Why is Michael Jackson like Red Bull?

The both come in little cans.

A man walks into the Doctors.

"Doctor, my willy hurts real bad! It's all rashy with big lumps over it and it's all pussy and gross!"

The doctor replies, "Ok pull your trousers down, let's take a look"

10 minutes later the Doctor says:

"Sorry sir, I'm affraid your going to have to stop masturbating"
"What? Why?"
"Because I'm trying to examine you"

Interviewer: Stevie Wonder, it must of been hard starting a music career as a blind man, how did you cope?
Stevie Wonder: It was hard yes, but it could of been worse, I could of been black.

Three midgets were sitting around pretty bummed out beacuse they had just gotten let go from the carnival. It was their only job they ever had and they wanted to do something to be remebered by. So they sat around for awhile thinking and thinking... Finally one midget says, "I know we can be in the Guiness Book of World Records, I have the smallest feet in the whole world. The second midget gets excited and says, "Yeah, thats a great idea, I have the smallest hands in the whole world. I can be in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the smallest hands in the whole world. They look at the third miget and he finally says, "O.K., I've got the smallest dick in the whole world. I'll go ahead and go so we can all be in the Guiness Book of World Records.
So they all head off to the Guineess Book of World Records. The first midget gets called into the office. After a few minutes he comes out all excited and says, "Yippee, I've got the smallest feet out of anybody in the whole world. I'm gonna be in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the smallest feet in the whole world.
The second midget goes into the office. After a few minutes he comes out all excited and says, "Yeah, I've got the smallest hands out of everyone in the world. I'm going to be in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the smallest hands in the whole world.
The third midget goes into the office and after a few minutes comes out all dejected looking. His friends ask him whats wrong. He says.........



Who the hell is xBorntoLosex !!

Ship it!

Women are like squaring numbers.

If they're under 13, do them in your head.

Solid bump.

I know a best joke ever, but I can't translate it without making it lose its funny =(

Two catholic priests sits on a bench in a park watching the children play.
They see one of the children wander off by itself into the trees, and they
give themselves the "let's go" look. So they catch up with the boy and both
have their way, and both of them end it off by climaxing into the poor boys ***hole.

On their way back to the church they suddenly realize that they really should cover up the crime by not leaving any DNA on the boy. So they bring a straw to the unconcious boy still laying between the trees in the park and starts to suck up their semen swallowing it all down. One of the priest have been doing this quite a few minutes when he turned to the other priest and say: "You, have a go now, im exhausted". The other priest makes a foul face and say: "And use the same straw that you used? How disgusting do you think I am?"

FART

To the theme of Yankee Doodle.

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in her hat and called it

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaoni (Helen Keller voice)

<this one translate better in the telling and with gestures>


Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"
His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out."
So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass."
Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

I LOL'd

A midget psychic had been bilking women out of their life savings. The law finally caught up with him and threw him in jail, but he escaped that same night.

What did the headlines read the next day?





















Small medium at large.

Whats the difference between a bunch of smart midgets and a girls track team?










































the midgets are cunning runts

...and the winner is ?????

whats brown and sticky?



a stick

There's a train. On the train is a Canadian, an American, a super hot blond, and an ugly old woman. The train goes through a tunnel and the lights flash out. While the lights are out there's a loud *SMACK*. When the lights come back on, the American has a huge red welt on his face.

The ugly old woman thinks to herself, "I'll bet while the lights were out that American tried to feel up the blond girl and she slapped him."

The hot blond thinks to herself, "I'll bet while the lights were out that American guy tried to feel me up, but grabbed the ugly old woman by mistake, and she slapped him."

The American thinks to himself, "I'll bet while the lights were out that Canadian guy tried to feel up that blond and she slapped me, thinking I was him."

The Canadian thinks to himself, "I sure hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap that stupid American again!"

nice..

bo burnham imo......

What do you get when you turn 3 vagina plants around........










.................














............











A third World Country

I dont get it.

What's the difference between regular sex and anal sex?




Regular sex makes your day, but anal sex makes you hole weak.

VERY LONG, WORTH THE READ 100%

A very rich man had a son. He was very proud of his son. The son was smart and diligent and did well in school.

On the son's 16th birthday, the father went to his son and said "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your 16th birthday."

The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 1,000 green golf balls.

The father was taken aback. "But son, that's such a strange request! Might I remind you that I'm VERY rich, and I could buy you ANYTHING your heart desires?!"

But the son was adamant, and his father, though confused, honored his son's request.

Some years later the son graduated from college at the top of his class. His father, once again beaming with pride, came to his son.

"Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your college graduation."

The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 2,000 green golf balls.

The father once again was confused, and a bit angry.

"Son, that's a ridiculous request! I'm offering to buy you ANYTHING you want! I'm a very rich man, and almost NOTHING is beyond my requisition! So please, reconsider, and tell me what you REALLY want!"

But the son was adamant, and his father, though bewildered and frustrated, honored his son's request.

Years later, the son, following in his father's footsteps, was a very successful businessman. He'd married a beautiful wife and borne his father many wonderful grandchildren.

One night as they ate dinner in an expensive restaurant, his father said to his son, "son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you in honor of your fantastic success and wonderful family."

Once again without blinking his son asked for 3,000 green golf balls.

Enraged, his father slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "WHY MUST YOU MOCK MY GENEROSITY SO?! FINE; YOU'LL HAVE YOUR STUPID GOLF BALLS, BUT YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF A FATHER!"

And so the trade was made; the son's strange request for the animosity of his once-doting father.

Several years later, the father and the son not having spoken once since, the father got a call from a hospital informing him that his son had gotten into a terrible car accident and was dying. Forgetting all about his grudge against his son, the father flew down to his son's side in a flash. His son was conscious for the first time in days as his father arrived.

"Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I'm so sorry for disowning you! I know I never should have! I'm so sorry for the years we've lost! But I must know, son, why did you want all those green golfballs; those wretched orbs that drove us apart?! Surely you had a grand design for them; you're the perfect son and I could not have asked for anything more in the world than you!"

His son, on death's door, looked into his father's eyes and said weakly, "well, father, I-"

And then he died.

wat

ban

[x] worth the read 100%