Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDean1
I doubt it.
Relationships are often one sided. Systolic is more committed to Erin than Erin is committed to Systolic, ergo she gets to call the shots in the relationship. It's pretty standard, and I think Systo's telling of the story sounded like it very likely reflected that of reality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDean1
I'm going to stop you right here
SHOW. YOUR. WORK.
It's super common for people to feel that they are "right" for each other due to sex + spending time together. That's because this is inherently a special relationship, but just because your first or second serious one feels great (everybody's first serious relationship is always the bees' knees in their own mind at some point or another) that doesn't mean that she's the 1 out of 3 billion that you need to settle with for the rest of your life.
So if you really think that she's miles ahead of the next girl you'd end up with (mind you that you'll be more experienced and less mistake prone by your next relationship, so even if you're with a similarly good match the relationship itself will likely be overall better), you should be able to articulate reasons. And by reasons don't talk about why the GIRL is special, talk about why your RELATIONSHIP with the girl is special.
What is it about her personality that meshes with yours better than anybody else you have ever met?
What dynamics in your relationship are there that are lacking with other people?
What are the pitfalls of your relationship? Would you be worried that after 5, 10, 20, 30, etc years that these might find a way to submarine the whole operation?
You don't have to answer these here, but you gotta ask them to yourself. You don't have a great enough sample size of serious relationships to be pretty sure about anything imo.
And she is NOT pretty sure, she is pretty sure only given the condition that you get a well paying job. What happens if you get married and lose your job? Will she start window shopping for other men? What if you hate your new job and decide you want to pursue music, but she isn't OK with this and you are forced to basically work a **** job for a woman who isn't as lustrous as she used to be?
I'm not trying to tell you that it's the wrong decision, but the reason why there's a 50% ****ing divorce rate in this country is because people get married without considering why **** might fail. This is the rest of your ****ing life that you're talking about, and while divorce is technically an out it's a ****ty one and you don't want to leave that as a fallback plan.
So IMO answer these questions to yourself before diving headfirst into anything you might regret.
Okay, I would say that you are extrapolating unjustifiably, but you are correct in that I haven't thoroughly described the dynamics of our relationship. I didn't think anyone would care to read it, so I didn't post that.
Erin and I are absolutely perfect for each other, and its in a way that I will never be able to acutely describe.
We have been intimate in various ways, but we haven't actually had sex, so that element of your idea doesn't pertain.
If I had to describe the 'pitfalls' of our relationship from my perspective, it would be that Erin really overloads herself in work sometimes. She's a bit of a workaholic, and I think in some ways she wants everyone (including me) to work as much/as hard as she does.
From her perspective, she has told me what her pitfalls with regards to me are.
1) She doesn't like that I play poker (lolobv), and she thinks that its a sign that I am irresponsible with money.
2) She questions my work ethic since she hasn't seen me with a job since she met me.
3) She knows that I have a lot of student loan debt, and she feels like this will be a burden in the future if it isn't managed soon.
As I said before, Erin has 2 jobs and is a full time student. She takes out student loans to pay her tuition every semester and then uses her money she makes to pay the loan off over the duration of the semester. She's very fastidious and extremely organized.
As far as things about our relationship that are miles ahead:
1) We communicate about everything. She tells me if she is upset about something, she tells me the things that she is happy about, and vice versa.
2) We are both completely honest with each other about everything, good or bad.
3) We both want to be with each other whenever we can. Despite her crazy schedule, she makes it a point to be spend some time with me every single day, even if she just comes to my apartment for 10 minutes on her way home from work.
4) We are both forward thinking and share similar family values and ambitions.
5) Our respective families love the other person. Erin's dad has already given me the approval to ask her to marry me, and her sister thinks I am the best thing that has ever happened to her. My family already thinks of Erin as a daughter.
Those are just the first few that came up off the top of my head.