You know the book "Childrens' letters to God"? For those that don't, it's a book made up of, surprisingly, letters that children have written addressed to God, usually asking him heart-warmingly innocent questions such as "How come my brother has a pee pee and I don't? Did you run out of them?"



I'd very much like to get some ideas from you guys about "Grown-ups' letters to God" - a parody of the original book, containing less innocent and more challenging questions. I'm looking waaay into the future here, but if there's enough interest I might look to try get it published.

Try to avoid the obvious ones like "Dear God, if you are all-loving, why did you let 6 million Jews die?". Although perfectly reasonable questions, they will have been done to death.

I'll start us off:

Dear God,

You expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden for touching the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Given that they did not know the difference between Good and Evil before touching the tree, is this not a little bit unfair?

Although you are everlasting, thanks for taking the time to read my letter.

In b4 raptorjesus

icwudt

haha not even intentional

Dear God... tell the pixies to stop hiding my socks.

Dear God,

Please let me win the lotto. I swear I'll change and be better and only spend the money on doing good works for you. I'll go to Church every Sunday. Please? I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

Dear god

please respond

Dear God,

On a scale of 1-10 on how well you intelligently deistic everything I'm gonna give ya bout 3.1

Dear God,

You have a great sense of humor:

Dear God (if that IS your real name),

I have a hard time believing you exist. Can you expel any doubts I may have?

Thanks!

P.S. You don't really see EVERYTHING, do you? If so, this is not what it looks like, I promise.

Dear God,

If you are real why did you let op fail so hard at posting

Regards Bogan

Dear God,

You are really starting to test my patience. You had better hope I don't die any time soon or I'm gonna mess your **** up. Also, my car is on the fritz can you get an angel to fix it or something? Mechanics are crooks.

Dear Thor,

Sup homie g dawg. Gotta tale ya, it's been all gud so fur rite now, butt gota tel ya yah kneed tu step up ya gaem homie. I'm rite hurr makin ona fly honie, and sum homeboi step up in frunt tryn ta mak on mah ho. I'm all like "uh uh, uh uh bro", so I tuk his ass ohtsid, and curnstomp a ***** ass den da fly honie has the stones ta ignor a ***** fo da rest uf da nite. Den hurr dawg let me tell ya dis. My 64 cad brok down on a ***** dis pass sondai. On a sondai homie, dats like yo dey off butt i kneeded ya dat dae bro. Cum on dawg ***** had a stresfull dai,

Dear God

Thank you for giving us the chance to bask in your magnificence when you recently burned your image on that slice of toast giving hope to millions who might otherwise have been serious danger on losing their faith not to mention making your lucky prophet £12.57 on e-bay when he sold it which I'm sure he put to good use helping the needy, but is there any chance you could also do something to help all those starving Africans next time you are down here?

Thanks

dear god,

may i have an extra inch?

dear god, why do i have wet dreams. am i gos?

fyp

dear god,

do you sometimes get wasted drunk and wake up the next morning and think "ah **** that was a bad idea killing 30 thousand people last night"?

dear god,

does jesus have daddy issues b/c you told him to get nailed to a cross?

try using lube. I'm sure he'll be able to get it in that way

Dear God,

How many five year olds?

Dear God

Your loyalo fan

Einehouse