I don’t get this reference. Is it a German thing? Is that Sammie’s real name?

You are a ****ing bum! Grow up, stop smoking that **** and go look for a job. Idiot

also;

Giant Nelson, that's a funny name for bb team. Ha ha

This is sad.

I think you're wonderful

Is it sad because this means I’m officially an old and there is some well-known meme I am unaware of or sad because I’m not German?

Are you hiring? I would work for you. I am very smrt. Would like to help save the world and I bet you would be the best boss ever.

Having me as your boss would most definitely make you better. You want to be better don't you? I'll see what I can do, we have procjects in the America as well, but I think coming to Denmark would be best for you. Often just getting away from your usual environment is very good for substance abusers such as yourself. I could undoubtedly have a positive impact on your life.

Hi Fister-poker,

I sent you much many IMs in response to your inquiry. Please to enjoy.

I will come to Denmark and leave Murica if you pay my relocation fees and promise to help show me how to save the world and teach me the Danish ways.

I will come with nothing but 1 suitcase and 1 carry-on. Everything else I will give away.

Stamp out my weakness and teach me to be great. And much money will also be made and we will use it to make the world even greater.

Only thing I will bring that is high is my IQ.

I can leave in a week.

I will pay your fees. I will make you a better man. I shall teach you our ways. You will call me Obi-Sam.

I agree to all of that. Let’s do this.

I am fine with meager furnishing but please provide a bed, laptop, wifi, and nice-sized TV.
Any other amenities are of course appreciated but not necessary.

I am not so familiar with the Danish cooking ways, but overall I am a pretty good cook and would also be happy to cook for you.

If you do not like my food I am also willing to learn the Danish way and cook to your exacting specifications.

Is your real name Lars? And if not is one of your neighbor’s names Lars?

I think I told you this before but I used to know a Danish coder named Lars and I hope to run into him again some day.

I think maybe Denmark has always called to me?

My name is Sammy. Lars Ulrich is a close friend of the family. Lars is not a coder. My grandfather used to play tennis with Torben Ulrich and they remained very good friends untill he passed away. Lars was at my grandfathers funeral, we have touched each other many times over the years. Torben is Lars' father, he's in his 90's now. At the age of 47/48 he was ranked #1 in the world for tennis players over 45. I will provide furniture but no TV, you're here to work and better yourself, not to lay on a couch and dummer yourself infront of a screen. Food of my choosing will be provided to you, under no circumstances are you allowed to do any cooking by yourself.

Denmark sounds very hard and strict but I really like Metallica.

I will need a place to seek self pleasure because I assumed I would be unworthy to date Danish women until you determined I was ready.

I agree to all other demands but Americans cannot self pleasure without TV. This is the one and only American comfort I request. When I am ready to pleasure the Danish woman I will throw away the TV.

You have my word as a 2+2 moderator.

Let’s do this.

Also I would like to learn how to gamble like a Danish. I feel my American bets are weak and i even play fantasy sports where men and women wrestle and fight with each other.

I think this is a weakness that you can help turn into a strength, giving me even more ways to help save the world.

Women will be provided by the company. No TV, and that's not up for debate.

edit: no gambling

edit: no porn

Oh sammy now I must think about this I need porn and tv.

It is 6 am here I am weak and sleepy I cannot stay up these long hours like you. This is a very big decision for me and I feel I should hold off on making a final decision until my brain is well-rested. I truly think this will be life-changing.

When I return later I will let you know if I have the strength not to masturbate while in Daneland.

We don't masturbate in my country. You wont go to jail if you do it but it's frowned upon, and you wont make any friends molesting yourself that way. When moving to a new country making friends is important.

Are you coming back punk?

Lets have a dinner in Gariful with hot wives and kids and all this gay stuff you like, we will drink 2 beers and act like grown ups.

We won’t go later out with girlfriends in Carpe Diem.

****ing nerd.

Call me.

Hi, Fran Co.,

I don’t know if you heard but I will soon be a Dane and versed in the European ways.

When i arrive I would also very much like to get together with you and your family and hot wife and Sammy and Mrs. Sammie and the Sammy children.

I do not yet have a hot European wife of my own but I hope to be able to share yours until i am worthy of marrying a Euro girl.

Also I may need a second job and would like to come cook for you on nights and weekends.

Played some drunk spin and goes yesterday.

100$ to 2000$ in 2 hours.

Poker so easy. 1000$ hourly, i might go
Pro.

That is a lot of money. I will work for you for much less.