Quote:
Originally Posted by DrewOnTilt
LOL SA, how do you know this random ****? I had to Google that to see what the hell you were talking about, and...yeah, that's awesome.
john hodgman said it best in a response to a letter from a fan in his book
more information than you require.
"Q: you have accomplished so much. more than any man has a right to. and yet, you have every right to. i am in awe, and i marvel at everything you have achieved. i am writing to ask you... how? how did you actually do it?
A: it’s quite simple, really, and you can do it too. first, i studied the mistakes others made before me. the lessons i learned from other successful people in my field were obvious: never work for anyone else, own the product of your own labor, do something that no one else is doing, and never use snakes.
next, i was patient. i spent years working a desk job, learning the business inside and out, watching carefully, keeping my head down. but after hours, when everyone went home, i stayed behind, and i worked... ON MY MACHINE.
next i got together a group of specialists, the best in their fields. a team that would inspire me and challenge me to do better.. and when possible i collected their DNA. now it’s not legal for me to say “genetic experimentation”, but let’s just say that within 7 years i’d assembled a crack team of physically and mentally perfect assistants, none of whom had any genitals. and, i continued to perfect MY MACHINE.
after that it was just a matter of blinding the guards with a flash grenade, and disabling the electric eyes with electric eye paste. because the frenchman thought i was dead, i knew they wouldn’t be expecting a tunneler, but that’s just what they got. by the time i was inside i was half dead and completely covered in mud; but that was the plan. the mud defeated the heat sensors, and the half-death defeated the half-life sensors.
in two days, i was able to move again, and i crawled across the floor. it took me all morning just to reach the control panel, and that’s when i deployed the snakes --yes, i know, i broke my own rule. unfortunately, old habits are hard to break, especially the snake habit.
but when the guards rappelled down from the ceiling and began horse-tazering me, i still managed to laugh, because across town, my machine was already doing its thing. and the truth was, i’d already taken the item three days earlier when i just walked in, nice as you please. because you see, the frenchman was me all along, and that horse-tazered body that crawled in that night? well, let’s just say it didn’t have any genitals. none at all. because by then i was long gone. and that’s how i did it. and you know what? i don’t have any regrets."