I AM .. .. . ... YOUR GRANDFATHER

Great job OP, posting your name and address.

lol i actully read those emails, you sound about 15 at most...

so what's the problem? your grandfather will help you with this, right?

wat

meh

i don't understand why this wasn't enough for them

You forgot to include your SSN, otherwise a good post.

Might I suggest editing out some of the personal details?

lol...beat me 2 it

lol, what fuqktards imo.

Why do they need to overreact in their templates like that just to make a lame point.

wp

Maybe if you didn't type like a ******* ******

Jonathan,
I'm very disappointed in you. When I caught you rummaging through my home office, I assumed you were looking for my pornographic magazines again. I never would have believed that you were stealing my identity and bank account number to play online poker. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I have to admit I'm a little embarassed as well; I should have known something was amiss. I clearly remember the day a couple years ago when I saw an entry in my online bank statement reflecting a $200 deduction from "Rational Enterprises/San Isidro." I carelessly assumed that this was some sort of nominal administrative fee relating to an Emerging Markets Hedge Fund I had recently invested in. Three days later, there was another $100 deduction with the same designation, and then yet another $55 deduction the following day. In reviewing my bank statements for the past several months, I now see that you were rebuying once or twice a week for amounts ranging from $5 to $299. I will have to discuss a punishment with your mother.

One last thing, and this is difficult. I'm not your grandfather. 14 years ago, I met your mother while she was waiting tables at a 50th birthday party thrown for me by my business associates. One thing led to another, and you were born. I wanted to be involved in your life, but your mother and I knew it would be dangerous, given your father's criminal record. So she concocted a story that I was the long lost father who had abandoned her family before she was born.

I have informed AngelaM from PokerStars that I will not be submitting any identification or signing any papers. I have also faxed them a copy of your birth certificate and instructed them to establish a new account for you on June 22, 2015, your 21st birthday. I will fund this account with $0.02.

Warm Regards,

Poppy

OMG, AWESOME. Best gimmick account ever.

[x] GG OP

Kinda funny, same happened to me - on fulltilt. Played hu against jcmoussa and there were railgays. I asked him something about WSOP, said that im able to play there after 5 more years. So a) there were someone looking the chat or b) railgay mailed them about it.

The real beat here is that im really 16 :E

This "PokerStars treats such chat claims just as airport security treats "jokes" about ombs -- serious and factual until proven otherwise."

Jesus christ. Could you have maybe taken 30 fcken seconds to fix the e-mails so it doesn't look like sht and is almost readable?

God damn...is your idea for a good post just copy and paste some crap and slap it in and say, GOOD LUCK READ'N THAT FCKERS!

I once played at a new, rather small site and complained in the chat about the software; and I got a mail: "I saw you were complaining; what exactly do you want improved?"

They were dead serious, they thought they were very thoughtful and never realized how creepy it actually was.

@ all poker sites - the chat's for the players; keep out! It is none of your business, not even if players use horrible language; those can be put on mute.

I don't understand why you guys instantly assume these are gimmicks. This could be 100% serial.