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Mini-SURLAW ultra uber very slow REVEAL Mini-SURLAW ultra uber very slow REVEAL

06-15-2015 , 08:27 PM
Next up for 80s/90s musical wretchedness, earning 4 points, we have:

Spoiler:

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus



submitted by dots-and-lines

How a guy with that mullet could ever knock someone up sufficiently to produce a Miley is one of life’s great mysteries. Actually, though, it’s not. I mean, the ladies LOVED them some early 1990s Billy Ray. It probably took many attempts, but eventually he gave us a Miley and “Party in the USA” was on.

Hey, you know what’s worse than this song?

ACHY BREAKY 2!



Oh the humanity. If anyone submitted this for worst rap song we might have an autowin.

Booker rating: Well, at least it’s better than Achy Breaky 2. And Nickelback. **** Nickelback.

06-15-2015 , 08:30 PM
Into the second half of our survey of the 80s and 90s, earning 5 points:

Spoiler:


Voyager Recordings (Symphonies of the Planets) by NASA



submitted by kwami42

I was forewarned:

Quote:
This is half an hour of signals received from the Voyager spacecraft, transcribed into musical tones. It's mostly static. Enjoy!
I didn’t listen to the whole thing, but I listened to enough to know that this isn’t close to the worst entry on this list. I mean, just look at the next one. Dog vomit is better than the next one.

To be completely honest, I almost enjoyed listening to this, it reminded me of watching earlyish sci fi films like the first Star Trek movie or Close Encounters of the Third Kind. If I listened to it again it might get even fewer points.

Booker rating: Not dog vomit. Probably given too many points

06-15-2015 , 08:32 PM
Speaking of dog vomit, earning 6 points:

Spoiler:

With Arms Wide Open by Creed



submitted by IBeDrummin

IBD plays with fire and nearly gets burned. Only the benevolence of the mod -- and the well established fact that Creed ****ing sucks -- prevents this act of Lèse-majesté from getting zero points. With Eyes Wide Open was released as a single on April 24, 2000, too late to qualify for this category. But because Human Refuse Clay, the album on which it appears, was released on 9/28/99, we’ll technically call this a 90s song.

This song really has it all. Earnestness, over the top and in your face. Trite lyrics. Subject matter. And of course it’s Creed, and Creed ****ing sucks.

Booker rating: Dog vomit. ldo.

06-15-2015 , 08:32 PM
I am out of beer. Is problem.
06-15-2015 , 08:36 PM
No beer and no beer make Booker something something

Let’s move on. You know what’s even worse and earned 7 points? This:

Spoiler:


Them Girls by Zig & Zag



submitted by Mexineil

It’s like the Muppets on acid meet bad house music with a side of Boney M.

Other than that, I have absolutely no ****ing idea what this garbage is. I couldn’t get the clip submitted by mexineil (blocked on copyright grounds), but I assume this is the same wretched track.

Really, there aren’t words. Just listen to it for yourself.

Booker rating:

06-15-2015 , 08:38 PM
And here it is! The top of the category, or something like that. Earning 8 large points it is:

Spoiler:


Dance with Me by Reginald Bonsuquet



submitted by eyebooger

Holy balls.

This is what Rick Dees would sound like if he didn’t have any musical ability at all.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Booker rating: BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS

06-15-2015 , 08:41 PM
Standings after Category 2:

Spoiler:

kwami42 8 + 5 = 13
eyebooger 4 + 8 = 12
Mexineil 4 + 7 = 11
Nick Royale 6 +3 = 9
Zayana 7 + 1 = 8
dots and lines 4 + 4 = 8
IBeDrummin 1 + 6 = 7
Tappokone 2 + 2 = 4


See you next year!
06-15-2015 , 09:16 PM


Spoiler:
06-16-2015 , 01:15 AM
I suck at sucking.
06-16-2015 , 01:24 AM
Not even listening to Reginald Bosanquet if it's worse than whatever the **** Mexineil vomited AND Creed.
06-16-2015 , 12:14 PM
Devastated to not win that category.
10-30-2018 , 12:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Booker Wolfbox
On with the program!

Category 1: A song from the 60s or 70s or earlier

First off in this category we have, earning 1 point --

Spoiler:
“Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney



Submitted by: IBeDrummin

IBD goes outside the box with a seasonal Paul McCartney “classic”. What sets this song apart? Is it the awful kinda out of tune synthesizer sample? The impossibly trite lyrics? The fact that you can't even blame this crap on Linda or the other Wings because Paul is responsible for the whole thing?

How about all of the above?

Oh, and can you believe that according to wikipedia McCartney makes about $400,000 per year in royalties from this song? Damn.

Anyway, it could be worse. It could be a lot worse. It could be covered by Lou Reed. There could be a disco beat. Hell, it's not even the worst Christmas song of the era – I mean it doesn't come close to “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”, for one. IBD gets a small bonus for choosing something recognizable and popular (charted #6 in the UK, lol UK), but it's not bad enough to move him up the ranks.

Booker rating: About as terrible as a can of sardines packed in canola oil.

Finally the terrible assessment above makes sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Booker Wolfbox
Zesty hot take: Paul's solo work (including Wings ldo) >>> the Beatles.

Don't @ me.
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