Hey guys!

I want to start off by saying that I'm not sure it's the right place to post.

Here's my story :

I was with a girl for 4 years. An incredible girl, a very good and beautiful girl. The kind of girl you would dream to marry. She was so adorable and would always be there for me, too much in fact. I think this is a big part of the relation problem. She was emotionnally dependant. I would see her 7/7, we would always sleep with eachother etc. I think i got burnt being too much with her. I worked a lot on myself since the breakup (8months ago). Back then I would always complain because I felt lost, always sad, didn't feel like doing anything really and I couldn't project myself in the future. Now I have a lot of energy, studies are going well, I have a bright future ahead. Back then I would often question my love for her... but I know really think it's the fact that she was way too much around me. (The ppl i speak to ab this tell me I should have told her not to come over everyday... but I guess it's pretty hard once you've been with a person for lets say 2-3 years and it's always been like this, it would feel rude). Anyways, the last year I was with her I got back into poker, took a semester off, would reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllyyyyy neglect her. I was not living a healthy life. Always waeringpyjamas in my room which was packed with clothes laying on the floor, etc. She would come back from school and I wouldn't even go downstairs to have diner with her. Well, I was not feeling good. Poker and the way I behaved really affected the relationship, because well, I became a larva. Didn't take care of myself but was complaining a lot. Also I would tell her I want to play fulltime poker and was not into studies anymore really (and I am at the uni in very good studies).

When the relationship ended, she said she didn't love me anymore. That's its been couple of months since she was thinking ab it. She eventually told me that she didn't feel secure with all the poker thing, that I became a larva, that I was selfish, that i wouldnt take care of her... She said she really felt stuck at the end and that the end of the relationship really had her feel relieved.

8 months passed, I took care of myself, lost the weight I had taken (from grinding, eating too much and sitting on a chair), I now have excellent grades at school, I started Internships, will be done with school soon... life going very well in general (I enjoy life much more now that I have structured my life).

But now, I still think about her, everyday, many times a day... I still love her... I now know I really love her... in fact I think she was the girl for me... I let the relation rot... I let myself out of care... and now regret everything... Understand me, I would marry this girl. I'm not the type to move from a girl to another and I think she was for me.

Now... I need your help...

I didnt talk much to her in the last 8 months (i think you can count the times on 1 hand (max 2 hands)), and she NEVER came to talk to me. It was always me reaching her first. I have no idea what's going on with her emotional life... it's been 7 months since I didn't look at her facebook.

I would like to know if you guys think it would be possible for me to have her fall in love for me again ? She really is the type of girl I could have had for my entire life, I deserve what happened for how I treated her... she deserved better, but I didnt feel well and now I do, and I love her, and would love to share that love and that hapiness with her.

So, your thoughts ? And any suggestions on how to act ?

Since the breakup she once told me she thought we would get married (and so did I)

*** Sorry for the post being unstructured

Props on changing your life around, but I noticed you never mentioned anything about chasing new girls. If you haven't even attempted to go on a date with a new girl of course your mind is going to be occupied with the ex and thinking about how great things were etc... It's pretty unhealthy, what you had with her will never be the same again.

I'd advise that you really try going out on a few dates with a new girl or chasing new girls and then see where your mind is at after that.

Hey ! Thanks a bunch for the reply.

I actually dated a girl for a month and a half, she was the opposite of my ex, which I found interesting but was also intimidating. Anyways, that girl had been single for years and she told me she's really difficult and feels stuck in a realationship blablabla and that's how it ended with her. I' glad she told me she thought i was an extremely kind person, which strenghtened my belief that I have changed.

About that little ''relationship'' we had, think I wanted that ''relationship'' with this last girlo more than I actually felt it, if you get me. There were a lot of things bugging me and I was thinking ab my ex also, but I said to myself why not give it a try. Ended up she pulled that weird move, but eh !

I'm pretty difficult with girls, as I have a couple of some criterias (at least I know what I want, Oh yes I finally know!) But also I have a pretty conservative view of relationships. I do believe in life long love and I'm not too much into dating girls over and over. Also I guess most girls that see life as I do are already in relationships (note that I didn't say every, but most).

So yeah, I tried dating a girl. I know girls that'd like to date me, really thats not a problem but they don't hold the values I cherish.

Just talk to her about how you're feeling but be prepared for her being involved with someone else. Don't keep bugging her if she says no or whatever. If you don't try you'll likely regret it and worst case you get some closure that may hurt for a while but it will be best in the long run to not be wondering.

People get back together all the time so it certainly isn't impossible. It's just that if she's as much of a catch as you say then odds are she's dating someone.

Yeah she is definetly a SICK catch, I can't think of any women that reaches her rank, really. And she has such a pure soul. I've talked to her in the past about how I felt etc (first 2 months of the break up I think) and she really was over it. I mean she was sooooo in love with me before that really it was obvious she was over it. I wonder if any of you ever got into a similar situation ? I think I'm looking for tricks on how to approach her.

I was thinking ab inviting her for a casual diner where we would have a general talk, and then sending her a handwritten letter with all my thoughts and feelings. How does this sound ?

By the way, I'm 22 and shes 21 if that helps.

PM goofyballer for advice on sending heartfelt letters.

Seriously though, don't do that. Reinitiate contact and show that you got your **** together. See if she's open to at least seeing you again. If not, it's time to move on and chasing her and pouring your feelings out will do more harm than good.

A letter sounds terrible.

I like what mullen said about basically showing her how much you've improved yourself rather than approaching her out of the blue and pouring your heart out, especially in a letter.

Does she work somewhere that you could drop by without it being obvious you're there to see her? Or a coffee shop she frequents?

Also, you're clearly head over heels for her based on your description of her being way better than every other girl on the planet. She may be great but try to remind yourself that isn't true, because it isn't.

I've been in love twice before. After the first one I never thought I'd find someone I would feel that way about again. Well the second girl I fell in love with knocked me right on my ass and I can honestly say I loved her more than the first one. (or at least as much, once you reach "love" there isn't much that can top it lol)

Now I've been single for several years save for some short relationships and casual dating or fwb situations and I'm doing great. Maybe I'll fall on love again, maybe I won't. But I'm thankful for those two girls coming into my life and also thankful I had to go through some painful breakups because they definitely made me stronger. (As cliche as that sounds haha)

If you give enough effort, the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that you'll eventually find someone else you'll care about as much as this girl. It may not seem possible at the moment but I promise you it's true.

Again guys, thanks so much for the time you spend on helping me out. It is really appreciated.

Well she's got a part job (while at school) in her field now... so no way I can reach her there. She might go study at a library she used to go to, but I'm not even sure she lives around there anymore. But that would not be an awkward spot for me to see cross her.

I understand why you're telling me i'm still too much into it. But this girl was super smart (top scores at uni in very hard program), very beautiful (a head turner), she'd bring me surprises at work and stuff like that all the time, she'd basically do everything for me, and would never be angry... even if I was being whack sometimes she'd never start yelling at me or anything of the kind. Maybe she was too soft for me... idk... but thing is I never met such a pure and innocent soul. And that is very important for me. I questionned myself about my love a lot when in couple with her, but I think that was related to the fact she'd always run to me, and the only experience I had before her, was a girl I was always running at and could never get.

I'm confused why you're still trying to convince us that she's a one in a million type girl. No offense, but those do not exist. There are millions of girls who are just as nice and sweet and pretty, etc as your ex. You just haven't met them yet.

Hope that doesn't sound rude but there's no need for us to keep repeating ourselves

Here's my advice bro, like someone else stated earlier, the best thing to do is let her see how much you have changed, don't be pushy, but make contact, see if she's open to talking and starting small, you will right away know if she's still interested or not and if she's not then sorry to say, your gonna have to move on.

I sort of went thru same situation but difference is these past 10 months, we still have stayed in contact, I worked on myself for a couple months, gym, financial stuff, got my act together and she came back around, we still aren't living back together but we are still working on it and are shooting for Jan 1st which means it will have taken me a whole year so it can happen but you can't force a person to love you, you can show her you have changed, relay your interest in her still and see how she responds. Other than that, nothing else you can do but move on.

Good luck bro.

I messeged her 2 weeks ago to get some news. She replied pretty quickly (we exchanged text messages over the cellphone). She didn't really get out of the frame of the questions I was asking (beside asking and you?) and saying one or too comments about my answers. It ended in me telling her that I'm happy to have news from her and I wished her a good weekend. She Replied : Have a good weekend !

Not too sure how to interpret that, it was pretty ''straight foward''. Do you think it's normal ? Do you think I should conclude something from that ?

Also do you think it's a good thing I kept her on facebook ? I mean, I guess it's pretty easy for her to see whatsup with me anytime she wants (have no idea if she does it).



Thanks macktyson for your testimonial, I'm glad things were fixed in your case ! Well done !

Yea seems pretty straight forward but your gonna have to take it to next level, let her know your interest, maybe over coffee, face to face is better but keep in low key, don't be dramatic about it, once you plant that seed, sit back and relax, see how she responds, like another poster mentioned, don't ever beg, chase or be dramatic, it will push her away guaranteed, just say what's on your mind and go from there.

Yea thanks, I'm still working on out relationship so we aren't all the way back but it's lookin good, we moved in way to quick, now we know each other so much better.

Listen to mullen. Ask her if she wants to catch up over a drink. And do exactly that, don't tell her how you feel, just go (if she wants to meet) and have a good time. If things evolve naturally from there, good, if not let it go. Obviously letting it go isn't easy (I've been there) but forcing it and telling her how you feel and sh*t will make it worse. No better way to get over someone than to improve yourself, keep an active social life, dating, etc.

From what you're saying, it sounds like she's moved on and isn't that interested. Sorry bro.

Also, you have her on a massive pedestal at the moment. That doesn't help anyone and it's unsustainable. Also, it kind of subjugates you in her eyes.

Good luck, I hope all is not lost for you.

X2

Ight doe

Didn't read, but you are 22, so it's probably best to move on. There are plenty of girls out there. Basically what Mullen said.

Based on the fact that she didn't think you were good enough for her at the end of the relationship and you have made a lot of positive improvements, I would say it is extremely likely that you are too good for this girl. Find someone else who's better for you. Seriously, have some self respect--you are better than her now.

Hey man, was in a similar spot and felt recently about the same thing about my ex almost exactly. Don't worry about it too much, the best thing you can do is work on yourself, and find a girl that helps you get over the previous one by finding a girl with different motives. What you need is someone who gives you space and allows you to do what you want, hang out with her 2,3 days a week. That's what helped me. If you want to talk about it any further shoot me a pm.

Goodluck with everything we've all been there!

Didn't read all the replies, but don't profess your love to her. I wouldn't go creep on her somewhere either.

just send her a message: hey xxxx how are you? it's been a long time. wanna grab a coffee sometime?

Some really bad advice ITT.

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