how have you not seen a doctor about this?

zonk-
no concern, just make sure you kiss her on the second date. preferably before the end

What do you guys think of long distance relationships?

I'll keep it short since no one cares about details.

Met a girl 1,000 miles away on Match.com. Been talking 2 months. We are going to meet next month. I'm willing to move there if it works out. But probably won't move until next summer. Have not actually met her in person yet. Can it work?

Sure it can... The ultimate litmus test is if you hit it off in person. Certain things cannot be tested until you meet in person. Take it as slow as you can though, easier said than done though. If you don't take it slow, it can really bite you in the ass if not in the short run, the long run.

It doesn't sound good that she didn't even let you walk her to her car, quick handshake and quick hug. Call for a 2nd date, don't expect one, though, unless she is in fact awkward or a prude

update:

saw her last night for drinks in the city and we both had a really good time. Based on last night i think she developed some feelings for me.

I was originally supposed to go to an event with her this weekend and she was very excited for me to come. I get a text today saying that I don't have to come, but I still can as long that I realize that she is taken (trying to hook me up with friends etc). She was obviously having second thoughts or "testing" me to see if I would still come.

for the first time in this situation I thought rationally and decided its not worth it. I just said basically that I don't want to put her in an awkward spot and make her feel uncomfortable. The realization of what I would have to go through to make this work became apparent and I basically broke it off. Slim percentage of success, plus if I was successful I would have to put up with a **** storm like a previous poster mentioned. So this whole situation was a waste of time and emotion and it would just get worse if I pursued it.

There is a point where she will realize if she is into her marriage or not. So if she is than I hope she has a good life, if not than she may come crawling back. But at this point I'm done with it.

nohands,

Sounds like a quick and reasonable resolution to this situation.

I'm wondering the same thing. On this same page I made a post about a girl I've been hooking up with on vacation to my hometown. Since then it's kinda gone from "How do I get over her quick" to us talking about having a long distance relationship for a while. She has 1 year of school left and I have to kinda stay where I am for now for financial reasons. I may only see her for the first year about 4 times for a week at a time, and one of those times will be for 5 weeks.

It's scary to think about all the what if's, but I really don't want to end it. It's so hard finding good girls these days ,I find.

It's a terrible idea in both of the circumstances you two have brought up. You don't have a relationship, yet you are wanting to get into a very difficult long distance relationship with a girl you barely even know? Stop getting oneitis and falling for girls you barely know. JFC.

LDR's are hard enough when you have already been together for 1yr plus and already love each other, let alone when you don't even know each other.

Big man: Do not move 1000miles away to be with a girl you haven't even met. This should never ever be a consideration. I just can't imagine the scenarios where any of the above ideas could possibly ever be considered smart ideas?!? Please back me up and stop these people doing stupid things other people in this thread

+1000

I agree with everything posted here. A LDR has a hard enough time working when it starts out as a normal relationship from the beginning. Starting a relationship that is a LDR from the beginning is not only strange/weird that you're starting a relationship with someone you have never met or been physical with before...it's just going to be really hard to maintain a relationship like that.

Moving 1k miles to be with a girl that you don't even currently know is a really crazy thought to be thinking imo.

I was gonna post "you're moving too slow"... but yeah...

what they said.

I didn't even know how to respond because even considering a LDR given the details is so weird, but ya what the last few have said obviously.

Well, I should explain our situation more. We are both disabled.

I mean normally, yea, I wouldn't do it. But it's VERY hard for me to meet girls that have the same disability. And the ones that I have dated have never had the patience to understand that there are limits to what I can do.

It's actually how she found me. She looked up guys with my disability on Match.com and came across me online. She has kids from a previous marriage and cannot leave the area that she lives in. At the same time, I just moved to where I live now and don't have ties in the area. Picking up and moving is not a big deal for me.

Also I should point out, I wouldn't just move out there. We are going to meet in a few weeks and see where we are.

Hmm. I feel like a bit of a dick now.

Not knowing more about the situation it's hard to say, but it does change things. If you have a very specific type of girl you are after, or specific criteria, hard and fast rules like my rant above probably don't apply. A girl I know is in a similar situation, where she only wants to date guys of a certain nationality/religion and there are about 4 of them in New Zealand, so she does a lot of long distance internet dating as well.

I would still caution against moving there, though obviously depends on your personal situation. I imagine it puts you in a tough spot, but it's important to try and focus on how compatible she is outside of the disability. It could be quite easy to fall for her because she ticks the required boxes, but there is a decent chance outside of that she isn't all that compatible, but your judgment is clouded by the fact that finally you have found a girl who does tick said boxes. Don't rush into things imo, and try and get some objective opinions on whether or not she is worth the move from friends etc.

Don't feel like a dick, haha.

Yea my #1 criteria is to be happy and with someone that understands me. We both think if it's meant to be, it will work out.

I went through a relationship that was extremely similar. Down to almost every detail, except that we lived together for a much bigger part of the relationship. I don't want to go into details, but feel free to ask.

About the quoted part: Don't have any illusions, this is not a maintainable relationship. It is normal for couples to go through rough times. All it takes is one random crush for one of you to realize how much you are really missing out in your current relationship. And then things fall apart very quickly.

Looking back at it, several years later:

We were inexperienced in the beginning. What should have been a few minor road bumps snowballed because we did not know how to deal with them. After a few months, i don't think there was any way for us to fix the situation without professional help. There is so much negative reinforcement involved. The constant negative sexual experiences are crushing on the self confidence. This leads to being very self conscious in the bedroom, and you tense up even more.

Good news is that there was nothing wrong with us individually. It took me a long time to get over the relationship emotionally, and i don't think she is really over it yet. But sexually i never had any issues with other partners. She told me everything is fine for her as well in that regard.

I think we had very bad sexual chemistry all along, and were too inexperienced to recognize that.

Confusing spot:

Met this girl somewhere near my place, chatted for 10 mins odd, she loved the interaction etc. She lives 40 minutes out, but said she'd call me when in town.

I texted her back and forth a bit, and she said she's coming here on Monday (tomorrow). Cool. I called her yday (Saturday, I met her a bit earlier in the week I guess), and the conversation went pretty weirdly.

"what you up to"
"Nothin, I gotta eat in a few minutes tho [should have said I'd call her back later here, but i digress]"
*banter banter*
me- "so why you're coming to town? "
"I'm meeting [x band], they're coming to town. Wanna come with?"
"[joke joke] haha, nah, where are they gonna be?"
"The place"
"The place?"
"The place"
"What place is that?"
"The same place as last time"
"I can't really say I know where that is to be honest"
"you know... the place!"
"the place."
"The same place!"
"the place"
"Hey I gotta go actually... my foods ready"
"Uhhh right... well you wanna meet up after you see the band? at X where I met you?"
"[cant remember exactly what she said, sounded like she may have wanted to get off the phone] uhhh sure, hey I gotta go [at least i think she sorta agreed]"
"*chuckle* alright, be in touch"

Whole phone call was like 3 minutes. I know it's bad I hung up on the point of asking for the meetup, but to be honest I was a little flustered and confused as to what was going on, as everything up until now was super smooth. Ideas?

Ideally I'd like to text her something random and have her respond with "what's up tonight btw?", but things are never that easy. Do you call her? Text her? The one thing I wanna avoid is asking her "what's up tonight" and have her flake out with some lame excuse, which is obviously terrible for any future chances with her. I'm considering "cancelling first" on her if she doesn't offer up anything, and trying to set it up for another day, seeing she seemed uncomfortable with the whole thing over the phone

Extra note: She is around 18 I'm guessing, so may not be used to talking on the phone. had this problem in the past, seems to be a common affliction

sorry... that got long

Why didn't you accept her invitation to go see the band? Seems like that was the nobrainer thing to do.

Based on the phone conversation I wouldn't get your hopes too high regarding this girl, as she doesn't seem that interested. In saying that, my plan would be to go out with some friends for a few drinks on Monday night, that is something she can join you in. Just give her a text tomorrow saying we at x place having some drinks, come join after the concert and see what happens.

I don't like not being on comfortable territory on a first date, I don't know where it is, what it is, if it'll be too loud, etc. That, and I'm not interested in it.

I like your plan, if I could find some friends haha, but I have a feeling it will prove difficult Backup?

That sounds quite boring. Just go with it?

I mean I guess you are just left with your current plan, to organize meeting up with her after the concert. It's not a terrible plan, but it's definitely a distant third imo behind the other two options. Keep in mind that she is probably going to go with friends (I assume) so you will probably have to go and meet them somewhere after the concert. Depending on how often she visits your area, I may just give tomorrow night a miss if this is your best option, as it's not ideal, and try to organize a date with her another time.

Yeah, you'd think so, but she didn't mention any friends, so who knows. Fwiw I don't think it's a concert, as she simply said "meeting the band". I think if she had friends on her it'd be messy, so keeping that in mind I think I'll most likely go with my original plan of calling the whole thing a wash as smoothly as possible, trying to get her more comfortable, and then going for the meetup at a later date (or the day after, if she's still here).

Unless she shows some serious interest in meeting up, anyway.

What a mess.

Thanks for the solid advice.

Deldar you mentionned the girl being 18, how old are you?

umm, so hung out with this girl im def interested in on thurs which is her night off.I called her and we agreed to meet up. at the end she mentioned sth about calling me the next day. I was like cool or whatever. Next day she end up textin me and I was like cool I'm free tonite so we can meet. 1.5 hours later she messages me back and says we can go eat.So we hung out 2 nights in a row. Next night I was out with some firneds and she texts me just asking if I was happy yesterday or some **** and just talkin about she was home tired becasue she could not sleep the night before.


But she called from her other number but I still has it saved. So I replied back and then she replys back and says "you know me"?, which I thought was weird almost like she was trying to trick me or sth. I reply back and say of yes hehe I know you and include her name. she replies back saying hehe yes I am. now i go bed, see you later. Im like ok cool see you gn. Her english is not so good fwiw.

Anyways last night I decided to messg her and just ask her if she was feeling better today and got some sleep. she message back "yes Im ok hihi" Which is the reason for my post. I didn't like the text. Completely ridiculous to try to read into that text correct?

uh... 22?

why?

Hey I've followed this thread loosely and I'm hoping someone can give me good (unbiased) advice about a really ****ed up situation I'd like to pm.. I'm normally not private but just out of respect for this girl I'm seeing I don't even want to post it but I'm completely lost on how to handle this situation

(and thus asking someone on the internet about a serious situation - only other person I could ask is my brother and I already did..I just want a line-check to make sure I'm not insane for reacting the way I am/acting rational here)

lol delete this.Im tapped when it comes to texts, I just can't help myself. Guess I was just looking for a more like so how the hell was your day btw instead of just the short text. but yea lol.