotes because we only knew each other on vacation and nothing happened at that time, but you can just kind of tell ya know? Well, anyways maybe a month ago during one of our conversations she says something like "I always wondered what might have happened between us if we lived closer together."

So I'm like 99% sure she's in to me and she's hot (real world 7.5-8, 2p2 4.5) so life's good. Am I an ass if I initiate something while I'm visiting? I'm staying with her, we will be drinking, and I'm 99.99% sure she's really in to me... so you do the math.

Thoughts? I really have no opinion on the subject of liking her since we live in different cities and go to uni in different cities.

I lived with the girl pretty much for the entire 3 weeks I was in Japan...and we only dated for a month or two before she left. It wasn't that awkward as long as you keep everyday eventful so you come back some days too tired for sex and some days primed for sex. I'm only mentioning sex so much because I think that's a really large concern; whether you'll feel irritated and unwanted if she doesn't put out, or if she'll feel pressured and what not.

il,

Obv she wants to bang you. Why would you be an ass? She knows you live way far away, she's insinuating she wants the d... this is like you're getting to start your end zone dance at 15y line. I'd say if you go out there and don't bang her you would be far more of an ass than doing the right thing and banging her until your weiner breaks.

So I was thinking about this yesterday on my walk home from work. I gather you have a whole philosophy on this kind of thing (this isn't meant as a criticism, just an observation that other people know who you are even if I don't), but this kind of action just seems childish to me. It sounds an awful lot like what I'd have done at the age of 15, not at the age of 25.

Henry's idea on a similiar kind of post that sex is pattern forming and you just have to start the habit again seems the right kind of solution to me, and to start with that you have to make a conscious (& vocal) change that you both agree with. I concede that you can't make it sound like you're backing her into a corner, but that's just a question of how you approach the conversation, not whether you have a conversation or not.

In any case, if someone's hugely busy with work they aren't likely to notice that you're off flirting with other girls anyway.

I hadn't quite considered it in those terms but I see that I'm obliged by man law to obey.

Not really man law. How would you feel if you were in her shoes and you tried to use some sort of moral authority/emotion based lameness to not sex? Its just human decency IMO.

il_martilo: "So this hot chick wants me to put my penis in her vagina. What's my play?"
EDF: "Uh, put your penis in her vagina?"

In my defense this whole hooking up with multiple girls at the same time thing is still pretty new to me.

rate my handling of this girl flaking out on me today.

pretty lame situation, but i give myself bonus self-respect points for

a)keeping the locale secret
b)not taking the "nice guy" bait with the "flowers and card" line
c)playfully crushing, then misdirecting her test of "youll NEVER give me a bath"
d)never being the last one to text back in an exchange

fwiw, i met this girl at a bar last week, called her 3 days later (standard imo) and set up this casual date (close to my house obv)


1042 7 still good for u? I get done with lab at 530.

1044 yeah that’s fine. Where are we going to go?

1044 SuperSecret!

1045 you have to tell me so I will know what to wear! Lol

1046 booty shorts and a wifebeater, obviously

1048 haha whatever. Seriously though.

1050 ill wear similar to thurs night. Nice shirt and flippy floppies

1124 haha ok. So, where are we really going? Lol

1143 why cant you just tell me where we are going lol? You’re gonna take me out on some back road and chop me up aren’t you?

1144 close but no cigar. Basement dungeon. Wooow you are persistent!
Nowhere classy on a first date, don’t worry so much!

1144 did you seriously just say that you weren’t taking me somewhere classy on a first date? Lol

1145 yea! You gotta play your cards right first lil miss

1147 I swear if you take me to damn applebees or something…lol

1148 applebees is McNasty. I never stoop lower than chicfila. Mmm chicfila

1150 I would leave if you took me to a chic fil a for a first date lol.
1156 not if we go to chicfila in Atlanta!

1200 that is very true. I can say that I have never had a guy take me more than 30 min away for a first date.

536 I do apologize, but I am going to have to cancel. I still do not feel well at all.

630 too bad. Give me a text if u want to make it up to me some other time

632 you are more than welcome to come over and catch my H1N1.
640 be careful, im 60% immune to all germs, every time

644 haha seriously?

645 yea. I haven’t gotten sick in like 2 years cos im in PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION

650 haha. Yeah yeah.

654 give me a call when u feel better and I MAY let u make it up to me

656 haha I have nothing to make up for. You should be trying to find out a way to bring me flowers and a get well card.

659 pfft that’s way too predictable. Id cook u some chicken noodle soup and then give u a bath

701 bath would NEVER happen.

702 u never bathe? Geeeeross!

711 I would never let you give me a bath.

713 that’s cos im a stranger now. Stranger danger!

722 I would have to know you for a long time for that lol

723 we’re running out of time cos u r gonna be dead from swine flu in the next few days

726 haha very true.

Well done but I thought the bath part was unnecessary.

poker > women eh?

It made my day to see you posting in this thread.

Don't think I'd date a girl who is too good for Applebees.

Liked your convo very much up til " pfft that’s way too predictable..." at which point it seems awkward and creepy.

I didn't even read the convo initially but it was funny. I agree.

yea i was pushing the envelope a little bit, but I think testing girls' comfort zones has its merits.

i was gonna put "sponge bath" (to play along with the fake sick angle) but that sounded even creepier.

i may have overstepped a teensy bit i think i recovered well.

FWIW I thought you handled this quite well and I was laughing for most of it.

WTF why didn't you just tell her where you were going?

chicfilas in atlanta arent all that special imo

Good. The bath part was cringe worthy however.

The bath part was not as awful as some are making it out to be. However.

You played her txt gme way 2 much. She flaked, you continued to indulge her.

'630 too bad. I'm going out with a bunch of friends tonite and we'll have a blast, l8r.' [or similar]

And you don't txt her again until she asks you for a meetup when she's 'feeling better.'

Doesn't sound especially convincing when you artlessly throw in that you're really going to have a good time despite her cancelling.

This. Your whole line sucked. Being a little aloof is fine but you went too far. She was going to go out with you but you were being immature.

+1

That was pretty horrible. I think if you had played it differently she would not have cancelled.

Chicks pull the whiny "tell me" line as a **** test frequently.

thanks to all for the feedback.


Yea youre right. I threw a couple "close the convo" texts in there, but when she replied, I would reply again. I was thinking to myself as we were texting back and forth that I was giving her too much enjoyment when I should have just dropped the convo asap.

I still dont think the bath line is that terribad. Depends on how serious you think I am I guess. Seemed harmless/playful/risky to me at the time (and now).

As for not telling her where we were going, I had made up my mind that I was going to keep it a surprise. Well, I had already told her previously to expect a low key, casual type place, so it wouldnt be much of a surprise anyhoo. The fact that she asked me 40 damn times in a row was a turnoff. Maybe Im being unreasonable on that.