Pretty depressing read. You'd think after all the things that happend to you it would encourage you to get out and get a career or something but that depression is wild I guess. Anyways glhf.

sounds like the end result of an emo kid taking steroids

When I moved in with my brother I was hoping to start a career working for a telephone company. Not the best thing, but better than what I was doing - working at 711 graveyard. When I got fired, my sickness made things worse, and when my brother passed away I was on a downward spiral I couldn't recover from.

I had a choice to be homeless again or ask family for help. I'm not sure why I chose to ask for help since I didn't like ever asking anyone for help (I never begged for money on the street). I'm slowly making progress in the right direction. Not as fast as I hoped, but I'm in the process of changing things, so that's good enough for me.

Until I can get back on my feet, I'm doing what I can to help out my mother, who is dying of cancer. Driving her to doctors appoints, sometimes daily, taking care of her animals, cleaning up a bit, basically trying to be a good kid for once.

As someone who's dealt (dealing is more accurate) with extreme insomnia and depression, I know that a pat on the back and a "things will get better" isn't going to make much impact.

But you've been trying to run a marathon with a broken leg.

I'll give you my insight into medication. I was on one drug that turned me into a zombie, so I stopped taking it. I was on another that gave me really bad stomach aches, so I stopped that. I'm currently on one that by no means fixes everything, but all I can say is after trying courses of different types, I'm a hell of a lot better on it than without it.

And I say that from having done the typical take it till you think you're on the right track, stop it, collapse, go back to step one again.

So yeah, the meds can suck. And I had a big psychological block with the idea of being dependent on anything. But when you find one that suits you, there are very few (if any) side effects once it gets in your system properly, and it does help significantly (though again, I didn't recognise this well enough until I stopped taking it).

This isn't stuff I really like to share, because everyone has their pride and depressives tend to have a lot more of it than they even realise. But you seem like a worthy case that I thought I'd offer some insight, if it helps at all.

Edit: The hardest part about talking to a doctor is getting past your front door. You'll be surprised by how they treat you. In the medical world today you have a recognised illness and there are options they have to offer you. And that's what they'll do. No patronising, no look of "what the hell are you in here for?". They'll give you real medical advice.

@blade - I agree. My biggest obstacle regarding seeing a doctor is I don't want to be labeled officially. Getting any type of insurance will be harder, I'd imagine finding a job might be harder cuz people don't want to hire looneys.

Shouldnt you ...i dunno be shouting at a rock or something??

Good read, and Good Luck in the future.

Glad to hear your life is getting better now. I wish you good luck and hope you find a job. I've had my share of real life bad beats too and I know the process of getting back on your feet from the bottom - it's not easy but it's doable if you trust yourself!

been here bro. I was homeless for months living at walmart in the sheds outside. everyday i would go in and steal a fresh pair of clothes, a donut, beef jerky, other delicious (now free) foods.. and the backpack i had stolen from their was full of things like blanket, deodorant, toothbrush/paste, etc.

while the promotion was running at gamestop, i would put games from walmart into my backpack and take the trolley to gamestop and sell them for cash. they always wondered why i had about 9-10 games brand new to sell to them every day.

oh, and tell me how you make 10-30 a day online please!

The site is called Amazon mTurk. It's from amazon, so you can buy stuff directly from them with the money you make or have it sent to your bank account. If you are over seas your only option is to buy stuff unfortunately.

The site is billed as having human beings do things that computers can't do. There is transcription work, writing work, labeling pictures, surveys, a whole bunch of crap.

Most work doesn't pay minimum wage, but some you can.

It's not MLM, no referrel, no scams. 100% legit from amazon. You can't sign up under anyone. As soon as your work is accepted (not rejected) you can start spending the money on amazon.com. You need $10 minimum to transfer to your bank account.

If you check it out I'll be happy to help you along figuring things out.

Family Guy is pretty damn funny imo. Who all thinks the same? What's your favorite episode?

Advil? really?

I was poor. I didn't have money. I had advil.

Family guy? Haven't seen that in years. I like the one episode where the dog talks and the baby wants to kill the mom. Forget which episode that was unfortunately.

I think that is all of them

It was really really funny. The dog was talking! and the baby...funny funny stuff.

it's call freefall for a reason

how old r u now? r u able to work?

turning 35 in a few months. I finally got my license (always took public transportation) so I just need to lose some of the weight I gained after my brothers passing. Pizza 2 days a week and boozing it up every night transformed me from walking 2-6 miles a day to not even being able to walk to the mail box.

Only jobs really out here is fast food. So, I just need to get off my butt and get in enough shape to minimumally stand 8 hours a day. Heck even 4 hours a day and work part time will be better.

I'm slowly making progress.

@evan - first time I admitted my story to anyone. Failed attempts or thoughts is something that is pretty inappropriate IMO.

hey man brave of you to put this out, gl and keep us updated

I agree, attempting suicide is inappropriate as well, though.

I have been there, myself, at least in thoughts, so for some reason, I guess I feel entitled to joke about it...kinda like Jon Stewart and jewish jokes, i suppose.

Your story sounds pretty outlandish, but definitely not out of the realm of probability. Habits can be difficult to change, but if you set your mind on improving yourself, you can certainly improve your physical and mental condition. I hope you can find joy in life, if only for fleeting instances, because gratification is certainly attainable with some effort.

Joking is fine. Details in public aren't.

My immediate goals are to lose weight to get back on my feet. I was told that being obese will make getting insurance harder. So I need to figure out how far down to get to to get life insurance and health insurance. Once I do that want to talk to a doctor about getting meds. Being labeled bipolar will make getting any insurance harder, so I don't want to be labeled just yet. And I figure if things simply get worse for me due to the illness, then I'll just get the help when I need it.

If my story sounds bizarre, there are other things I left out that I question my own sanity. But I wanted to try to keep it somewhat gambling related. Watch the 1984 movie dreamscape.

So tell me, what was it like having sex with ppg

Just like it is in your wet dreams.

don't know what ppg stands for, but I'm sure it was meant to troll because you didn't care to read the OP but you felt you should post anyways.