im gunna make short replies to each post one by one then end with a big summary
Quote:
Originally Posted by TurnUpTheSun
even though she was looking for me/waiting for me after class? you dont think itll make her insanely happy?
heh
Quote:
Originally Posted by TurnUpTheSun
i dunno, usually id agree with both of you. but this is the same girl that moved her backpack to sit next to me, skipped up next to me when i walked out of class before her, and then looked for me after class today.
that doesnt change anything?
no. some girls are just flirty/friendly. it's one of many factors you need to consider but not dispositive of anything. however, more on that later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TurnUpTheSun
i feel kinda like by not saying something im giving the impression of not being interested?
this is a valid concern no one has touched on, but, again, more on that later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TurnUpTheSun
i mean i know everything you are saying is true, but im gonna keep playing devils advocate.
reasons you could be wrong:
1. shes young. she hasnt had the game played on her too many times, if at all.
2. shes not a typical annoying girl who messes with dudes. i mean she has made it very clear that shes somewhat interested (moving the backpack, skipping up next to me, looking for me after class).
3. ive done nothing to show interest back really. i mean sure i got her number and asked her to hang out, but that was friday and nothing became of it. does it look like ive just forgotten about her now? i know thats probably what we want her to think to keep her on edge, but she doesnt seem to be the kind of girl that is really interested in games (see #2).
4. i want her to at least know im somewhat interested, right?
this is all meaningless debate. there's no reason to go through this process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lastchance
1. Doesn't matter. You're pretty much a creep if you keep contacting her without having anything to say, unless you're already dating.
2. Yeah, and you want to continue this. You should ask her out. In Real Life. Simple. Strong. Going to work.
3. No, you haven't forgotten about it. However, you are busy and have other things to do. And you can wait. This is the point of asking her out again on Wednesday.
4. Letting her hang for a little bit is fine. Note: She is probably thinking about you, however, clearly, like a sane girl, she also has things to do. She is not thinking about you all the time.
Your excuses to text her are lame and bad. If you acted like this in front of her, you come across as hugely needy. Just ask her out when both of you have free time.
1. yes, but he's hardly at that point.
2. Sure, but not in a formal way.
3. Yes he's right. You need to show you have a social life outside of gunning for her. Friday-> Monday is nothing in time.
4. Right. It's possible she's interested and (almost certainly if so) not obsessing, of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TurnUpTheSun
see thats the thing. i just get really anxious and neurotic later and run through scenarios in my head. its not so much that im waaaaay too invested emotionally, i just am very bad at keeping my emotions in check (if youve read some of my posts you may have been able to tell). i pretty much insta-fall in love with any girl that gives me attention, but i know thats its not "real". also, this thread helps keep me in check and stops me from doing stupid things that i otherwise probably would do, due to my inability to function normally as a human.
Get a hobby. Go see a movie. Pursue other women. Hang out with your friends. Read a book.
Running through all the scenarios and constantly over-analyzing things is probably a product of free or idle time than anything else. One potential downside of this thread is we rip apart and thoroughly investigate sometimes incredibly simple and straightforward scenarios. You can't get to the 8th level if it stops at the 3rd level.
Then you carry that behavior forward into your mind IRL and everything gets all ****ed.
Here are my summary thoughts:
You are over-analyzing, as I laid out above. That 4 points post is an example of it. Let me ask you this: if you determine for SURE that she is interested in you, will it change your approach at all? Will you do ANYTHING differently than you SHOULD do if you are unsure if she is interested? No, you won't. So the entire "is she into me" analysis AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME (it's proper in certain contexts) is akin to mental masturbation.
It's similar to what I do with my transfer applications to law school. I shot my application off, completed it and did my best. What purpose does sitting here crunch numbers deciding what my odds of getting in are serve? None. It will change nothing about my approach. It may serve to make me feel more comfortable, but it's much more important to
learn to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation, rather than try to make every uncomfortable situation feel comfortable. Does that make sense? This is a skill which will serve you in every facet of life, not just girls.
Your struggles are normal and human. Men do not process emotions as well as women, so when we feel them we tend to panic. What is the response of men to emotional confusion or distress? We try to logically reason it all away. That's what men do: we use logic and make calculations and try to solve our problems that way. This is generally a very useful tool, but in this context you can overuse it and end up hurting yourself. Can emotions be treated with logical deduction? Sure, in some situations. Can overuse of logic or confusion of emotion with logic cause damage? Yes. And that's what is happening right now.
So to sum it up in the most ironic way I can conceive of right now: you need to look at the overall EV of your analysis and thought, well, logically. Assuming the end result of your analysis will give you an answer you can be confident in (and it won't), will your deductions or solutions or conclusions change anything about your pattern of behavior? At this point, yes. Should they? Absolutely not.
You need to learn to shape your behavior to an optimal level in the face of uncertainty, rather than futilely try to solve the uncertainty itself. This is much easier said than done, but in a situation like this it can be accomplished with a few different steps:
-Distract and exercise your mind with other activities
-Open up other scenarios to concentrate on and be concerned with
-Focus on building your own self-esteem and confidence by achieving success related to you and not outside factors
-Determine a plan of action, form it (with our help if you'd like), then forget about it until it is time to execute
-DO NOT DWELL
Analysis is important, but over-analysis will kill you, and that's an issue I am very concerned about with a few people in the thread. I fell into this trap myself the last couple weeks, and it cost me. Why do I over-analyze? Because the only other thing I do with my life during the week is read law books, attend law classes and sit at a computer studying law all day. My mind gets bored and needs something different, so I turn to this thread or analyzing the other unknowns in my life (which are most often women).
To conquer this I've taken up reading non-law materials more often, watching a few new TV shows, attending every concert I can find on campus and in the city and exploring new areas of the city with groups of friends I don't usually hang out with.
I have no idea where this massive post came from. I guess this has all been swirling in my head. I'm not going to proofread it, so I hope it makes sense.