For my animal, I'm taking perhaps the most adaptable of the big cats. These cats are obligate carnivores,
so they must eat meat each day.

The reason I'm choosing this cat over the more obvious one is that it tends to sneak into villages at night and kill children and adults while sleeping. So now people can't even sleep at night.

"Like the [undrafted], the panther [leopard] sometimes takes to man-eating, and a man-eating panther is even more to be dreaded than a [undrafted] with similar tastes, on account of its greater agility, and also its greater stealthiness and silence. It can stalk and jump, and...can climb better than a [undrafted], and it can also conceal itself in astonishingly meager cover, often displaying uncanny intelligence in this act. A man-eating panther frequently breaks through the frail walls of village huts and carries away children and even adults as they lie asleep."

They will all be man-eating due to lack of other options and humans have no protection other than hand grenades.

These things run 37mph, jump 20 feet horizontally and 10 feet vertically so good luck on your unicycles.

They used to live in Kuwait naturally until all hunted, so will be at home here.

Roster:
Hand Grenades
Everclear
Unicycle
Vlad the Impaler
Osama Bin Laden
Sleeping Disease
Kuwait
Panther/Leopard

Just read through this entire thing. A+ draft.

Best team is obv hoya's. Worst pick imo was the amazing horse song, I've listened to that song for hours on loop voluntarily on multiple occasions.

Ok, here's the write-up on my civilization, as I think everyone gets the point.

I had considered going the route some did, picking a tiny country, going with a tyrannical maniac who enjoyed murder, and arming everyone with a weapon that could just wipeout the entire country if one person used it, but I opted for a more...elegant strategy.

Niger is just hell. Less than 4% arable land. Most of it is desert. What isn't desert is actually becoming desert because of constant drought and over-cultivation. It's landlocked, so no ocean to enjoy or use for fish. It's ranked #4 on the Water Security Risk Index.

Anyone who lives in the desert won't be alive for long. If they do stay in the desert, they will have one terrible existence. The rest will live in the sub-Saharan region because they will think it's more livable. Wrong. They'll have to deal with...



Wait. No. That's not correct.

Mosquitoes. Millions and billions of micro-drones delivering malaria. And the worst kind, the one delivered by the P. falciparum microorganism. Ordinary malaria basically makes you feel like **** - severe flu-like symptoms and alternating chills and fever. My country's strain basically ****s up your brain. And symptoms come on fairly quickly - within a couple weeks.

In the real, modern world, there is no vaccine for malaria. It is treatable, but even with that, more than a million people died from it in 2010 and an estimated 200,000 infants die from it every year. But in this simulation, the people won't even know what malaria is. They'll just be getting bitten by mosquitoes all day and dying. The carnage will be impressive.

Besides, even if malaria didn't exist, don't we hate it when there's tons of mosquitoes around? It sucks.

So now my citizens live in a hell hole and are in agony, dying of malaria. They're pretty upset. Those who "live" in the desert can't accomplish much of anything with their Go-Karts. Those who can use their Go-Karts still can't do much - they aren't very useful for hauling or carrying anything. And they certainly don't protect them from the elements, mosquitoes, or...



Must I remind everyone:

The people of this fake Niger will either stay away from the Cape Buffalo and not ever have meat to eat, or get killed. Simple as that.

Another nice thing about the Go-Karts is that for the people who can use them, they are zippy enough to encourage recklessness. I mean, has anyone who was given a Go-Kart driven in a responsible manner?



And DAT NOISE.

Those who haven't either died or been laid up in bed are likely stressed and depressed. They live in a terrible place, are in constant fear of whatever this disease is that's going around, are covered in itchy bug bites, can't eat meat, can barely grow crops, and have a ****ty, dangerous, vehicle. Bother them and they'll whip out the SONIC DEVASTATOR:



Again, I feel it was no fun to just give everybody a chemical weapon or a nuke, so I gave them something they could carry and, as it's not lethal, they won't be that afraid to use. People won't hesitate, in the mental state they'll be in, to blast each other with this, causing further painful headaches, ear pain, and nausea. The Brown Note is the ultimate goal. Just another misery log on the fire.

Presiding over the anger, depression, and psychological torture will be Jim Jones, who successfully convinced 900+ followers to kill themselves by drinking poisoned Flavor Aid, nicknamed "Jonestown Kool-Aid." Good thing he'll be the leader of this entire country AND everyone will have this same drink at the ready.

If Jim Jones could get theoretically happy people to kill themselves, just imagine how easily he could do that when he's the leader of an entire country of people who already want to die?

And on top of that, Dr. Kevorkian will be spreading his gospel, that it is totally ok to end your suffering with grape Flavor Aid. He'll even help. The synergies there couldn't be better.

And then, if Jones or Kevorkian aren't convincing enough, the rest will probably just want to drink it all down, anyway.

Finally, for those who still manage to make it through everything, they'll have to survive this, a song which literally explodes brains:

To get back to the main objective of this draft, I think Vatican Hell and Taipan Island are the best. All of these are ****ing abhorrent places that are unlivable, but these places should see human life cease earliest.

First, I think small size is really critical. I don't think the starting population calculation method was given, but I would assume it is something like a fixed population density or something. Even if it wasn't, it just means way too ****ing many people in tiny places with horrible blights and death and conflict around every corner.

The Vatican is just so egregiously small. Human life is basically depending on one small pod of people surviving and avoiding the wolves and all that and successfully getting enough food to survive.

Taipan Island is just an uninhabitable wasteland that can't persist if cutoff from the outside world, which this contest implies is the case. With no food, drinkable water, shelter, etc (and a lot of ****ing Taipans), there just isn't much hope of people lasting long.

Some of these other places will see loads of death, but humans will live on in pathetic and miserable fashion for quite a while.

While categories like "song" are overtly useless, ones like leader/reformist were also terrible because they will probably take years to have a really huge impact on population. The two aforementioned places will be wiped out by then.

Damn, I was considering the panther, but my research seemed to indicate they weren't as aggressive toward humans as I wanted in my animal

There have been plenty of man-eating panthers and they MUST eat meat so will turn to humans immediately to get their food in this scenario


I agree that Hoya and Vatican countries will die faster, which was stated goal of draft, but I decided to have my citizens die a little slower and be more scarred in the process.

My people will be hot, thirsty, and starving while trying to avoid vlad the impaler, terrorist attacks, landmines, drunk unicyclists and man-hunting panthers. If they manage to find a way to survive that then they have to worry about the very devastating and underrated Sleeping Sickness getting them. 1/3 of those will die while the rest will be psychotic and armed with hand grenades.


I hardly think the song choice matters, but I'll choose something just to finish up the draft.

Crap, maybe I should have drafted them then. I'll have to do a little research and come back with either a carnivorous predator large enough to destroy a Ford Pinto or some kind of stinging insect.

Can't do insect or arachnid

Has to have some meat

I really wanted STA, who has nuke guns, to choose this song:



Would be such an epic troll to his people.

I also hoped Holdem, owner of Vatican City, chose this infamously bad repetitive piece of **** song about how tiny his world is:



Anybody who went to DisneyWorld and rode this ride had this song in their head for 5-10 years afterwards. **** THIS SONG IN THE ASS.

Is there a spreadsheet anywhere?

spreadsheet

nath with a really good first pick

Lsd in water would be ****ing awesome

Wolves are good for the environment

Rest of the draft is a troll?

Yall missed Nero as the GOAT WOAT leader

Damn, I really wanted something that people would mistake for a Cisco-induced hallucination.

I can't take credit for it; I'm just cleaning up after RAIDS.

It's Sunday evening. Everyone has had ample time to make their last pick.

**I'm opening the floodgates to the thread**

Feel free to post UNDRAFTEDS and list an expansion team if you want.

Whenever the guy picked rabies and wolves I started picturing someone getting attacked by a rabid wolf and heaving Sinatra sing "My Way" or something. Started cracking up at that thought. "I did it myyyyy ARF ARF ARF GRRRRRRR Wayyyyyyy GRRRR ARRR ARRRF!"

Was hoping we'd see more creativity with the songs but most people just picked super annoying stuff.

For animal I had it narrowed down to monkeys (flu), ferrets (flu) and just plain ol' rats.

For reformist I had a bunch of crazy guys. Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Gary Ridgway (the Green River Killer), Rodney Alcala, Richard Ramirez. lol

For songs I considered the following:

Don't Worry, Kyoko by Yoko Ono
It's a Small world after all
What a wonderful world
I did it my way
I'm blue by Eiffel 65
Macarena
Barbie Girl by Aqua
Hey Ya by Outkast
Afternoon delight
It's Friday Rebecca Black
It's raining men
I'm too sexy for my shirt
I will survive
the final countdown by Europe (I was basically gonna pick this until the last minute)
faith no more Epic
rollins band liar
institutionalized suicidal tendencies

Round 9, Pick #93:



"You can't drink a $5 bill hold them"

You're right, but that $5 bill can get you this



I can't really describe the hangover that this stuff causes, but it's epic. In the worst ****ing way possible. Absolutely horrendous.

These people will be experiencing the worst hangovers of their lives and Nyan Cat will be playing non-stop in the background.

Nothing like getting the hopes of my people up by giving them alcohol and it turns out to be a five ****ing dollar bottle of champagne







Apparently Cold Duck was invented in Detroit.

That explains everything

Civilization:

Country - Vatican City
Song - Nyan Cat
Leader - Mao Zedong
Social reformist - Saddam Hussein
Chemical Weapon - Cyclosarin
Disease/bacteria - Flesh eating bacteria (Necrotizing fasciitis)
Animal - Golden Poison Dart Frog
Drink - Andre Cold Duck Champagne (750ml bottle)
Vehicle - Screw propelled thing

Fuuuu arc posting undrafteds I was gonna pick

Just list your damn team.

On my phone so bear with me. There's only one song that's appropriate for Taipan Island.

Imagine, you are born miraculously from the ether, the world your oyster. You have dreams and wishes, hopes, fears. Perhaps you'll meet someone to love. Perhaps they'll meet you. Maybe you have a gift for music, or math. It may be your fate to change the course of humanity.

You have a life. That is special.

Then you get dumped onto this ****ing miserable island where everyone has smallpox, where deadly snakes bite everyone for no reason, where Idi Amin casually murders people and lets the bodies obscure the shore, where Shoko Asahara keeps releasing VX Gas in public areas, where F1 cars constantly strew shrapnel into pedestrians, and where the few living are addicted to DRANK.

You have the miracle of life, and you wind up on ****ing Taipan Island. You're doomed.

Think if the bitterness, the hopelessness, the cruel cosmic joke ravaging your soul.

You know what would really rustle my jimmies if that happened to me? Having to hear this, constantly.



I'd just kill myself. It's too cruel.

Never Gonna Give You Up would also have been good for anybody. Probably way too upbeat though.

Midway through this draft I thought of some more items we could have drafted.

1. Sports franchise. This could make the places too nice, though. At least for the 10 teams that can't pick the Cleveland Browns. I mean people get through life rooting for ****ty teams all the time so it's not much of a drop-off and is probably better than the alternative of "probably no sports".

2. A scent. The place smells like this scent constantly. Outside of major mustard gas attacks, of course. Ultimately I'm not sure there are enough readily known bad scents for this to have worked out well. We all know sulphur smells like **** but I can't think of many other things besides descriptive stuff like "raw meat kept in a pressurized package left out in 100 degree weather for days" (this happened to me and was by far the worst smell I've ever smelled).

3. TV program. We're all stuck watching Nancy Grace or whatever and that's it.

4. Commercial. Any time you are in public and there is an A-V ad, it's going to be this commercial no matter what. No other industries on the island can advertise in public.

5. A moral code phrase "Do what thou wilt", etc. Probably lame but it was a thought. I figured we could invent our own, too. Just something everyone kinda blindly agrees with like "Poke thy neighbor with thine contaminated syringe", etc.

But after 9 rounds we've kinda reached noticeable diminishing returns, I think.

Most of the good leaders have been taken, but I have a few good picks.



ICP - "Miracles"

Studies show repeated listening to this group will cause insanity and IQ levels <70. Plus, hearing them rap about "miracles" is gonna be mega annoying given all the death and destruction going on.



Weapon: Smart Land Mine. People will be walking around in fear. It's the element of surprise and sheer terror not knowing your next step will rip off your arm/leg or will be spent wondering how ****ing magnets work.

I am FURIOUS that daniel didn't pick this for his music:



I had it all planned out. I was going to have my people driving around in Go-Karts with flamethrowers with this music playing constantly.

But then I got sniped.

Bleh, was out of town the last 4 days, only came on the PC this morning to stream football: I'll post my leader tomorrow at some point with a final write up. Still not sure if I want to go for an ultra deadly tyrant to oppose Stalin or more a comic/incompetent choice.

This was a lot of fun to do in my spare time, good stuff ARC.

For my country, my close second choice was Uzbekistan, which is double landlocked, covered in crapland, and also ranks high on the ****ed water list, but I decided that some areas were actually too nice.

Greenland was another consideration because so little of it is actually livable, but the coasts seemed relatively nice if you can deal with the cold and there is plenty of fishing. Definitely considered Vatican City and some tiny countries, but just decided to go with a "real" country. Personal preference

I did almost pick unicycle before Nicholas, but thought Go-Karts would be a little more fun to envision. I wanted something with a motor.

I also considered Marshall Applewhite over Jim Jones, but liked how Jones controlled more people.

Was going to go with cheetah until the last second, when I found the cape buffalo. Also, people have actually been able to domesticate cheetahs, which I could have in this scenario.

****, should've just gone with "random juggalo" as the leader.