I have recently found out about an ever expanding plot against me. For some reason, the local deer population has declared me their mortal enemy, and I have been under heavy attack as a result. These deer will stop at nothing to try to kill me. This is war of life and death.

Last week, after playing pool with my friend, while taking him home I was driving on this one road near his house and going about 30 miles an hour on this rough ass road, when all of a sudden a deer comes out from the trees and weeds on the left and get this


RUNS RIGHT INTO MY ****ING CAR


A ****ing deer T-boned my ****ing car last week. I couldn't ****ing believe it.

You have got to be a ****ing DUMB PATHETIC ****ING WALKING DEATH MORON to ****ing run into a god damn car. wtf deer. really????








pffft










put a dent in my car, ofc.






so ****in weak. It's like the type of dent where if someone nailed you with their car door in a parking lot or something. It's not too bad really, could have been a whole lot worse.


but yeah


a ****ing deer ran into me


****ing crazy mother ****ers











yeah so and then this week on tuesday, my friend and I went to play pool again, as usual imo

taking him home, AGAIN I met with an assault of deer


was doing like 40 mph in a 45, just past a stop sign I was just stopped at. prob 500 feet or so. was going around this right hand turn and all of a sudden a deer head appears and a deer comes jumping out into the road as I swerve hard to the left



I couldn't avoid it. I hit the deer.








my car



the militant







Here are some day time pictures of the location the deer strategically chose to launch their attack on me. As you will see, it is quite clear they are collaborating and planning, as deer have much lower intelligence than humans, as you well know. Therefor, it is surely impossible to plan such a sophisticated, coordinated attack without all deer of the population contributing their ideas and brains.



here's the deer on the left and viewing the oncoming road.






this is a picture taken standing right by the deer looking up towards the target area. you can see that they are intent in killing me, and they have been strategically planning this attack for months.






What is also quite evident to me is, they are using some form of long distance communication. They must be using walkie talkies or cell phones or computers or something. There was obviously a deer watching me leave the intersection, radioed to his fellow militant that I was coming and instructed when to leap out in attack. These deer will stop at NOTHING to destroy me.


Here's a picture looking down the oncoming direction giving an idea of the depth and thickness of the surrounding cover.





And finally, here is where I believe the militant launched his surprise attack one me.





and what lies beyond that fence???


bull country




and deer country




I have come to the conclusion that it is kill or be killed with these deer. The only thing I can do is arm myself and be alert and prepared for their advances against me. They could come in any way, shape, or form.

These deer with stop at nothing.

Dude.

Do not apply for the zookeeper job.

Nice hit.

oh that deer got completely nailed.

I was doing like 40 and I swerve hard left instantly and braking at the same time, all that weight was then transferred up to that right front corner where I hit the deer and it had to be a massive force of impact.

These deer are completely ruthless, but I am most certainly not defenseless. These deer are picking on the WRONG ****ing person. I'll mow down each and every one of them.

Let's just hope Gary Johnson becomes president and you can kill as many wild animals as you want.

Well at least it was just a little doe... Hint for those who aren't used to deer attacks, don't swerve, just brake you swerved left, and hit it with a right headlight, had you just braked you probably would have missed it.


I also sell my services as a body guard against such attacks

Free venison ITT.

Had I not swerved (and almost missed it), I would have hit it head on. My car is very low and sleek. The deer would have gone through the windshield and possibly killed my friend and I. To recommend not swerving is completely insane. You have no idea what you're talking about, and you're going to get some body killed for ****'s sake.

if i was better at paint i'd illustrate how you swerving left on a right hand turn is WAY MORE DANGEROUS than you braking and maintaining your course.... but i fail at it, so i'll just let you drive your Z28 how ever the **** you want

fun fact: deers hate ppl in obnoxious pants.
you know what to do my young interweb friend!

wiiiiiiiiisssssssiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiii

Mother Nature. Your doing it wrong.

Perhaps it's payback. For the time you "accidently" went kitten stomping. Or the dogs you have run down. Or maybe, you know, spiders aren't really pets.

What did you do with the deers? At the very least, I hope you ate them or gave them to someone who will. You should have some sort of Native American ritual wherein you thank the spirits for the life of the deers. Only then will you break the curse, and make peace with your "car"ma.

If on the other hand, you stick to your battle plans, I say good luck to you sir! Personally, Ima bet on Mother Nature, but who doesn't love a good "underdog battles impossible odds and scores an upset victory" tale? Good Luck, Lirva.

glad you didn't died

have you considered playing pool on a different night? or even during the day?

you drive slow

also, those dogs just jumped in front of you too right?

oh deer

Did you not take the deer meat when you killed it? What is wrong with you?

LirvA, this is not normal. All in the span of a couple months you've run over 3 different (large) animals. That's more than just a coincidence and I'm guessing you're doing something wrong. Maybe try not smoking pot and driving afterwards.

GIFSoup

Why do you hate animals so much?

The reason swerving is not recommended is lots of vehicles will tend to roll over if swerving and braking hard with is more deadly than simply hitting the deer. In your case with a small car rollover is less likely so swerving within reason is possibly the best idea. Wait till they time it so they jump in front of you when there's traffic coming from the other direction so you swerve into a head on collision. Be careful.

Just drive faster and they won't be able to hit your car any longer, silly

I've heard you are supposed to slam the breaks, then right before you hit you release the breaks. slamming breaks causes the nose of your car to tilt down; releasing before impact brings the nose back up and sends the animal forward instead of into your windshield.

Also deer are ****ing stupid I can attest to this. I worked up in the olympic rainforest for a while and man those little ******s would run along beside your car, and then just randomly ****ing run out right in front of your ****ing car jesus ****ing christ.