If half my table can be described by one the above I'm pretty happy about my game selection honestly. Most of these comments sound like the chimes of a cash register to me - not to mention the unintentional comedy of it all. Make live poker into a drinking game and take a drink every time some villain says one of the above.

anyone that quotes lame ****ing ass quotes from clips they've seen on youtube. Basically I have one guy I know who is just so disgusting, he constantly reels off quotes from tony G. It's awful. He once went all in with A6s, I call with queens, he loses and claims "ah can't be helped, it was my favourite hand - what could I have done?"

This dude named Phil Galfond.

You may have heard of him -- some online big shot. But, damn, he is the hugest nit ever in our 100k buy-in game at the South Pointe.

Dude, play a friggin' hand or give up your seat to someone who has the balls to open AQo in EP.

[ ] humor found

um the guy who thinks he knows all the dealers personally and calls them by name... real fing cool guy. and then looks around to make sure everyone saw him tip 2$.. unreal

I've seen that a few times.

The guy who's been watching too much HSP.

Hey..let's run it maybe 19 times?

since running it twice NEVER happens outside of HSP

QFT

Oh snap I know this guy, WTF he's ok

QFT - I wish I could just give it to them that one time, and then never again

there's your one time, bitch

#1,102,583: when I get raised off a bluff, and villain says, "I was playing the player, not the cards," as he rakes in a small pot

I very much enjoy the conversation of > 25 year old people I play with live. A lot of them are very funny. A lot of them are very successful in the business world and could teach us a thing or two. A lot of them just have funny stories to tell.

i don't think this is any less true of people under 25

OMG I HATE THAT! Nothing worse then trying to play your hand and the guy flips out and starts whispering to all the other players around him that he folded what would of been a monster. I mean have some freaking curtosy and class

--- I had some guy give me a complete run down on how i could have folded my KK pre for 100bb. " when u reraised TO SEE WHERE YOUR KINGS WERE AT!!!!!, and i went all in, you could have gotten away from it.



to see where my ****ing kings were at????? die....

I admit i do this on occasion if they cap it at 1k as my way of saying FU. Also it makes it easier when i wanna sneak some blacks onto the table :P

definitely hate people that come to live poker games to sell it out to cronies who then rob the game at gunpoint.......

People who claim that they win every time they play, if you win so ****ing much why are you playing 3/6 limit holdem bump it up in stakes

Probably a variation of #8. The guy that's played poker 3 times that think he knows it all. When he looses berates the other player bad play.

Transcript from an online game, but it goes something like this.

villain plays 70% of hands. limps JJ. flop brings him a set of jacks, and me a straight draw, and a flush draw in BB. I bet, he raises, I re-raise, he pushes I call.


donk-"LMAO"
donk-"but a real bad player"
me-"straight draw and a flush draw idiot"
donk-"against trips moron, still for that amount of $$ was a bad call" (getting 3 to 1)
donk-"and you just got lucky..."
me-"learn to raise pf then"
donk-"90% of the time you loose..."
me-"your bad at math"
donk-"right"
donk-"there is playing to be lucky, and playing smart"
#1 guy at table-"people who limp big pairs don't get to cry about them getting beat. It's a universal rule"
me-"no **** lol"
donk-"your not smart"
donk-"dont care about being beat...."
donk-"just hate loosing to bad players..."
#2 guy at table- "it was a good play, shut up now"
donk-"was dum for the cost of it.... so you shut up now"
#2 guy at table-"he had a straight and flush draw-- def worth it, Shut up"
donk"dont tell me to shut up..."


etc...etc....

also, rounders quotes at the table are fckn awesome and if you hate that, then you proly hate life and america.

Um...maybe there's a way to make this fit for live, but there's an online one that pisses me off.

People who pick screen names off Lucky Number Slevin then try to act like any of the above natural poker geniuses. I can't even properly explain the gayness of this one. It's so ****ed on so many levels.

Poker attracts all the poor dreamers who never try. It's super annoying like when all the nerds start talking about how good they are at martial arts and start wearing trench coats after watching The Matrix or all the acne freaks with the dragon (or fire) silk button up shirts start eating Chinese food they really don't like and using authentic chop sticks after watching "Kiss of the Dragon."

Of the worlds most interesting people, the percentage that are under 25 is probably very small. (Conversationally anyway!)

1.) The guy who slow rolls quads by saying "just 2 pair... 22's and 22's...hahahaha!"
this is even more funny when you have already tabled something like top full house.

2.) The standard frat guy who has his girlfriend sit behind him for 10 hours as he explains the "in and the outs" of poker as she yawns and he pumps up his own ego.

this one is actually kinda funny, but pissed me off as well. all in pf with QQ vs this dingus, he asks what i have, i tell him. he says "well, atleast i got two overs" flop, turn, and river all rags, i table qq thinking hes gonna muck his AK when he flips over AA. whaaaaa? two overs.......asl;dfjals;kfjkls;dfjal;sdgjk