Wouldn't it have been standard to pay for the meals, and they buy their own alcohol beyond whatever basic drink (if any) would be provided. But tell them that the day or two before the party?

tl;dr

don't **** with people's local customs and then call them dumb

Reading the Lounge the last few days is changing me. I'm becoming a punctuation nit.

peoples' local customs!

One of us, one of us.

One of us, one of us.

One of us, one of us.

As a young ignorant dude, I can see where this would get mixed up. If I invited coworkers at school our for drinks to celebrate my bday, most would assume I'm not footing the bill. In a new culture, I wouldn't know what to think when this happens.

It was said best though that it's worth 2.66/person to live okay again.

I'd put on my best aww shucks and apologize like I'd been a true ass, even if I realized it was ignorance and naivity.

The meal was only $80. This is pretty embarrassing that you can't afford to pay that. Maybe you should move to a place where you actually get a fair salary.

And after reading that you are just there for fun, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to pay for this.


Although, if people were going out for drinks for someone's b-day, everyone is paying for their own bill unless the b-day boy/girl is a baller.

ex·ot·ic

–adjective

1. of foreign origin or character; not native; introduced from abroad, but not fully naturalized or acclimatized: exotic foods; exotic plants.

2. strikingly unusual or strange in effect or appearance: an exotic hairstyle.

3. of a uniquely new or experimental nature: exotic weapons.

4. of, pertaining to, or involving stripteasing: the exotic clubs where strippers are featured.

Such a letdown. Anyways don't pay them back. Invite them all to another party and see who shows up. Pay for everyone that shows up to the second party. party party

OP said it was 1 week's pay. That ain't cheap.

Especially when they laugh at 1 week's pay as if it were pocket change.

As usual, Stuey packs 10 pounds of win in a five pound bag.

Yes you are too much of a dick if you want to make them confront you. You are also a dick if you 'waltz' in throwing bills around. Why can't you hand them the bills and explain you didn't understand? Pretty simple.
I think you are not genuinely sorry you didn't understand the custom and should pay. I mean what is with that whole "Yes, I tried to swindle you and got caught. Sorry I'm a terrible person." I really don't know if you are being sarcastic or why you think throwing around bills admits this.
I kind of understand as I never sincerely apologized for anything until I was 25 years old.

its a fact that people in some countries will try to take advantage of "white people". stating that fact is not racist at all imo. if you go to turkey in a museum you have to pay more if you are a tourist e.g. and museums there are state operated.
however: i also dont think thats the case here. you should pay all bills, best would be to apologize also imo becuase the people probably really expected to be fully invited. perhaps its a language problem.
if you say "i invite you to a dinner" i wouldnt translate that into "you can join me to dinner if you like"- nah, i would expect you to pay the bills (but i am not a native speaker).
if you plan to do something like this again, state beforehand that costs get divided.

OK, update (sorry for the lag but I only get periodic net access.) The plot thickens...kinda...

So, I came in on Monday and talked to four teachers 1-on-1. I very apologetically told them it was all a misunderstanding and offered to pay them back, and emphasized that we are all friends and mature adults, and should be able to openly state our problems with each other.

Each one of them refused to accept my money. Each of them claimed, in almost the exact same language, "Oh, I was never mad at you. It was just everyone else. Don't worry about it, buddy!" The only person who would take my money was the old Indian guy, until he admitted that he had not actually paid anything that night. He also repeated several times--and I have no idea what this means--that nobody was ever 'angry,' they were just 'upset.'

On a more interesting front, the night before my dinner I left my phone in my best Bhutanese friend's car. (He's also a teacher at my school.) The next day (Wednesday) he claimed not to have it.

My roommate has been hooking up with an American girl who we are both friends with. Bhutanese guy called her 20+ times on Wednesday from his phone...and then half an hour after his last call, she got three calls from OUR phone. She even showed us the call records, being, justifiably, really creeped out. (He has a serious girlfriend, by the way, but fidelity is not a big thing here.) He claims he called her once, while drunk, and that, coincidentally, he found our phone while cleaning his car yesterday. He came over to return it...but the f***** SIM card was gone, which has all our numbers from the last seven months, many of which are really important and cannot be gotten back. He says his friend was at his house and needed to borrow a phone for an emergency call...but he had a SIM card...so he took ours out of the phone, put his in, made a call, and in some stage lost our SIM card. This story makes absolutely zero sense. This is the same guy who owes me a month's salary.

WTF PASSIVE AGGRESSION @(*$_*#&$_&$

I think you are stretching the definition of passive aggressive or simply overusing the phrase. This "friend" is a dick and he is taking advantage of you. You are a sucker. Stop being a sucker, and fewer dicks will take advantage of you.

i'd press them a little bit on their custom. are you seriously telling me i can't invite you to do anything(grab a cup of coffee even) without being OBLIGATED to pay? so you're telling me every group i see at any establishment is being covered by a single person in that group--who happened to be the one who suggested the idea? mind if i do a little investigating?? just for ****s and giggles, whole country is already pissed at you anyway.

in light of the phone stuff---ya, i think there's a bit of 'screw whitey' thing going on.

This is not uncommon with Vietnamese and Chinese at least. You don't worry about splitting the check because one guy covers it all, and it's someone else's treat next time. If you are from out of town, especially, you may never pay a bill. But if the same guy comes to visit your town, you'd be a dick if you made him pay for any meals or nights out.

Agreed. beatngreet, you sound like a sucker for this dude. He must be good in bed.

Haha, I have pressed them a LITTLE bit. Last night I went out to dinner with a teacher friend who asked if I wanted to go out, and when the bill came, I said "Well you invited me. You're paying, right?" He looked quizzical. And then I payed for his dinner to make up for last week.

Also, it's only in the last week that my good friend has made a 180-degree turn into a total douche. For the first 4-5 months we were very close, and he has helped me in many invaluable ways, and until recently I would have described him as the most giving, kind, hospitable person I'd ever met. I actually thought of making a thread about the circumstances around me lending him all that money. It's a really interesting story involving a pregnant married woman and a 90-year-old judge.

You probably should. For all your adventures, I feel like you're telling us only 1/20th of them.

While this obviously isn't how we do it, are you unable to see how this can be a coherent system?

It's a great system really. If people don't reciprocate by inviting you places you can stop inviting them. Or if you want since you are magically rich you can have your pick of dinner partners for just $3 each.

my ex gf was from greece and she told me over there when you go out for your birthday you pay for everyone else. it's not so unheard of i guess.

This is not a healthy view of the world. Yes, you must be aware that some people are, in fact, believe all the stereotypes about Whites, Blacks, Asians, etc., and you should understand that these people will treat you as such, not neccessarily out of hate, but out of plain ignorance.

Hell, even here in America, I always get called into question about this or that because I am a White Guy and I ought to have a really easy life. Bull****.

I would think with your past, you would have seen these perspectives, and would be far more cognizant of these attitudes than you are currently demonstrating.

Not when you are earning $2.66/hour.


This is an interesting story, and I have to agree with Blarg here. Even in America, I may not know what to do in this situation. Sure, if I have guests at my house, it is always "the fridge is open..." but in a restaurant. I would have to figure that people are going to do whatever is natural to them if I don't specify.

you could always angleshoot it. so where are we going for dinner? how about we go to XXXXX? sounds great thanks for the invite!!(and free meal)bwahahaha

I could be wrong on this, but isnt a stereotpye of eastern cultures that they hate confrontation? Could explain the 'passive agressiveness' you seem to find so troubling.

it's the same in india.

Alright, well, I guess it's kind of settled.

We had a staff volleyball game (teachers vs. Royal Bodyguards + Bengali laborers, as usual) and went out for drinks afterward. My roomie and I, as is our wont, chugged a small glass of beer. 20 Indian and Bhutanese people laughed uproariously and asked us to do it again. We did. Then we challenged our Bhutanese friends to a chug. Then the Indian laborers, in Hindi, told the bartenders we were both getting double shots of whiskey and chugging them. We were already drunk at this point, but the head laborer said, in broken English, "Sir, we are judging your manhood."

So we get sloppy-ass drunk. We pay for as many beers as we have money for. I drunkenly tell the other young teachers how bad I feel about the whole incident and how I want to pay them back but don't have any money right now. It's the perfect opportunity for them to judge my sincerity, since I am at least two shots and an 8% beer ahead of them. They basically conclude that they now realize that I feel genuinely bad about the whole situation, that I wasn't trying to angleshoot anyone, and that I'm not a privileged honky like all the other ones in Thimphu. I agree to host a party once I get my next paycheck, and we're all cool, which is exactly the outcome I was hoping for.

It's also been overshadowed by a new teacher who claims that his first paycheck was stolen and demanded that other teachers chip in to cover it.

Yes, I've been promising a Bhutan thread forever, and you'll get it one day. You can always PM me for my blog URL.