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Post your favorite one-liners/aphorisms/witticisms/short jokes/etc Post your favorite one-liners/aphorisms/witticisms/short jokes/etc

06-17-2011 , 02:36 PM
Don't piss on my back and tell me it's raining
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06-17-2011 , 02:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BruceZ
Oops, wrong thread.
It's still a good saying.
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06-17-2011 , 03:05 PM
Eschew Obfuscation. I like my jokes to be succinct.
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06-18-2011 , 11:05 PM
99 cents!? you could wash a shirt for cheaper than that!
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06-19-2011 , 10:36 AM
if i wanted to listen to an ass i'd fart
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06-19-2011 , 10:44 AM
im in the bathroom with a tommy gun droppin gangster ****

-celph titled
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06-20-2011 , 05:11 AM
There are only two things I hate in this world; People who are unaccepting of other people's cultures... and the dutch. - Nigel Powers

I was a proffessional twice over; An analyst, and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. - Tobias Funke

I'd rather be rich than stupid. - Jack Handy
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06-21-2011 , 01:12 AM
I used to be really confused by the line "He puts his pants on one leg at a time like everyone else" because when I was kid, I didn't.


I'd sit on the edge of my bed, put both legs partways into the pants legs, then jump out of bed and into the pants. Hearing people say that phrase was one of the first things letting me know I wasn't like everyone else.
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06-21-2011 , 09:14 AM
A spark of truth can burn down a mountain of lies - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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06-21-2011 , 07:39 PM
We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.

- Richard Dawkins
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06-21-2011 , 07:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.o0
A spark of truth can burn down a mountain of lies - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
unfortunately the reverse of this seems more true these days.
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06-21-2011 , 08:20 PM
pics or gtfo

/stats
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06-21-2011 , 09:38 PM
That's what she said.
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06-23-2011 , 01:28 PM
I hate cocaine, but I love the smell of it.--CC DeVille (iirc)
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06-23-2011 , 09:43 PM
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
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06-23-2011 , 11:18 PM
I just realized that the line "I'll bet you dollars to donuts" was coined when a dollar was worth a lot more than a donut. Now it makes no sense.
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06-24-2011 , 04:24 PM
"Truth is in the mind of the teller, History is in ones freedom with integrity." (?)
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06-25-2011 , 01:32 PM
It isn't the size of the boat, it is the motion of the ocean.....but it takes a long time to get to England in a row boat!!
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06-26-2011 , 11:54 PM
"one time"
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06-27-2011 , 12:40 AM
no yogi-isms ITT. I am disappoint.
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06-27-2011 , 04:03 PM
pics or it never happened
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07-20-2011 , 01:07 AM
when a man asks a woman to dinner, he wants to eat something. - gene simmons
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07-20-2011 , 11:36 AM
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face - Mike Tyson.
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07-20-2011 , 11:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonny El
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face - Mike Tyson.
heh, this is also a favorite of mine.
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07-20-2011 , 11:41 AM
"If I was Noah I'd have been saying 'Wait a minute, I've just seen one that looked like that. Let it drown.'"

"I've no idea why sex shops open so early. Who needs butt plugs at half nine in the morning?"

"People who live in a glass house, have to answer the door."

"Jellyfish are like 97% water, and they do nothing. Just give them another 3% and make them water."


(all Karl Pilkington)
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