As an engineer I have no idea what this means

As an ex-audio engineer... I truly don't either. Always just thought it went well with that series where the real punchline is in the fly joke.

My hamster died.

I did have a hamster that died. Silence

Lol. Best.
Then why 2?

screw as in have sex

Ah -_- Nice.

an epl one for you.

how many liverpool supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Friday Joke

Tom, Peter and Jack were completely sloshed at the bar. When they decided to head home, they all got into a cab. The driver seeing that they were not in their senses, just turned the engine on and then turned it off after some time without moving the cab.
He then announced that they had reached. Tom pulled out some dollars and gave it to the cab driver. Peter just said thanks & got out of the car. Jack, before getting out, slapped the cab driver hard. The cab driver, not expecting to be caught, was taken aback. He asked, "What was that for?"
Jack said, "If I find you drive this fast ever again, I will report you to the police."

Are any of these funny?

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed ...

If god didn't approve of homosexuality ...

The doctor diagnosed me with cancer. I asked him how long I had to live. He said "ten". I said ten what ...

Card for someone who is leaving your company.
We never had a chance to get to know each other, but I've always noticed you in the office and I just have a feeling we'd get on together. How about a drink sometime, maybe dinner? Who knows where it might lead? ...

Well, that one's offensive.

I like this one better when told thusly (NSFW):

why did the panther get lost?

Some terrible jokes that I heard today to bump the thread :


Have you heard about the Mexican train killer?
He had loco motives.

I was going to join a debating class but i got talked out of it.

My maths teacher said I don't pay attention, but u know what, that's his or her opinion.

Fixed

Why is everyone's pants so low these days?

Because dungeon dragons scare the **** out of them.

Ban.

What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Waaaaateeeeeeer

... okay it's better if you can say it out-loud.

I was in the bar drinking with Descartes the other night. It was getting late when the bar tender asked him if he wanted another beer. He said " I think not" and POOF he was gone.

gutz what's happened to your seahawks avatar?

intercepted at the goal line
new band wagon

A mother-in-law stopped by unannounced at a recently the married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my 'love dress'," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves it when I wear this "dress"! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

On the way home, the mother-in-law thought about the "love dress". When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"

There's only one thing that women are good at, and it's not driving a car.

What did Bruce Lee ask Santa for for Christmas?