MNF: Bears @ Jets
09-21-2014
, 09:54 PM
It's been a rough, rough week for the NFL. Domestic violence galore, Keystone Kops cover-ups that belong in rural schoolboards rather than a well-oiled ATM machine like the National Football League, the city of Baltimore, and ROG.
Thankfully, we have these two upstanding gentlemen to present the game of football to us.
One of them is the face of a C-grade restaurant serving D-grade food that parades women with F-grade boob jobs around half-naked. The other is a drunken poonhound who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "no":
But I digress. Let's get into it mayne.
First up, the visiting team.
Their coach:
DEAL WITH IT
Marc Trestman, aka 1. Trestman aka Canadian Chilly aka Canadian Bacon. Has there ever been a greater in-game upgrade than the Bears going from Lovie to Trestman? If the Bears ever punted from the opponent's territory down double-digits I'd expect the camera to pan over to the sidelines and see Trestman disembowling himself on live TV. He's not about that punt lyfe. Oh, and speaking of the Bucs, note Josh McCown turning back into a pumpkin. LOL Lovie, forever and ever. I only stress this topic because there are roughly a few thousand drooling ******s in the Chicago area who would instantly trade Trestman for Lovie. First I thank my lucky stars that our front office is smarter than that. Then I imagine having my entire fanbase made up of these fools, and I guess that's what it's like being a Ravens fan.
His daughters are also hot.
Speaking of hot: you might say the Bears' QB is
SMOKIN'
(and not just because he torched the 49ers for 4 TDs last week. hope you've enjoyed that diet rich in dicks, niners fans)
Remember when Bill Barnwell said the best WR duo in the league was D. Thomas/Welker? loooooooooooooooooool
LOOK AT THIS MOTHER ****ING BEAST
LOOK AT HIM
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED
This preview is pretty light on the Bears D/ST. Managed to find a picture of them:
Kyle Fuller's pretty good though.
On to the home team. These guys are so lucky the Raiders and Jags are around, otherwise they'd be the biggest joke of a franchise in sports. Their self-appointed "superfan" threw a hissy fit and quit. Then the Jets begged him to come back and he told them to gtfo because they're the Jets. They signed Tebow. They have the buttfumble. They also have the walking patient zero known as TradeOC.
The New York Jets.
Jets fans are amazing. Every year in Week 1 these clowns pack the bars and you can just see how ignorant they are to the emotional dick-smacking they're going to take. It's like going back in time and watching people board the Titanic.
Rex is cool tho.
I ****ing hate Geno Smith. Seriously, look how cocky this mother****er is:
This guy's ego is in the stratosphere for no reason at all. Week 1 of last year, he got late-hitted into FG range after doing absolute ****-all the entire game. Then he stood on the sideline and had one of his teammates brush off his shoulders like he actually did something. Last week he took advantage of Cheddar Chilly's incompetence to take a lead to the half against GB. I honestly expected him to come out of the tunnel for the 2nd in a sedan chair carried by Eric Decker.
But Geno's Geno. This is what Jets fans look like watching him play:
I honestly can't think of a single Jets skill position player besides Cop Speed. So no pictures.
They do have one advantage over the Bears, though.
Jets -2.5.
Take the Bears. See you tomorrow night.
Thankfully, we have these two upstanding gentlemen to present the game of football to us.
One of them is the face of a C-grade restaurant serving D-grade food that parades women with F-grade boob jobs around half-naked. The other is a drunken poonhound who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "no":
Quote:
The first Tirico story involves him hitting on a woman and stalking her after a house party in fall 1992. The woman was a production assistant and "considered an up-and-coming talent," and Tirico went up to her at the party and said "you're the most beautiful woman in here." She walked away, but he kept following her around the party until she finally snapped, "Why don't you **** off? Get away from me." As she and friends hopped in their car and pulled out of the party, Tirico stepped in front of the car and made the woman stop. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I think I'm in love with you," Tirico said. She tried to roll up her window and take off, but Tirico stuck his hand in and tried to wedge it between her thighs. She got away, and the next morning, when they saw each other in the ESPN parking lot, he walked up to her, and she expected him to apologize. Instead, he said, "all I did all day was think about you."
In another story, one female producer — who had been to dinner with Tirico and his fiancee — was startled to receive an email from him saying that he wanted to sleep with her. Later, when the staff went to a bar after a late night covering the NCAA tournament, Tirico approached her and said, "I wish I was single. If I were, I'd throw you on the table right here and **** your brains out." After she tried to excuse him as drunk, he persisted: "I know you want to screw me. So let's leave." Later, he followed her on the highway and tried to get her to pull over, unsuccessfully.
In another story, one female producer — who had been to dinner with Tirico and his fiancee — was startled to receive an email from him saying that he wanted to sleep with her. Later, when the staff went to a bar after a late night covering the NCAA tournament, Tirico approached her and said, "I wish I was single. If I were, I'd throw you on the table right here and **** your brains out." After she tried to excuse him as drunk, he persisted: "I know you want to screw me. So let's leave." Later, he followed her on the highway and tried to get her to pull over, unsuccessfully.
First up, the visiting team.
Their coach:
DEAL WITH IT
Marc Trestman, aka 1. Trestman aka Canadian Chilly aka Canadian Bacon. Has there ever been a greater in-game upgrade than the Bears going from Lovie to Trestman? If the Bears ever punted from the opponent's territory down double-digits I'd expect the camera to pan over to the sidelines and see Trestman disembowling himself on live TV. He's not about that punt lyfe. Oh, and speaking of the Bucs, note Josh McCown turning back into a pumpkin. LOL Lovie, forever and ever. I only stress this topic because there are roughly a few thousand drooling ******s in the Chicago area who would instantly trade Trestman for Lovie. First I thank my lucky stars that our front office is smarter than that. Then I imagine having my entire fanbase made up of these fools, and I guess that's what it's like being a Ravens fan.
His daughters are also hot.
Speaking of hot: you might say the Bears' QB is
SMOKIN'
(and not just because he torched the 49ers for 4 TDs last week. hope you've enjoyed that diet rich in dicks, niners fans)
Remember when Bill Barnwell said the best WR duo in the league was D. Thomas/Welker? loooooooooooooooooool
LOOK AT THIS MOTHER ****ING BEAST
LOOK AT HIM
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED
This preview is pretty light on the Bears D/ST. Managed to find a picture of them:
Kyle Fuller's pretty good though.
On to the home team. These guys are so lucky the Raiders and Jags are around, otherwise they'd be the biggest joke of a franchise in sports. Their self-appointed "superfan" threw a hissy fit and quit. Then the Jets begged him to come back and he told them to gtfo because they're the Jets. They signed Tebow. They have the buttfumble. They also have the walking patient zero known as TradeOC.
The New York Jets.
Jets fans are amazing. Every year in Week 1 these clowns pack the bars and you can just see how ignorant they are to the emotional dick-smacking they're going to take. It's like going back in time and watching people board the Titanic.
Rex is cool tho.
I ****ing hate Geno Smith. Seriously, look how cocky this mother****er is:
This guy's ego is in the stratosphere for no reason at all. Week 1 of last year, he got late-hitted into FG range after doing absolute ****-all the entire game. Then he stood on the sideline and had one of his teammates brush off his shoulders like he actually did something. Last week he took advantage of Cheddar Chilly's incompetence to take a lead to the half against GB. I honestly expected him to come out of the tunnel for the 2nd in a sedan chair carried by Eric Decker.
But Geno's Geno. This is what Jets fans look like watching him play:
I honestly can't think of a single Jets skill position player besides Cop Speed. So no pictures.
They do have one advantage over the Bears, though.
Jets -2.5.
Take the Bears. See you tomorrow night.
09-21-2014
, 10:45 PM
09-21-2014
, 11:06 PM
09-21-2014
, 11:14 PM
09-21-2014
, 11:53 PM
09-21-2014
, 11:56 PM
09-21-2014
, 11:58 PM
09-22-2014
, 12:06 AM
09-22-2014
, 01:18 AM
09-22-2014
, 04:21 AM
09-22-2014
, 08:20 AM
