If you've ever been through a 2+2 forum, you've probably read a post by Blarg. He's got a bunch of'em. It's even rumored that he from time to time posts under a gimmick in the German forum. You've probably heard him mention a personal detail from time to time and thought, yeah, here's a guy I know something about. After 50k posts, you'd think you'd know something.

But how much of what he has said is true? And what else do we know about this man of mystery that he has not ever admitted to?

In this thread we will disseminate fact from fiction, hopefully ending up with more of the latter and ignoring anyone with the gall to post any of the former.

If our brother Kioshk is to be believed, you participate in this thread at your own risk.

Blarg has word powers far beyond mortal men. Beware!

Blarg is rumored to have made his fortune by introducing Spam to the islands of the South Pacific. He's still worshiped as a god there, although he now advises the natives to eat healthy and exercise more.

He is rumored to always look up the word "egregious," but only because it is his go-to excuse to open a dictionary, not because he doesn't know what the word means.

Blarg taught Louis-Ferdinand Celine French and Italo Calvino Italian.

Blarg taught Marlon Brando how to mumble.

YESSSSSSSSS

Chuck Norris sends Blarg a check every week so he can continue to borrow the rights to all of those jokes.

i heard he once successfully ate a gallon of jello with a fork

That is clearly false. If not, that is incredible.

It is said that in 1958 when visiting friends in Surrey, Blarg bought a young lad a Hoyer guitar for his 13th birthday. Young Eric practiced hard and became famous.

Blarg, while in Paris at Gertrude Stein's salon, advised a young Spaniard to paint women as if they were deformed. "Put those eyes anywhere you want," he said.

I heard Webster's calls Blarg when it needs to check the spelling of a word

I heard Blarg is a traitor and is the leader of the rebel alliance.

true, false or duh?

It is my understanding that Blarg was the inspiration for Melquiades, the transcendent figure representing the historical relationship of all things to one another in the novel One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and the wealth of knowledge that can be garnered by the realization of this relationship.

Or was it Jake LaMotta?

When Blarg isn't surfing Hawaii's Banzai Pipeline, he's riding giant sandworms on the planet of Arrakis. Blarg controls the spice.

Pathetic earthlings.

HE is the only reason I haven't already crushed your puny planet into atoms.

He's the darkness in the light
He's the leftness in the right
He's the rightness in the wrong
He's the shortness in the long
He's the goodness in the bad
He's the saneness in the mad
He's the sadness in the joy
He's the gin in the gin-soaked boy

He's the ghost in the machine
He's the genius in the gene
He's the beauty in the beast
He's the sunset in the east
He's the ruby in the dust
He's the trust in the mistrust
He's the Trojan horse in Troy
He's the gin in the gin-soaked boy

He's the tiger's empty cage
He's the mystery's final page
He's the stranger's lonely glance
He's the hero's only chance
He's the undiscovered land
He's the single grain of sand
He's the Christmas morning toy
He's the gin in the gin-soaked boy

He's the world you'll never see
He's the slave you'll never free
He's the truth you'll never know
He's the place you'll never go
He's the sound you'll never hear
He's the course you'll never steer
He's the will you'll not destroy
He's the gin in the gin-soaked boy

He's the half-truth in the lie
He's the why not in the why
He's the last roll of the die
He's the old school in the tie
He's the spirit in the sky
He's the catcher in the rye
He's the twinkle in her eye
He's the Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly"

So who's this guy?

he is the lesser known child of Bruce Lee and Johnny Cash (Winston Churchill and Tom Clancy were the ones hogging the spotlight)

Einstein is said to have modeled his famous equation after one of Blarg's afterthoughts.

El Diablo lurks every Blarg thread.

Heh +2

Agatha Christie originally envisioned Poirot as being French, but Blarg convinced her to make him Belgian.

Blarg's tears are the only known cure for teh herp. Fortunately, he never, ever cries.

I heard he lives in a pineapple under the sea....absorbant and yellow and porous is he.

"Listen Spielberg, I know I knocked the scimitar out of his hand with my bullwhip, but I think using his gun is more cinematic."