I used to have this one weird date in high school. I "met" her from a forum and after a couple of chit chat, we decided to meet up. This was when internet dating was taboo and I was in desperado mode. Anyway, when I saw her face, I was like "oh shiet!" in a negative way. wtf did I get myself into. I chose the perfect destination to avoid any type of akwardness/conversations. We went to the movies and I fell asleep during the viewing.

After the movie ended, we went to my car and I asked if she wants to get something to eat. She said "no." I was "yes yes yes." After I dropped her off, I was confused as f***. I didn't know how to just cut her off; I didn't want to feel like I'm all about the tits and asses, though I greatly enjoy them. A few days passed and she didn't contact me. Then one day, she messaged me on AIM and said something to the effect of, "I don't think we can be together. I'm not attracted to you. I really enjoy talking to you because you're the shiet when it comes to conversations. You're so hot with your words. haha."

It was the happiest rejection I've ever experienced. Up to this day, I still don't know how to just cut off a girl. What I would do is give a half-ass courting effort and need the girl to be like, "uh, i'm busy studying tomorrow evening." Then I'll be like, "ok!"

I'd argue that the issue of uncertainty is the fault of the person who is refusing to see the message. In dating we have agreed to certain actions or omissions having specific meanings.

For some reason when someone is interested in someone else they are able to convince themselves that the communications infrastructure suddenly experiences a Bermuda Triangle effect with respect to the person who is not responding. Everyone else gets messages but the object of your affection is the exception. Is that really a realistic possibility or does it make greater sense to dismiss that line of thinking as willful-blindness?

If it makes you feel better girls have the same problem. An ex-gf of mine was recently dating a guy who suddenly started "being busy with work". I knew it was a brush off because I was looking at it objectively plus I had predicted the break up to the month and was expecting it. She on the other hand wouldn't let go or see the reality of the situation. She was willfully-blind despite the fact that over the years she had used the exact same excuse on at least 4 guys and that in all 4 cases it was a brush off.

I have my own theories about calling which I'm not going to get into here since most people will disagree with them. But if you choose to be a guy who calls then I think a good rule is to never under any circumstances should you exceed a second unreturned call. Two calls max.

I think the problem is that a lot of people don't deal with being told the honest truth well. I've seen the person being rejected make it very uncomfortable and in at least a handful of cases physically dangerous. That is hardly going to encourage people to be honest and truthful. Especially since the people who would deal with the truth well are also the same people who will understand the signs of a indirect brush off.

The only caveat I'd add is that doing the join a group of friends move might be misinterpreted by the "get too serious" type of girl as being a desire on the guy's part to have a coming out party for the new relationship. If someone does something like this they need to make a conscious effort to not sit next to her or pay her any more attention than anyone else.

You are not alone on this one. Most of my friends have no idea how to either. They just start avoiding her (not returning calls, being too busy, etc..). I actually have one friend who dumped a girl by moving. He was moving anyway but he just never told her. One day his phone was just disconnected and if she showed up his apartment it would be empty.

I have never had any problems with being honest. I just thinks its the fair thing to do since thats how I would like to be treated.

It is hard to honestly give a guy a "no" sometimes because some men get aggressive or confrontational and this is a difficult situation to deal with. It is MUCH easier to be polite and allow them to intrepret what you said to them as a "no". You shouldn't allow it to upset you. If you were a woman for 1 day I bet you would QUICKLY understand why we don't just say "buzz off".

Marry her. LOL thats about the only way she would ever trust you enough to allow that to happen. (Unless A. she is as dumb as a box of rocks or B. wants to be a porn star. & even then your screwed because she wouldn't let you film it for free.)

Btw the spy cam suggestion is just really low and if you use this tactic your a low-life and I hope her next boyfriend beats the **** out of you for trying it.

I'm not sure if it would be that hard to convince some girls. I've never tried but over the last year there has been about 8 girls I know of who were burned by trusting someone they shouldn't have (1 a guy got his ex to strip for him over a web-cam while pretending to be a new guy / 2 involved still pictures for a long distance relationship that got released when the relationship went bad / 2 were girls who had sex in public at a party and someone taped them / 1 was clearly covert without the girl knowing / 2 involved the same sleazy photographer-wanna-be). Assuming only a small percentage get released by angry guys after the relationship ends I'd assume there is a decent number of girls who don't think of the consequences.

I don't see the appeal in documentation myself. I can really only think of one reason myself and it is too obscure a reason to explain the number of guys who indicate interest in this. My answer would be to find a girl who is into it and gets turned on by it. It is a lot easier to just find a girl who would be into it than to try to convince someone who is not.

El D, cooking for a girl is definitely more impressive than taking them out to dinner (provided you can prepare something good). It has the added advantage of not having to ask them back to your place after a dinner date. And in my experience, if you cook them a nice meal they will **** your brains out that night. You also don't have to worry about organizing a taxi or staying sober which may inhibit your ability to sleaze onto them.

I think its overblown anyway and most girls don't really give a **** after they accept there's not much they can do. Its a dick move but its not really a taint on the persons reputation.

But every girl knows this. I don't see how that is a plus if she is still on the fence about sleeping with you.

If she has already decided she is going to then it makes no difference. If she is still thinking about it though she is going to feel like you're trying to set it up so she ends up in a position where she almost has to. That more often than not will actually make her not want to.

I agree. I think it looks a lot worse on the person who broke the trust after the relationship ended. These were all guys that are 2-3 times removed but after doing a dick move like that I'd never want them around. If they can stab an ex-gf in the back what will they do to someone else? I also can't see how any girl would ever date one of them again.

Janelle,

Are you saying that if your precious bf ask you, you will say no? Even if it's making love after a romantic evening on a special anniversary celebration where he wine and dine you and you know he loves you dearly and wouldn't do anything to hurt you?

I agree it's low. I don't agree with the next bf hitting the shiet out of the guy. That is ******ed and shows how much intelligence this next bf has.

Can you explain your reasoning? I don't follow how you connect hurting someone who deserves it with a lack of intelligence.

I'm assuming the GF is upset and wants this to happen as well.

I am saying the girl has to completely trust you. I was kidding a little about the extreme of a marriage proposal.

My impression from the poster was this is just a girl he is dating.

If you love a girl and found out her last bf took complete advantage of her and used her like that, are you saying you wouldn't want to beat the crap out of the guy? I would at least want my bf to say he would like to beat the crap out of him. I wouldn't want him to actually do it because he could get in trouble.

I just wanted to express how low-life that type of behavior is and it disgusts me that a guy would actually think of doing that instead of downloading the millions of gigs of porn out there available.

Link!

too much hanging out... not enough going out....

is this a common complaint you guys have to deal with after beign with a girl for a year or so?

Nope. Mind you I said falling into this trap of having a boring relationship is bad last week and people got upset. I think you need to maintain a active social life both as a couple and an individual or the relationship is doomed.

link to that part?

There's a temp receptionist at a client's site that I worked on who I've chatted during my breaks often for the 3 weeks i was there,
at the end of the three weeks I thought I should ask her out.
it was a wednesday fwiw, I asked her to just come along to shopping afterwards as I was looking for a new pair of jeans and she was a fashion styling student.

anyways, so it's some shopping my stuff, her stuff (obv i didn't buy her anything), then we were hungry and grabbed some dinner.
it was in the middle of a week so we could't carry it on long and she chose not to drink either. date ended slight akwardly at a metro station (she was headed opposite direction from me).

called her back a couple of days later just to catch up, she cuts it short saying she's busy and all so it's kaputt.

1. Her birthday is coming up in a couple of days. I was just thinking of totally ignoring it now that it seems like it won't go anywhere
2. sadly, I have been booked back on the client so will be returning to that office in a weeks time. and will likely bump into her again. wtf do i do?
how am i supposed to act?
she clearly knew i was interested so i think it's a bit weird if I don't say anything till I get back to that office and be like "oh hey, how you doing".
but then I've been cut off the phone call already once and I don't wanna be one of the dudes that doesn't get it and keeps calling her.

1. Ignore it.
2. I would not call again.
3. I would be hey, how you doing? She knows you were interested and you know she wasnt. No need to bring it up really. I guess you could say something like too bad it didnt work out if that makes YOU feel more comfortable around her.

Go do the job like a normal person.

How you normally act.

That's not weird at all. When you see her at the job just be friendly and carefree and don't act all weird and obsessed about the fact that the date didn't work out. It's no big thing.

Also, the sort-of-date shopping type of thing you did was horrible. You should've chatted her up and when she was into you, ask her on a real proper date. The semi-date thing that people here seem to like to do a lot just screams weakness and immasculinity and doesn't build excitement, and leads to friend zone.

Agree with everything except the last sentence. Don't bring it up under any circumstances.

It's also polite, which is sufficient reason in itself

I don't want to sidetrack this thread too much, but perhaps there's a link between people here who also post in strat threads vs. those that don't. The former group don't consider it important if someone says something interesting that they disagree with, the latter are more likely to?

whoa, you know edison chen irl?