The Busto Manifesto
11-02-2009
, 12:11 AM
It all started when I was 6 years old. I watched my dad playing 7 stud in the .05/.10 house game, and was watching his leak-filled play… raising with 764 offsuit against a table of calling stations, donking away chips chasing draws when I saw half his outs were face-up on the table… it was at this point that I decided a gambling career was ez money.
A few weeks later I went to the track with my degen uncles and watched them donk away hundys trying to class handicap when the beyer numbers were readily available… as were thorough trip
notes their non-idiot friend had compiled… it tilted me so hard. So I go back to the grind that is grade school, flipping coins for dollars against idiot kids, outplaying people for their lunches at pokemon, etc etc. I turn 10 and then I hear my friends talkin about hold em… at this point I’ve read
Brunson’s idiotic super system and felt he was a ******... who the **** shoves with the worst of it and is proud of it? That book was just a ****fest, and I decided to follow my own poker theories that made much more sense… so I decide to play in this donkey
high stakes (5 dorra at age 10 is ****in houses to adults) game of 10 year olds… I make moves on their asses left and right, extract value from my trips after set mining, etc etc… at this point I become a social outcast because I’m just too good and they don’t want
me in their games… I walk to the local Maywood park and sneak in… I’m trying to drown my depression of social rejection by picking some ponies… with my fresh 20 dolla bankroll I decide to place two $10 exactas boxed OTB after digging a DRF outta the trash… both hit obv and Im in bizness… I now have 2 vouchers for a combined 82.10… i have no way to cash it so I find some hobo that is obv busto and ask him to cash them offering him 10 bucks if he does it… I give him 1 voucher at a time first the one for 55.30 and he gives me 40 of it… then he takes the 26.80 one and stiffs me again, giving me only 10… I get really pissed but don’t throw a fit knowing im breaking the law as is… I walk home with my new fiddy dorra bankroll and tell my dad what happened, thinking as a degen gambler he would be proud… as it turns out he doesn’t want me to turn out like him so he lectures me… then I tilt and say I don’t give a **** im a skilled gambler unlike u ya ****in donk…. He says im
gonna teach u a lesson and plays me hu4rollz in some 7stud… first hand I get dealt rolled up 9s and he calls my 4 bet pre… I turn quads like a pro… he has some rags to a straight draw on board… I decide to let him chase it… after 5th st he has 975 showin and its not out of his range hu to call a 4bet with 986… so we raise back and forth until hes all in… he flips his striahgt I show him quads and cry out “justice”… then he gets rly pissed and hits me 4 times with an electrical cord saying
“1 whip for each 9 u *******”… this tilts me hard and I stop gambling for a while… fearing the swift whip of justice. I turn
14 and go off to high school and I find two friends who also like to
gamboool… Kevin and bob so basically we tlak about hold em strat… it turns out bob is some kinda jew tighter than a 12 yr old with an unbroken hymen nit who prolly pfraises QQ+ only and VPIPs with stone nothing… Kevin is a hyperaggro donk who likes to play hands that are looser than whores vaginas… seems like some good partners… we all decide to get jobs flippin cheezburgers to build a combined roll to put on online pokers… after a few weeks we have 600 deposited and decide to play 50+5 sng’s (way outta br but we don’t give a ****)… we try to put our minds together but that motherufkcer nit bob always wants to fold and that ****** maahs keeps teling me to reraise outta position wit 94 offsuit… so we all decide its not
workin and split it 3 ways… 200 each… and decide to split our eventual profits… I pull my weight, playing in the 16 turbos and grind up to 1.5k… the nit bob plays like 2.20s or some **** and plays breakeven poker… and that Kevin idiot has swongs.. up 4k at one point and busto literally 4 NL1000 buyins later… and I get pissed… I give them their split of the profits as promised and continue the grind… variance is a bitch and puts me on megatilt but im able to contain myself to only a 10 bi downswing. At this point I decide to take a break and focus on my studies… that is until the 2 morons come up to me again and tell me they found a pretty juicy live game that I could make ez $$ at… a buncha rich parents buy everything for them suburban jock ****
that thought they were good at hold em were running a 45 man rebuys tourney for $200 buy-in… I get in that **** and play like a master. After 6 hours of the tourney Im the chip leader… the rebuy period is over and im at the final table with an absurd amount (16k) of money in the prize pool… then I get into the biggest pot of my life at that point… I’m in the cutoff with 8d6d and raise 3x the bb…
I get 3 callers… flop comes 9d7d5d and I shart myself… especially when the donkey in the bb bets the pot, utg+2 flats, late position reraises, and all 3 call my shove with AdAh, 9c9s, and JdTd respectively… I rake in a ****ing massive pot and just play tight hold em the rest of the way… at this point I feel like a poke champ, having taken home like 10k from this donkament with a ridic payout structure (10k, 4k, 2k, nothing) I’m rolled for whatever… So anyway some slutty cheerleader chick sees that I have 10k now and decides to gold-dig… being an idiot I take the ez puss figurin shes into me cuz I’m a hot playa etc… she steals 2k off me making me buy her ****… basically I paid 1k to feel each of her tits and **** her (believe me they were nice… but not worth 1k a piece feel-copping)… at this point I become a real misogynist and am tilted into degeneracy… I stop caring about my grades… I 35 the ACT… 2340 the SAT… and graduate with a 2.3 GPA… Only 1 teacher ever really understood me… my not so hot calc teacher… she had a nice ass and some dece titties but her face left a lot t obe desiered… she was the only one to belive in me and told me to follow my dreas… so I end up going to college on some financial aid due to my dad being busto and my mom beng a whore who brought in 0 cash… women truly are usless as Ive always said “women are like pocket jacks they **** u every time” … I go to NIU and meet some more degens who are impressed by my 8k bankroll… I put it all on fulltilt… I start playing some 5/10 wit my 8k bankroll hoping to grind into a shot at the nosebleeds… 6 months later I’m up to 65K. As you may know, I am a true degen with no actual br mgmt skills… I decide to sit down and play ivey heads up. I buy in for 50k at the 500/1000 tables and start grinding… at one point I’m up 12k on this ******… he truly does suck at poker… anyway I eventually get dealt AA and raise… he re-raises, I shove, he calls and flips over KK… flop is QJ2, turn a 7. At this point, I’m dancing around… I’ve pissed myself with
happiness… and then the river comes… the ****ing suicide King… the image of that virtual king stabbing himself leads me to consider suicide… fuming… I find some random asian kid walking the hallway and decide to kick him in the balls… I’m down to 12k after all that work cuz that stupid negro donk ivey calls a shove as an 80-20 dog and hits the ****in river me button… I realize ive been doomswitched and withdraw the 15k
immediately… deciding to take a shot at the main event of the WSOP. I use the 5k spare for travel/hotel and buy-in. After fighting through several hours of day one, I wake up to AcAd on the button with a raise and a re-raise in front… I shove… then the unthinkable happens… SB calls, BB calls, original raiser calls, and re-raiser calls… I’m up against KK, QQ, AK, and 7h6h (wtf?)…
flop comes 9h5dJh… I’m drawing to few clean cards at this point… and the turn is ironically the Qh…
river can’t possibly help and I’m eliminated… I write this busto manifesto from my local public library as a warning to even the good poker players… bad **** happens to you when you’re the best player ever to live… look at what happened to Stuey… so anyway now im an alcoholic… im trying to rebuild my roll but to no avail… I lost all my heart with those 2 crippling beats… but I’ll never give up…
PS I realize that i write in a very similar fashion to a guy named king niche on this forum... we also have some of the same issues and **** with out fathers and hatred towards women... i do not intend to look like a copycat but rather to be another example of how the true pokerstars get shafted
To be continued…
Garph:
Cliffs in Comic Form:
Threadsaver:
A few weeks later I went to the track with my degen uncles and watched them donk away hundys trying to class handicap when the beyer numbers were readily available… as were thorough trip
notes their non-idiot friend had compiled… it tilted me so hard. So I go back to the grind that is grade school, flipping coins for dollars against idiot kids, outplaying people for their lunches at pokemon, etc etc. I turn 10 and then I hear my friends talkin about hold em… at this point I’ve read
Brunson’s idiotic super system and felt he was a ******... who the **** shoves with the worst of it and is proud of it? That book was just a ****fest, and I decided to follow my own poker theories that made much more sense… so I decide to play in this donkey
high stakes (5 dorra at age 10 is ****in houses to adults) game of 10 year olds… I make moves on their asses left and right, extract value from my trips after set mining, etc etc… at this point I become a social outcast because I’m just too good and they don’t want
me in their games… I walk to the local Maywood park and sneak in… I’m trying to drown my depression of social rejection by picking some ponies… with my fresh 20 dolla bankroll I decide to place two $10 exactas boxed OTB after digging a DRF outta the trash… both hit obv and Im in bizness… I now have 2 vouchers for a combined 82.10… i have no way to cash it so I find some hobo that is obv busto and ask him to cash them offering him 10 bucks if he does it… I give him 1 voucher at a time first the one for 55.30 and he gives me 40 of it… then he takes the 26.80 one and stiffs me again, giving me only 10… I get really pissed but don’t throw a fit knowing im breaking the law as is… I walk home with my new fiddy dorra bankroll and tell my dad what happened, thinking as a degen gambler he would be proud… as it turns out he doesn’t want me to turn out like him so he lectures me… then I tilt and say I don’t give a **** im a skilled gambler unlike u ya ****in donk…. He says im
gonna teach u a lesson and plays me hu4rollz in some 7stud… first hand I get dealt rolled up 9s and he calls my 4 bet pre… I turn quads like a pro… he has some rags to a straight draw on board… I decide to let him chase it… after 5th st he has 975 showin and its not out of his range hu to call a 4bet with 986… so we raise back and forth until hes all in… he flips his striahgt I show him quads and cry out “justice”… then he gets rly pissed and hits me 4 times with an electrical cord saying
“1 whip for each 9 u *******”… this tilts me hard and I stop gambling for a while… fearing the swift whip of justice. I turn
14 and go off to high school and I find two friends who also like to
gamboool… Kevin and bob so basically we tlak about hold em strat… it turns out bob is some kinda jew tighter than a 12 yr old with an unbroken hymen nit who prolly pfraises QQ+ only and VPIPs with stone nothing… Kevin is a hyperaggro donk who likes to play hands that are looser than whores vaginas… seems like some good partners… we all decide to get jobs flippin cheezburgers to build a combined roll to put on online pokers… after a few weeks we have 600 deposited and decide to play 50+5 sng’s (way outta br but we don’t give a ****)… we try to put our minds together but that motherufkcer nit bob always wants to fold and that ****** maahs keeps teling me to reraise outta position wit 94 offsuit… so we all decide its not
workin and split it 3 ways… 200 each… and decide to split our eventual profits… I pull my weight, playing in the 16 turbos and grind up to 1.5k… the nit bob plays like 2.20s or some **** and plays breakeven poker… and that Kevin idiot has swongs.. up 4k at one point and busto literally 4 NL1000 buyins later… and I get pissed… I give them their split of the profits as promised and continue the grind… variance is a bitch and puts me on megatilt but im able to contain myself to only a 10 bi downswing. At this point I decide to take a break and focus on my studies… that is until the 2 morons come up to me again and tell me they found a pretty juicy live game that I could make ez $$ at… a buncha rich parents buy everything for them suburban jock ****
that thought they were good at hold em were running a 45 man rebuys tourney for $200 buy-in… I get in that **** and play like a master. After 6 hours of the tourney Im the chip leader… the rebuy period is over and im at the final table with an absurd amount (16k) of money in the prize pool… then I get into the biggest pot of my life at that point… I’m in the cutoff with 8d6d and raise 3x the bb…
I get 3 callers… flop comes 9d7d5d and I shart myself… especially when the donkey in the bb bets the pot, utg+2 flats, late position reraises, and all 3 call my shove with AdAh, 9c9s, and JdTd respectively… I rake in a ****ing massive pot and just play tight hold em the rest of the way… at this point I feel like a poke champ, having taken home like 10k from this donkament with a ridic payout structure (10k, 4k, 2k, nothing) I’m rolled for whatever… So anyway some slutty cheerleader chick sees that I have 10k now and decides to gold-dig… being an idiot I take the ez puss figurin shes into me cuz I’m a hot playa etc… she steals 2k off me making me buy her ****… basically I paid 1k to feel each of her tits and **** her (believe me they were nice… but not worth 1k a piece feel-copping)… at this point I become a real misogynist and am tilted into degeneracy… I stop caring about my grades… I 35 the ACT… 2340 the SAT… and graduate with a 2.3 GPA… Only 1 teacher ever really understood me… my not so hot calc teacher… she had a nice ass and some dece titties but her face left a lot t obe desiered… she was the only one to belive in me and told me to follow my dreas… so I end up going to college on some financial aid due to my dad being busto and my mom beng a whore who brought in 0 cash… women truly are usless as Ive always said “women are like pocket jacks they **** u every time” … I go to NIU and meet some more degens who are impressed by my 8k bankroll… I put it all on fulltilt… I start playing some 5/10 wit my 8k bankroll hoping to grind into a shot at the nosebleeds… 6 months later I’m up to 65K. As you may know, I am a true degen with no actual br mgmt skills… I decide to sit down and play ivey heads up. I buy in for 50k at the 500/1000 tables and start grinding… at one point I’m up 12k on this ******… he truly does suck at poker… anyway I eventually get dealt AA and raise… he re-raises, I shove, he calls and flips over KK… flop is QJ2, turn a 7. At this point, I’m dancing around… I’ve pissed myself with
happiness… and then the river comes… the ****ing suicide King… the image of that virtual king stabbing himself leads me to consider suicide… fuming… I find some random asian kid walking the hallway and decide to kick him in the balls… I’m down to 12k after all that work cuz that stupid negro donk ivey calls a shove as an 80-20 dog and hits the ****in river me button… I realize ive been doomswitched and withdraw the 15k
immediately… deciding to take a shot at the main event of the WSOP. I use the 5k spare for travel/hotel and buy-in. After fighting through several hours of day one, I wake up to AcAd on the button with a raise and a re-raise in front… I shove… then the unthinkable happens… SB calls, BB calls, original raiser calls, and re-raiser calls… I’m up against KK, QQ, AK, and 7h6h (wtf?)…
flop comes 9h5dJh… I’m drawing to few clean cards at this point… and the turn is ironically the Qh…
river can’t possibly help and I’m eliminated… I write this busto manifesto from my local public library as a warning to even the good poker players… bad **** happens to you when you’re the best player ever to live… look at what happened to Stuey… so anyway now im an alcoholic… im trying to rebuild my roll but to no avail… I lost all my heart with those 2 crippling beats… but I’ll never give up…
PS I realize that i write in a very similar fashion to a guy named king niche on this forum... we also have some of the same issues and **** with out fathers and hatred towards women... i do not intend to look like a copycat but rather to be another example of how the true pokerstars get shafted
To be continued…
Garph:
Cliffs in Comic Form:
Threadsaver:
Last edited by Alobar; 11-02-2009 at 01:38 PM.
Reason: added paragraphs!
11-02-2009
, 12:21 AM
11-02-2009
, 12:26 AM
11-02-2009
, 12:31 AM
11-02-2009
, 01:41 AM
11-02-2009
, 05:27 AM
11-02-2009
, 08:01 AM
Quote:
lol you BBV scrubs have the attention span of the dumb fat kid in 3rd grade who bullies people into being his friend. I thought OP was pretty good, it needed paragraphs that's for sure but just highlight text as you read it and it's ez mode.
It was as good as king niche, and the ms-paintament at the end is awesome if you've read it.
It was as good as king niche, and the ms-paintament at the end is awesome if you've read it.
