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05-16-2011 , 03:04 PM

#101

DC11GTR

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 15,007

"Hardy f*cking har"

"I understand. You're hot, you're super f*cking pissed"

Quote

05-16-2011 , 03:14 PM

#102

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

william S burroughs... Cronenbergs - Naked Lunch

‘Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his a$$h*le to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose?

Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival, you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called The Better ‘Ole that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like:

‘Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?’

‘Nah I had to go relieve myself.’

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the a$$h*le would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights.

It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags. Nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth.

Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the a$$h*le said to him:

‘It’s you who will shut up in the end not me. Because we don’t need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and Shyte.’

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call UDT — un-differentiated tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body.

He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell.

So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes, you dig?

That’s one thing the a$$h*le couldn’t do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off.

For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk.’

Quote

05-16-2011 , 03:44 PM

#103

8spokedB

enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 77

Yippee ki-yay Motherf*cker!

Quote

05-16-2011 , 03:50 PM

#104

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

mein fuhrer!... I can walk!

Quote

05-16-2011 , 03:53 PM

#105

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

Singing in the rain... just singing in the rain... what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again.
A clockwork orange

Quote

05-16-2011 , 03:57 PM

#106

derosnec

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 14,294

a lot of the Wall Street ones and Dumb and Dumber ones.

Wall Street:

Lunch is for wimps

What am I Marvin the Mindreader? (I actually say that one in real life a lot)

The main thing about money, Bud, is that it makes you do things you don't want to do.

I don't throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things.

It's all about bucks, kid. The rest is conversation.

Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel.

There's no nobility in poverty.

That's the one thing you have to remember about WASPs: they love animals and hate people.

Dumber and Dumber: i won't list them since there is like a gazillion of them

Quote

05-16-2011 , 04:01 PM

#107

Quavers

grinder

Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 402

Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

Quote

05-16-2011 , 05:37 PM

#108

Egg Beater

newbie

Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 23

"If it bleeds, we can kill it!"

Quote

05-16-2011 , 05:37 PM

#109

Borgia

journeyman

Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 232

There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me.

Quote

05-16-2011 , 05:58 PM

#110

Egg Beater

newbie

Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 23

"Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face!" is another favourite!

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05-16-2011 , 05:59 PM

#111

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

there's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no place like home...

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05-16-2011 , 06:05 PM

#112

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

The rear windows lit up with a touch like frogs in a dynamite pond

Quote

05-17-2011 , 05:57 PM

#113

mharder4

grinder

Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 445

I don't dodge guilt, and i don't jew out of paying my comeuppance. But that woman deserves her revenge.....and we deserve to die.

Quote

05-18-2011 , 02:43 AM

#114

happymondays

enthusiast

Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 60

You really are a funny guy!!

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05-18-2011 , 06:50 PM

#115

diebitter

Grotesquely Handsome

Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 66,451

I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of bein' a nobody. But most of all,... I'm sick and tired of havin' nobody.

Quote

05-18-2011 , 07:03 PM

#116

mikekelley13

adept

Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,088

"Where the beer flows like wine."

Quote

05-18-2011 , 08:26 PM

#117

BustoRhymes

Grand Elf

Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 26,670

Quote:

"I eat pieces of **** like you for breakfast."

"... you eat **** for breakfast?"

and

Quote:

"What I need from you is money. I need $15k."

"$15k? I need a blowjob from Christy Turlington."

Quote

05-19-2011 , 01:01 AM

#118

borderline

banned

Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 4,356

Quote:

Originally Posted by cardsman

If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life......

Here's looking at you, kid...

Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine...

Could make a thread out of quotes from that movie alone.

Best movie ever.

Quote

05-19-2011 , 09:56 AM

#119

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

Daisy... Daisy.... Give me your answer do....

Best movie eva

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05-19-2011 , 12:39 PM

#120

BigPoppa

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 22,216

I'm shocked, shocked to find gambling is going on in here.
Here are your winnings, sir.
Thank you.

Quote

05-19-2011 , 02:41 PM

#121

Number7

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 6,145

60 percent of the time it works every time.

SHOW ME THE MONEY.

Quote

05-19-2011 , 02:43 PM

#122

MSchu18

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 19,923

"Just this... How do you Sleep on your Stomach with such big buttons?"

Quote

05-19-2011 , 11:38 PM

#123

pokerja3

journeyman

Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 225

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on"
- Blow

"Say hello to my liiiil friend"
- Scarface