What is the avg number of times/week a couple should have intercourse?

Obviously some average exists, however its irrelevant.

Every person's/couples' sex drive is different. One couple may have a great relationship with no sex due to physical constraints. Another may fk 4x/day, suffer from a sex addiction, and have a miserable relationship.

Your relationship is in a terrible state. The lack of sex life is a symptom of the problem, not the cause.

My relationship is actually not in a terrible state. In fact it's been much better lately.

We've had sex twice in the past week. We shared a bed on both friday and saturday night. We cuddled on the couch and watch a movie. We went out for dinner one night. We made dinner another night. There seems to be more affection coming my way.

I'm just wondering what the average is for both my own curiosity and perhaps so I could say something along the lines of how I really like how our relationship is getting back to how it was. I'm not sex some crazed maniac. I obviously enjoy having sex but once or twice a week just isn't enough. *the average couple does it 3-4 times* and I think it's fair to seek that.

Basically I just want to be able to be reasonable in my requests for more sexual activity and if I can point to some average it won't paint me as some sex addicted freak who is just trying to do it all the time.

When we were first dating, like only the first month, it was probably 2x a day. I think that's probably true of most new couples, if not more. It's decreased a lot since then but over the past 20 months or so I'd say we averaged maybe 3 times a week. Just want to get back to that, and get some sense of what 'normal' is.

Excuse my confusion. Your last updates:

Sex 3-4x/week falls within "normal" for sexual activity. However it doesn't matter. If she wants sex 1x/month, and you demand "normal" frequency, she is still going to find it a chore and you annoying.

In a healthy relationship both people will seek to see each other satisfied and happy, regardless of whether their desires fall within "normal." This is true not only for frequency but for a vast array of sexual preferences.

ya it's understandable. i hadn't really updated the thread on the situation. it has gotten better though.

just wanted to know if maybe i was expecting too much sex, or if it's quite standard longer into a relationship = less sex.

i also think that even if that is true, a good sex life is part of a healthy relationship and if one party still wants it more often, maybe those two people aren't best suited for a relationship.

So give us a proper update then.

A lot of people took the time to give you a lot of good advice and now you are back asking for more advice without any more information.

You should be able to talk about this candidly with your partner, rather than polling a pool of random poker playing nerds haha. It seems like she has trouble saying when something is wrong, which isn't good.

We do deserve an update. :P

I'm also pretty convinced that the early situation you were in was best solved by waiting to see what happened rather than all those "talks" you were doing. It sounds like her actions are finally starting to go the right way, so that's good!

to that dude that's really concerned about stuff, my earlier post about your situation was not sarcastic. I was legitimately enjoying reading about your situation. Even if I was negative towards you who gives a ****? Post if you have something to post about....

this...

more elaboration?

We talked. I never accused her of cheating or anything. Just that I think the health of our relationship requires more affection. Not just sex, but some sort of affection. I told her I understand the bed thing and that we both get better sleeps in different beds, but when it's added to the fact we don't sleep together sexually or have much other forms of intimacy it is really weird and detaching.

Her main point was that I don't take her out on dates and do romantic stuff enough. She acknowledged that she set low expectations for that over the past 2 years. Seems to be something she wants more of now, so that's what I need to work on.

Today was really good. She'd approach me multiple times to kiss me and stuff. For the past while I was the one who had to initiate contact. And ya, as I said we slept in the same bed over the weekend and had good sex too. I'm really hoping we do tonight, but I'm already imagining that she'll be too tired due to the gym and yoga. I have my hopes up though.

Def a non zero chance she cheated on you while traveling based on what you said in bold. It's not something she just all the sudden wants more of now, she wanted that for the past 2 years and you didn't do it.

To state the obvious:

If you're a better boyfriend in terms of being awesome, the sex will happen.

Just pretend it is the beginning of your relationship...if you try harder by taking her on nice dates, she will return the favor by trying harder and offering up more sex...it's a 2 way street

Ok, thanks for the update.

Again, I find myself agreeing with Lucid - She comes back from a trip abroad and suddenly her behaviour and attitude towards you has suddenly changed. She is keeping you at arms length, sleeping in a different bed, provoking arguments and not wanting to have sex with you.

The bit in bold should definitely be an alarm bell for you. Girls don't suddenly wake up one morning out of the blue with thoughts like this. She is comparing you to someone else.

If you are cool with the idea that she might have cheated on you on her trip and you are prepared to accept that and use it as a wake-up call to work harder at your relationship because she is the woman of your dreams, then I guess ok, whatever, then that might work and it's your perogative I suppose.

But from the outside looking in, if everything you have said is true and you aren't leaving anything out, then I still don't like what I see. If she wasn't living under the same roof as you and/or if the guy she might have cheated on you with was living locally to you, then your relationship would have been officially over a few days after the return from her trip.


Either way, the lack of frequency of sexy time with this girl is the least of your troubles IMO, but it is most definitely a symptom of the underlying problems mentioned above.

GL

Yeah if you google "signs your girlfriend is cheating on you" multiple pages will have stuff that is very similar to the behaviours you're mentioning.... Like stuff you say regularly makes the top 5. I would even go so far to say that if there's a top 10 posted you generally have at least 3-4 of them mentioned (and I'm sure you haven't said some of the ones that could be signs just because they didn't stand out to you).

My opinion based on everything he has now posted is that she probably did cheat on him. She went to Asia for 5 weeks, was back with him and they didn't have sex for 2 weeks. That is really really strange.

Now he's posted that he has been with her for 2 years not taking her out on dates much. I think there has to be a pretty reasonable chance she met a guy that made her feel sexy and wanted, something she probably hadn't really felt much of in a long time and she ends up cheating.

The fact that you were in a relationship with this girl for so long and were such a bad BF is the biggest problem here. I have no idea how you want to proceed in your relationship if she cheated or if she didn't but you should at least come away from this whole thing realizing that no matter who you date if your a bad BF this will happen over and over to you.

Just to fight off a little of the doom and gloom.

Actual cheating (slept with random dude in asia) isn't a requirement for her to exhibit these behaviors.

Many possible physical acts less than sex could have occurred, dirty dancing, make outs, topless body shots etc... who the fk knows. Any of which could cause the weird behavior.

It is also plausible nothing physical happened. But while she was around the singles scene she found herself jealous of her single friends and their freedoms, which caused feelings of resentment towards absentee boyfriend, and raised many doubts about her relationship.

+1

Trust me, from someone who was in her shoes. Not saying something definitely did happen/she cheated, but she met someone who made her feel differently (about you and the relationship she was in). Part of her recent increased effection towards you is the realization that what she had in Asia is no longer real and/or an alternative.

Be what she wants. Take her out more. Be more romantic. At worst, it's going to relieve the symptoms. Maybe it will be the cure, maybe it won't.

Small update on my case.
Probably haven't been handling this very well, or maybe I have, no idea.
Since last time I posted here I've been seeing her 3 times.
Tbh, I just got back from her place.
Girl is completly in love with me and what can I say...I'm having bigger feelings than usually also.
But I have already prepared my mindset that nothing long run doesn't come out of this anyway.
Now we have a one week period when we don't communicate with each other b/c her guy comes back from abroad. (goes back after a week.)
We'll see does she have those same feelings after this week and how myself feel about it.
Right now I'm kind of chill and just enjoying the situation and whatever happens, happens. Not very deep with feelings and I try to keep it that way.
But it def. is a little more than just fkbuddy thing between us.
She also told me that she haven't kissed her bf for a year and hates having sex with him. Told that she doesn't remember the last time she was so happy like with me.

She's not happy with you, she's happy with the idea that she's found an "escape" from her dead relationship

and it feels so good

imo

Yeah that sounds right.

Advice on breaking up with someone you still really get along with but now have zero sexual interest in? I'd like to avoid hurt feelings if at all possible.

We've been dating for a year and she has gained significant weight and generally let herself go. I've tried to drop a lot of obvious hints and offered to get her in the gym but it's just not working and I know this girl well enough by now that it's just not going to happen. She was not raised to live an active lifestyle. She texted me "Man, I'm so sexually frustrated tonight..." last night and the last thing I wanted to do was **** her so I pretty much knew it was over.

Tell her the truth and hope that the harsh reality forces her to make a lifestyle change.

Tell her the truth, but try to be a bit nice about it. It'll be a good wakeup call- this is assuming you've dropped some serious hints I guess

Why does he care if she makes a lifestyle change, he seems pretty mentally done with it from the post he made.

DO NOT tell her you're breaking up with her because she's fat. That's such a ****ty thing to say to someone...I mean do you think she doesn't realize it at this point? Also, he said he would like to avoid hurt feelings, how does telling her she's fat do that in any way?

Just break up with her and hope she figures it out on her own or wants to improve herself before she gets back into the dating scene.

Don't say its because she's fat, but that clearly you have different priorities (unless you are a fatty too, in which case you are hypocritical but yet oh well).

I mean i've told gf's in the past I would dump them if they got fat (someone tongue in cheek), then when they obviously got angry I explained it wasn't the result of being fat, it was the change in who they were in that they no longer cared about things that were important to me blah blah and we had different views on how we wanted to live life blah blah and they were like 'oh yeah, well i guess that makes sense'. Relationships between people who have vastly different views on exersize diet just generally don't work

If you want to avoid hurt feelings you should definitely not mention being fat at all, hah. Also if you have any mutual friends. You don't wanna be known as the guy who "broke up with a girl because she was fat", because word will spread fast (even though it's perfectly reasonable obvobvobv).

So I guess I go back on my original post.