my first slowroll
06-12-2009
, 11:23 AM
Part 1: prolouge
there's a weekly donkament at a local pub that friends and i go to about once a month. the field is something around 100 players, estimated ~5 good players.
first place prize is a bottle of very expensive booze, second is somewhat expensive booze, third is booze, forth and fifth are a couple of shots each.
me and two of my friends are decent, and take pretty much nothing about this game seriously. we are often dead drunk before the douchey tournament manager gives off the 'SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL!!!' (English is not my country's language)
this time was no exception and i had around two pints and a couple of shots down before i even saw my first hand, and although i'm not an hobbo slobber-passout drunk, i am constantly 'high' when i drink, and i even play good enough poker.
after being card dead and bored for around 15 minutes, i make my drunken move and 3bet some monkey raise to 4bb with 68dd to 12bb.
now i don't know why, but mainly when i'm drunk, i don't remember "6 diamond 8 diamond", but "6 diamond + 2" or so for every sooted connector.
some shortstack i wasn't even aware was in the table shoves for a grand total of 14bb, monkey calls, and i sigh and call.
i should mention that although shortstack pusher is a lovable guy, he has a 'wannabe pro' friend at the table, who takes this all very seriously, and i can only describe him as the phil hellmuth of the pub. this is where trouble ensues.
Part 2: OHHHHH SNAP
flop comes something like Js4s4x and gets checked, turn and river are 8, Q and and i bet a quarter of a bb on the river (donkaments, hellmuth allowed it), and monkey calls. i announce "got an 8", and monkey show-mucks AKss complaining about his bad luck.
shortstack on the other hand is ecstatic about his soon to be triple up when he tables JQs for the win, and monkey asks to see my hand so i can take the 1/2bb side pot.
i look at my cards and realize i mistook 6d+2 for 6d-2, and turns out i have 64dd for gaytrips and the win.
shortstack who already stacked up all the chips seems kind of stunned but realizes i am just drunk, and hands me over the chips with a sigh, but i could pretty much hear the steam come out of hellmuth's ears.
i sat there getting berated for being a slowroller for around 10 minutes, where all i do is laugh and drink beer, giving off the occasional 'ok buddy, i'm sorry'.
soon after the table broke when i took out some guy with KK on K3Q37 vs 78 (i thought you were bluffing), and me and hellmuth part ways.
during the entire tournament (5hrs+), hellmuth, who was still playing, was pointing at me from across the room, cursing, and even once brought a guy to personally see me, signaling 'that's him'.
now if i wasn't drunk as william wallace at this point, i'd probably care, but meh.
Part 3: where amazing happens
as the final table is formed, i rejoice as me and hellmuth are seated next to each other and i greet him with a 'hello my love, long time no see', which promptly sends him to his next tirade, as he introduces me to the table as the slowroller.
since the pub basically never changes denominations (one mid-tournament, it changes nothing), we are all sitting with a mountain of chips and out of the top 3 in the table nobody really knows who is the chip leader (only counting when all in). basically it's between me, hellmuth, and 50 year old guy (
) who announces that he never bluffs.
about an hour later, it's down to me, hellmuth, and some other guy who i've seen a couple of times before and seems like a good player, although quite drunk himself. hellmuth is shortstacking with his sunglasses, and wins 2 all ins in a row vs the other guy, to make him somewhat even with the 2 of us, although we really have no idea.
i pretty much raise every hand, until the hand of all hands come, and i have 88 on the button. i make the usual 3x raise, and hellmuth calls.
flop comes A87 and i'm in heaven. hellmuth c/c.
turn is J, hellmuth goes into the tank before any action, which he does pretty much every time he has the nuts, and checks. i bet like 1/10 pot and he tank-calls, which just makes me burst in laughter. hellmuth seems uneasy at this point and might figure out i'm onto his grand scheme (lol).
turn is the most beloved, 8 of clubs, which is my new favorite card in the deck, giving me quads and, if not in a public place, a total poker boner.
hellmuth tanks again and goes all in for like 10x pot, i take my golden ticket and tank for like 2 solid minutes. i ask hellmuth if his bluffing over and over again, while he just sits there like a rock with his sunglasses and cap, and actually says 'time', to which the tournament manager responds 'what?', having absolutely no idea what hellmuth means (lol donkaments).
anyway, after a brief intermission, i announce 'ok, i got a strong hand, i can't fold it, you gotta be bluffing', and announce call.
hellmuth jumps up overjoyed as he's yelling at me for being a dumbass and he knew i would never fold a straight.
hellmuth tables AA for the boat, i am laughing even harder inside as i realize what a suckout i've just cooked, and look disappointed as hell.
after counting the chips for almost a minute, i hold my hand up to the 3rd guy, and tell him, 'i can't believe he beat me!'. other guy ofcourse goes insta-berserk and yells "WTF!!! YOU HAVE QUADS!!! YOU WON!!!" over and over again, as i pretend i don't understand what he's talking about.
as hellmuth stands there shocked to his core, i take an onion ring, fart on it, and throw it on his face. hellmuth looks at me like i'm insane tries to punch me, only to fall down and get separated by the observers.
as i'm laughing my balls off, i stroll out of the room mid-chipcount and join my friends' table, where we proceeded to rate this as the greatest poker event in history.
Part 4: aftermath
5 am, me and my friends are on the verge of alcohol poisoning.
it turns out the 3rd guy at the table was the pub owner, who also hates hellmuth, and he awards me first+second place bottles, declaring 'today's party bill is on me', and he hopes to see me next tournament.
tl;dr
cliff notes:
i fart on an onion ring and throw it on hellmuth
that's my story bbv, i hope you enjoyed.
there's a weekly donkament at a local pub that friends and i go to about once a month. the field is something around 100 players, estimated ~5 good players.
first place prize is a bottle of very expensive booze, second is somewhat expensive booze, third is booze, forth and fifth are a couple of shots each.
me and two of my friends are decent, and take pretty much nothing about this game seriously. we are often dead drunk before the douchey tournament manager gives off the 'SHUFFLE UP AND DEAL!!!' (English is not my country's language)
this time was no exception and i had around two pints and a couple of shots down before i even saw my first hand, and although i'm not an hobbo slobber-passout drunk, i am constantly 'high' when i drink, and i even play good enough poker.
after being card dead and bored for around 15 minutes, i make my drunken move and 3bet some monkey raise to 4bb with 68dd to 12bb.
now i don't know why, but mainly when i'm drunk, i don't remember "6 diamond 8 diamond", but "6 diamond + 2" or so for every sooted connector.
some shortstack i wasn't even aware was in the table shoves for a grand total of 14bb, monkey calls, and i sigh and call.
i should mention that although shortstack pusher is a lovable guy, he has a 'wannabe pro' friend at the table, who takes this all very seriously, and i can only describe him as the phil hellmuth of the pub. this is where trouble ensues.
Part 2: OHHHHH SNAP
flop comes something like Js4s4x and gets checked, turn and river are 8, Q and and i bet a quarter of a bb on the river (donkaments, hellmuth allowed it), and monkey calls. i announce "got an 8", and monkey show-mucks AKss complaining about his bad luck.
shortstack on the other hand is ecstatic about his soon to be triple up when he tables JQs for the win, and monkey asks to see my hand so i can take the 1/2bb side pot.
i look at my cards and realize i mistook 6d+2 for 6d-2, and turns out i have 64dd for gaytrips and the win.
shortstack who already stacked up all the chips seems kind of stunned but realizes i am just drunk, and hands me over the chips with a sigh, but i could pretty much hear the steam come out of hellmuth's ears.
i sat there getting berated for being a slowroller for around 10 minutes, where all i do is laugh and drink beer, giving off the occasional 'ok buddy, i'm sorry'.
soon after the table broke when i took out some guy with KK on K3Q37 vs 78 (i thought you were bluffing), and me and hellmuth part ways.
during the entire tournament (5hrs+), hellmuth, who was still playing, was pointing at me from across the room, cursing, and even once brought a guy to personally see me, signaling 'that's him'.
now if i wasn't drunk as william wallace at this point, i'd probably care, but meh.
Part 3: where amazing happens
as the final table is formed, i rejoice as me and hellmuth are seated next to each other and i greet him with a 'hello my love, long time no see', which promptly sends him to his next tirade, as he introduces me to the table as the slowroller.
since the pub basically never changes denominations (one mid-tournament, it changes nothing), we are all sitting with a mountain of chips and out of the top 3 in the table nobody really knows who is the chip leader (only counting when all in). basically it's between me, hellmuth, and 50 year old guy (
) who announces that he never bluffs.about an hour later, it's down to me, hellmuth, and some other guy who i've seen a couple of times before and seems like a good player, although quite drunk himself. hellmuth is shortstacking with his sunglasses, and wins 2 all ins in a row vs the other guy, to make him somewhat even with the 2 of us, although we really have no idea.
i pretty much raise every hand, until the hand of all hands come, and i have 88 on the button. i make the usual 3x raise, and hellmuth calls.
flop comes A87 and i'm in heaven. hellmuth c/c.
turn is J, hellmuth goes into the tank before any action, which he does pretty much every time he has the nuts, and checks. i bet like 1/10 pot and he tank-calls, which just makes me burst in laughter. hellmuth seems uneasy at this point and might figure out i'm onto his grand scheme (lol).
turn is the most beloved, 8 of clubs, which is my new favorite card in the deck, giving me quads and, if not in a public place, a total poker boner.
hellmuth tanks again and goes all in for like 10x pot, i take my golden ticket and tank for like 2 solid minutes. i ask hellmuth if his bluffing over and over again, while he just sits there like a rock with his sunglasses and cap, and actually says 'time', to which the tournament manager responds 'what?', having absolutely no idea what hellmuth means (lol donkaments).
anyway, after a brief intermission, i announce 'ok, i got a strong hand, i can't fold it, you gotta be bluffing', and announce call.
hellmuth jumps up overjoyed as he's yelling at me for being a dumbass and he knew i would never fold a straight.
hellmuth tables AA for the boat, i am laughing even harder inside as i realize what a suckout i've just cooked, and look disappointed as hell.
after counting the chips for almost a minute, i hold my hand up to the 3rd guy, and tell him, 'i can't believe he beat me!'. other guy ofcourse goes insta-berserk and yells "WTF!!! YOU HAVE QUADS!!! YOU WON!!!" over and over again, as i pretend i don't understand what he's talking about.
as hellmuth stands there shocked to his core, i take an onion ring, fart on it, and throw it on his face. hellmuth looks at me like i'm insane tries to punch me, only to fall down and get separated by the observers.
as i'm laughing my balls off, i stroll out of the room mid-chipcount and join my friends' table, where we proceeded to rate this as the greatest poker event in history.
Part 4: aftermath
5 am, me and my friends are on the verge of alcohol poisoning.
it turns out the 3rd guy at the table was the pub owner, who also hates hellmuth, and he awards me first+second place bottles, declaring 'today's party bill is on me', and he hopes to see me next tournament.
tl;dr
cliff notes:
i fart on an onion ring and throw it on hellmuth
that's my story bbv, i hope you enjoyed.
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