Quote:
Originally Posted by Snipes
**** it. This thread needs help and I need to write.
Not really sure where I left off money wise - I think around October of last year...and then I did a couple random updates in the middle - 1 of which was groundbreaking to me in that the lender who I owe upwards of 300k can't take **** from my family because there is no collateral. So making my parents sell their home to bail my ass out became a moot point which really helped calm things down for me.
I don't really know where to start. I was in a big hole last year and I am in a even bigger hole now. Nothing has gotten better...I mean there were pockets of good times but nothing really improved. The only thing that has improved is the compulsion and the spewing habits.
I can no longer stomach betting 1k on a +450 virtual horse. I can no longer stomach depositing 10-15k a night while in debt on an online casino and playing 3 spots of BJ. There are a lot of things I did as a youngin (2 years ago) that I cannot do anymore. For 1) Don't have the means. 2) Don't have the stomach.
You see every day is such a grind and there is so much that has gone on that it's becoming hard for me to remember. This doesn't bode well for my future book. I can tell you what's going on right now and it isn't good but maybe it's best I take it back to last year of September and start there.
September 2018.
Now some of my numbers will be off - and it is important not to get too caught up in them so I will try to keep it as generalized as possible. Also I am too lazy to go back and check where I left off so things may overlap. Lastly - perhaps there was no update because there were never any "big bills" or big parlay hits the last few months. The 50k amex bills stopped (will explain why later) and the parlay hits stopped (completely dry).
August was a crazy month. I needed to win like 40-50k as usual and bricked all along. Nobody could bail me out at this time. I owed the lender 200k I think and I was 2 weeks behind on his payment of $9k for the month - not a good look. Who the **** is going to give me 40k now? It's over. One of my buddies put his $ into a prebuild that got cancelled. Gets a cheque for 50k and messages me and says I got this $ you need it? We joke around for a bit and things get serious. I eventually tell him yes I do need it - and if he can pay off my bill I will either bink and pay him back asap or paypal him the money back - whatever he prefers. Remember the AMEX is an unlimited charge card for which I have held balances of around 100k before. So to send 40k is no problem. I was using paypal to send people money for liquid cash constantly. IT was working great.
2 days before this amex bill is due my friend bails me out. I am very happy.
The day that ended my life or saved my life - we will never know
It's mid August. Baseball season is in full swing. I am just missing parlays or hitting parlays and missing singles. Got to 40k twice in this month doing parlays and lost them both on singles. One game I lost was the Mets facing the Phillies and the other I lost was a hot Oakland team losing to Baltimore. The worst part about that loss was that it was a -200 and Oakland smashed them the remainder of the series. Oh well. I was way too confident thinking get me around 50k and I'll run it up to 400k like last time in 6 days (LOL).
The phone rings - my dad picks up the house phone (WHO HAS A HOUSE PHONE ANYMORE NOW ANYWAYS) and it is Amex. Amex? What could they want? I've made the payments..like what is going on here - must be too many transactions or something. Oh well I got it handled..my parents think it's all for my business anyways - the web of lies continue.
Amex: Sir your account is under review - please pay the remaining balance and we will give you our decision.
Dad: I am a long time customer - why are you reviewing me? Have I not paid everything always?
Amex: Yes - but your account has been flagged.
All the paypal transactions finally caught up to me. My dad's amex card got flagged. Paypal was 1 reason and the other was that the balance had reached the highest of peaks of around 117k I think at one point. I had to pay off my highest amex bill yet JUST to find out what their decision would be (can't be bad I've done nothing wrong) and just to stay in action. So I got to pay off this enormous sum but the card that I use to buy vouchers with every day for 2-3k is unavailable. It's over. It's all over. Can't win without the ammo. This was probably the last time I consistently had access to endless bullets. I had many days after this where I gambled tons of $ away but I always had to think twice. I no longer had a card with an unlimited credit amount.
The worst part? My friend asked me that he would prefer I paypal him the $ back slowly every week rather than waiting for a bink (wise decision) and I agreed. Now that my card was blocked/under review I could no longer do that. I don't know if he ever fully believed me - I am sure he did but a part of him must have been skeptical that it is awfully convenient this happens to go down when I am supposed to pay him back. I would be skeptical myself.
I can't remember the exact amount I had to pay amex back but it was LARGE. I would say around 6 figures - so now I need 100K plus or my life is over in 2 weeks + I got no bullets to bet with. What a life. I am screwed for sure.
To be continued.
To be continued.
Changed my mind - wrote some more - thought I'd wrap that month up.
This was the worst time that I could recall. Worse than now and worse than any moment this past year I'd say. I don't know if it was because I needed 100k just to pay off 1 bill for the month and that my total debt was probably well over my last amount of -250k, or the fact that my lifeline had just been cut. No more action? Seriously? I've been betting 50-60k every month. How do I go to 0? And okay fine you want to cut my oxygen fine - but I desperately need to bet to pay this bill! My parents are NOT going to be able to pay this down. They don't have it liquid and it will ruin their credit. I have finally ****ed everyone once and for all and nothing is going my way. Cutting off my Amex? Why god why? God? LOL is there even a god? Can't be. Must be satan only. One beat after the other man. Either getting rivered in the ****ing 9th inning or waking up one day to find out I no longer have action. I think from August 16th until the 30th I legit just zoned out. I was a zombie. No action + knowing I am dead once and for all no matter what I do or who I talk to was just too much for me to handle. I'd drive home every day debating If I should just swerve the ****ing Audi into the ****ing wall at 150MPH. I'd never do it though because I am just one huge pussy. Plus that's the easy way out and I don't deserve it.
It's nearing September 4th which is the day I gotta pay this ****ing Amex and I have no answer. I am on a date with my girlfriend and I can't explain to you how I felt. The anxiety was through the roof. I can still feel it to this day and it's making me nervous just talking about it. The anxiety wasn't there because I was going to tell her anything - it was just there because I had no answer - no plan - no nothing and time was almost up.
I decided to ask the lender again. Now the last time he gave me $ to get our total up to 200k he said don't ever come back to me for more $ ever again. He has said this many times and I still always do but I think he meant it this time. 200k was a tad too much - so 300k? No chance. We had a long phone call - few hours long and I discussed several options with him that did not include getting $ from him. Here's a funny note by the way - the previous month that my friend bailed me out the lender knew about it and he seemed disappointed. Was he disappointed my friend bailed me out and I did not ask him for more $ which would result in more interest? OR was he mad because he wants me to die out once and for all and get my parents to bail me out? I couldn't tell. He plays too many games + plays the whole "iam your friend card". Anyways we talk for hours..and he says look man I just can't give you another 100k without collateral it makes no sense - I say well I always pay interest and I am good for it etc etc. Little did I know he was probably jizzing deep down and was going to give me this $ because it would mean around 15k a month in interest on a sum of 300k. I should probably not include these numbers I don't want him reading this. Actually, **** it I don't care.
He ends the conversation with a "i'll ask my partner" and it seemed hopeful. I would say I was a -300 but it obviously felt like a -110. It is now September 3rd (day before bill due) and he calls me and says hey man sorry but my partner said no. Pretty sure this partner does not exist. Also why did it take you 3 days when you know I am on a tight schedule? I saw him every single day at the place me him and our mutual friends hang out and I would sit there awkwardly waiting for him to give me a response. I asked him at teh end of every night "hey do you know yet?" You were supposed to get back to me 3 days ago. Every hour counts - it is alrady so late but I have to prepare my family. Why did you **** me like this? Why do you continue to keep ****ing me over man? All I have ever done is been a good friend and client to you. I am always there for you when you bust your roll and need someone to talk to. I'll be in the biggest jam of my life but I will console you and make you feel better. I returned your loan of 110k with 50k in interest in 6 months to you last time. I paid you 100 ****ing % per annum and ignored mutual friends telling me you were bad for me and continued to be your friend. You lost a bunch of $ in the casino and called me crying when I had roll and I wired you 30k instantly and never asked for any interest ever. I even told you to keep it for as long as you need. This is all AFTER you tried to ruin me and my family. Not to mention when I ran up to 400k the endless bullets I gave you for free. Around 40-50k free bullets? Plus the 50k interest. 100k you made off me in 6 months and you lent me 100k. Congrats on hitting a lock of the year PK my lender friend for 100k. YET. YET - you do this. You wait till the last SECOND and inform me you can't give me this sum. You couldn't shut me down earlier and say pack it up buddy. You think I'd be mad if you said no? My real friends have said no to me and told me to **** off and come clean and I still love them. That's what true friends do - they bail you out once or twice sure but they tell you to your face like ex-matt does that you're a ****ing moron and you need to end this. But you're not a real friend are you? You're just a savage using me - knowing my interest gives you free betting roll every month.
Now I am completely ****ed. I got no time whatsoever. 2 hours later he calls again. "Hey my partner is wondering..if you can come into the office with your parents with collateral I can have the money over to you asap". Ahh the moment has finally come.
So you want my parents to come in - take responsibility for the previous loan of 200k + the additional 130k they now need to pay the Amex plus the other cards. How convenient. I was sitting in my room shaking and crying prior to this and pacing back n forth. I said "no..I can't".
I didn't say no because I was smart about this and was thinking "why should my parents take responsibility for this"..I only said no because I still did not want to come clean. I felt like he was asking me to come clean - it never occurred to me that he just wanted them to claim this loan so that he could guarantee his $ back and screw us all over. WHo in their right ****ing mind would collateralize a loan that was already given out? LOL. ME. That's how ******ed I was.
Anyways I say no and continue to cry in my room. Life is over. Parents don't have 100k. Credit ruined. Life ruined. GF will leave. Etc Etc. Death Death Doom Doom Gloom Gloom. I can't remember what he said when I said no my parents can't come or that I won't tell them but he just kept on lying and making up scenarios and as if I didn't already resent him - now I was in savage mode and I can't remember exactly what happened but he said meet me at our usual spot tonight after your night is over. I had a date that night and was going to see him after. I knew this was my only shot. He had already ****ed me at this point and I didn't want to deal with him but I left myself no choice. It's funny because he actually really likes my friendship. There's a very weird and strange dynamic here that is hard for me to explain. He wants to discuss betting and wants to see me every day at the hookah spot. When I don't come he forces me to and he likes to act like everything is normal and that we are great friends. ITs ****ing weird guys I will go more in-depth about it later but yeah a very peculiar situation. Maybe some psych majors can explain. So again he wants me to come at night and give him company and discuss. I get there all stressed and have my pitch ready. We sit down and he says how are you going to pay all this interest? I said simple. You know I am giving baseball picks to these 3 guys who bet 5k a game and free roll me 25%. I can make enough to pay you every single week. He knows the guys who take picks from me and they had my excel work and everything so he knew the numbers came close. it was a great season too (9% ROI) so betting $1250 a game at an average of 6 games a day generated me enough income to pay this obscene interest. I sat there all teary eyed and gave him everything I had - to which he ended with "okay I will talk to my partner again - I know how to convince him, just know after this I own you for life. You are signing your life over to me". I said no problem I got nowhere to run.
Got the $ paid off the Amex and other bills. Debt number with him: 330k. Amex decision comes back: Credit cut down from unlimited to 10k. Good thing or bad thing? I wasn't sure at the time but I know now it was the best thing that could have happened.
To be continued.
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