A woman was screaming at her husband, "I want a divorce! Get out!"
The husband is packing his things, when his wife shouts "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
To which the man turns and replies, "so you want me to stay?".

knock knock
who's there
ach
ach who ?
bless your soul.

knock knock
who's there
Jesus
jesus who ?
u dont know jesus from the bible ?

knock knock
who's there
cash
cash who ?
no thanks , i would like some peanuts though!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arfur.
Arfur who?
Arfur got!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows don’t go who, they go moo!

thread haz been saved with 5 good knock knock jokes.

I recently went in for a prostrate exam. As the Doctor pulled on the
<snap> rubber gloves , he said
"It's not unusual to get an erection during this examination."
I said "Don't worry Doc, I wont."
Doc says "I wasn't talking about you."

If you ever happen to see me drowning please keep walking. Thank you.

idk what u mean by this exactly, but sounds like you enjoyed my jokes, TY!!!
i will find more on the interwebz for your viewing pleasure.

recently I went in for a prostate digital exam. Young, fairly hot female doctor.

She tells me I have to stop masturbating.

'Why?', I exclaim, '...it's a perfectly normal and common function!"

She says, 'Because I'm trying to examine you'.

A princess finds a talking frog in the woods, "kiss me and I'll become a beautiful prince" says the frog.

The princess kiss the frog and instantly he transform into a gorgeous prince.

The princess is delighted and instantly falls in love with him.

"would you marry me? " ask her to the Prince.

He look with his beautiful blue eyes and say "no".

And the prince lived happily ever after, drinking beers, watching football, sleeping late everyday and ****ing every woman he could find...

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I was in seeing the Proctologist recently. He called the Nurse in and whispered something I couldn't hear to her. Shortly she came back with a 6 pack of beer.

"NO, GDIT I said a butt light"

take a break gutz

I was in the bank this afternoon and the Proctologist was in line in front of me. He reached into his pocket to endorse his check, pulled out a thermometer, and exclaimed!

"GDIT some AH has my pen!"

If these were even half funny in the first place, you ruin them by badly shortening remotely rude words. Just really bad to read.
+1
Lol'd. Moar!

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing


Sent from my Nexus 5 using 2+2 Forums

I heard this a long time ago only the kid was speaking directly to the customer and said: Can I interest you in a lawn mower with that? The customer says: Why the hell would I need a lawn mower with a box of Tampons? and the kid says: Well, seeing as how your weekends shot to hell you may as well cut the grass.

I kind like this one better, cuz it's shorter.

A man walks into a doctor's office. The doctor asks "How may I help you?" The man replies " I don't know. Everything's fine with my health". The doctor asks "Well why did you come here then?" The man replies "Because the light was on!"

Isn't this supposed to be a moth instead of a man?

^^
funny.

Miss the ice cream head gif.

Lol, agreed on all of the above 3-5 posts. And yes, agree to killing a small part of all of us, so let's move on. New joke please!

he hopes GutZ will post more jokes