I've been playing in a local poker room in Southern California and often play late, up to 6am. This is definitely a 'working class' type casino- no airs and graces - and some might call it rough. There are the oddballs I love, like the older guy on the 4/8 limit table who stands up and loudly sings a line from a random R&B tune whenever he wins a pot.
But whenever a player has gotten out of line verbally, even a couple of 'f**ks' and not directed at me, the dealers most often call a halt:"tone it down guys, there's a lady at the table" is the usual scold. To which I most often exaggerate batting my eyes and beam a smile, which I think takes any extra tension out of the air - I'm well able to curse a blue streak but appreciate the dealers taking control of that aspect of the table.
I'm fortunate I haven't run up against the 'rape' term much playing live - online I did, of course, as well as 'hope your mother dies of cancer' and that sort of thing. The guys I've heard use it are the same guys who dress to look like what they think a 'baller' looks like - and I think the term is all about image, and an insecure need to look/sound like a real player. And I haven't known what to do beyond shake my head.
I'm a regular listener to a poker podcast where the (very winning) host kept using the term rape, but recently he made a point of saying he was going to use different words in place of 'rape' and I have some hope that this'll pass down the line, though he didn't go into the reasons why he was changing it up.
Since reading this thread, I've been struggling to think of a way to respond to the use of this term as I expand where I play. The response: "There are self-help programs for people with limited social skills like you." just doesn't seem to cut it. And I don't think I'd get away with "Oh, wow, what a concept! Just how often do you trip on your giant dick?" And then in homage to my favorite late night limit player, I've considered quietly singing, "R E S P E C T, find out what it means to me." As you can see, I haven't nailed it yet.
I'm pretty tough, I think any woman who plays poker regularly has to be. I'm also a survivor. As I was typing that sentence out I think I stumbled on a seed for a response. Rage. Not active rage, mind you, but the power of that emotion. The crime committed against me happened many years ago, but as those who've been through trauma would understand, it's on the edge of my awareness every moment, though few know it even happened apart from my closest family, a few friends, and a grand jury in NYC. Oh yeah, and now you lot. But it's been long enough for me to leave most of the vulnerability of it behind and be in a state of feeling some power from a controlled sort of rage - in protection for myself and any other person at risk.
So, at this moment I think I will stand up at the table and say, "Rape is not the right word to use here. It's ignorant. And it brings out my superhero alter-ego. You don't wanna go there." Then maybe exaggeratedly bat my eyes again but with a grim smile on my face.
Hopefully the table could then discuss it civilly (as several of us discussed the recent vatican news the other night, all feeling passionately about it including one 80+ man who felt that priests were being wrongly maligned.) Or maybe just the one guy would shut up.