tl;dr


This happened a while ago, but i assure you the events are real (and the images were taken in real-time).

I have broken about 4-5k worth of electronics and household stuff in my poker career. The most expensive was pile-driving (repeatedly) a $3k apple G5. I have also done physical harm to myself including severing off the tip of my index finger. That will be another thread for another day (with pics, cool!). I have spewed blood after spewing chips on several occasions, a "leak" if you will.





Anywho, i had just broken a keyboard and needed a replacement, so i went to Walmart!




I got myself this super cool wireless keyboard/mouse set!




I took it home, plugged it in and was delighted that everything worked great and was ergonomic!




I gave it the ultimate test by logging into FTP to play some internet card games! This doozy occurred soon after (won't convert, get over it)...


Full Tilt Poker $3/$6 Pot Limit Omaha Hi - 2 players
Hero (BB): $1375.00
BTN/SB: $1689.50

Pre Flop: ($9.00)
Hero is BB with 7c 8d Tc 9d
BTN/SB raises to $18, Hero raises to $52, BTN/SB raises to $148, Hero calls $96.

Flop: ($296) 9h 9s 9c (2 players)
Hero checks, BTN/SB bets $190, Hero calls $190.

Turn: ($675.50) Kd (2 players)
Hero checks, BTN/SB bets $500, Hero raises to $1037 and is all in, BTN/SB calls $537.

River: ($2749.50) Ks (2 players)

Final Pot: $2749.50
Hero shows 7c 8d Tc 9d (Quads, Nines)
BTN/SB shows Kh 2s Ad Kc (Quads, Kings)
BTN/SB wins $2749.50
(Rake: $0.50)





This couldn't be MY fault! I flopped the NUTZ in PLO, and that simply can't lose.

"Relax, no reason to stab your ankle, it's not your fault!" I began looking around my office for ANYTHING/ANYONE to blame for this unfortunate event, but ALAS - i was alone. I then realized only one thing had changed.....






I then acted impulsively, proceeding to BASH my head repeatedly into the stationary keyboard...





...until all that was left was a pile of keys and pieces of casing...





"Well, this just won't do! Now i need to go back to walmart and get another one!! Hmmm, but what if i take it back and say it CAME in this condition? What a plan!" I scooped up the pieces and put them back into the original box, being sure to leave the mouse aside for a rainy day (a "i broke my mouse again" day)





Next day i return to walmart and am greeted by customer service. I tell them all about how excited i was to try out my new computer accessory, and how extremely disappointed i was to get home and find it was destroyed!

They opened the box to find the demolished product inside, then one of them goes into the tank while giving me a very suspicious look....






Little did they know, i play online card games, and i can keep my facial expressions perfectly apathetic for hours on end...





Apparently my line made sense and he folde, er, apologized for the inconvenience. He then said i could grab another identical product off the shelf and we would be cool.


I have since broken the old and new mouse that were included, but here i sit typing on my FREE keyboard to this day! Cool!!


Thanks for reading!


CLIFFS:

[x] OP has severe mental issues and likes to break things to vent
[x] OP loses after flopping the nuts in HU PLO.
[x] OP destroyed a brand new keyboard, and took it back to walmart saying "but it came like this!" - Walmart replaces item after a brief stare-down and now we're cool.



...andddd of course some threadsavers (be kind, i'm too lazy to find top shelf savers)....

tl;(even i)dr

disturbing pic in there

Buy a punch bag. It is extremely +EV.

www.gamblersanonymous.org. Best of luck sir.

solid post,wp sir

5* woul read again

hi op if tilting is an issue find my post about how to avoid tilt i think itl help you lots

keep on trucking 8-)

jay b

There is a homosexual hidden somewhere in this pic.

Haha nice

A+ for effort

Cool thread, but that one pic is still ****ing bugging me.

And why do all hot women play 5-card draw? Wtf, even my grandpa thinks thats boring... (would still play obv)

the keyboard wasn't free, it cost you a broken keyboard

lol

ballbag79
banned

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOL



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Good thread original poster, that took effort. It was worth reading.

can you even IMAGINE what your nuts would feel like after that

crushed.....
















by kings.

Hello,

My name is Craig F. I am writing on behalf of the Walmart Corp and affiliates.

It has come to our attention that the individual who created this topic may have used fraud as a means to obtain merchandise from one of our numerous locations illegally. We would like to speak to you directly about this matter to avoid having to take legal action against you. If you would be so kind as to call the number below so we can discuss this matter further i believe it would be beneficial to both parties. I appreciate your cooperation and look forward to hearing from you. Have a nice day!

- Craig F. (Director of Security, Walmart)
- Phone: 401-992-4050

Also, for others reading, please note that Walmart now carries a large line of poker related products at very competitive prices! We hope you will visit us soon to fulfill all your poker needs!

^^ lol

Get rid of the heel on balls pic.

Enjoyable read. Thx op

it's a pic of defeated/crushed nuts, you ****ing pervert!!! The world is what you make of it. If you want to see balls, you will see balls.

I see crushed nuts.

walmart ITT lol