I only read the first paragraph but I'm guessing it's the woman.

I saw "The situation." bolded and underlined. I didn't read anything else. My money is on OP being the "douch".

useless without pics?

Yes, really. I'm not that easy to offend and that would have made me feel as if my bf's friends viewed me as desperate. I would feel humiliated. I wouldn't give my bf **** about it as it wasn't his fault, but I would decide that his friend was an ass.

It is different if one of my friends makes a joke like that vs one of his friends. It's a huge difference.

I also suspect based on your tone that you basically DO think this girl isn't good enough for him and I wouldn't be surprised if she picked up on it. Just because she's an over-reacting hyperventilating drama queen doesn't mean she's completely oblivious.

On the scale of assery this is like a 3. I guess promiscuity/desperation is an insult that hits a little too close to home for some girls (as in they've dealt with these taunts before... I don't mean that they're whores) but that doesn't excuse this reaction.

In the LC thread I mentioned that I recently told my best friend's current ****buddy that I mushroom-stamped her mother on her facebook wall. Being called a bar rape-asaur probably isn't as bad as that.

You are a douche and she is crazy.

i think she really wants you

You mean like the girls that have fights with their bf because they are insecure about how he feels about them? Those girls?

Good job OP didn't say that to one of those girls. Otherwise it would have been him making fun of her publicly for something he already knows she is insecure about.

Oh, wait.

Turn it around. What if you're having lunch with your girlfriend and 3 friends of hers and you pay for lunch and one of them (one that you suspect doesn't like you very much) makes a crack about "totally whipped guys that always pay for everything." Then she says, "Not you, obviously!" You laugh it off and say "HEY, ME CAVE MAN, I PAY FOR GIRL PERSON." And she then follows it with, "oh, yeah, [cracks whip] that's when you KNOW you've got it good, when whipped boy thinks it's HIS idea..."

Yeah, if you're a normal person you let it go and don't make a big deal out of this. But don't tell me you're not going to think she's a bitch.

women absolutely hate being perceived/made to feel like sluts. Like this is girl psychology 101.

Honestly, I 100% think that is a perfectly acceptable conversation. I've no doubt had similar in the past, and think that kind of banter is not only normal but enjoyable.

I do take your other point though, and in the post above.

This thread is really interesting, because its demonstrated the complete disconnect between people who think "wtf, thats not even an insult" to others who see it as pretty rude, which matches what happened with me and andy in the former and eve and her friends in the latter.

That said, there's a broad consensus that she has majorly over-reacted, no matter how insulting it was.

I'm going to apologise and see if I can make things right. Think a facebook message may be the way to go. It will no doubt be much more sincere after this thread than it would have been otherwise. But if she doesnt accept it, I'm not too fussed, reckon me and Andy will still be cool.

you didnt cross the line I make jokes like this all the time. She is the one that needs to eat ****. She's insecure. I dont deal with people who have their panties in a bunch. If anything I would apologize to your friend for causing a problem in his relationship. But I would never apologize to some one else who has crossed the line and curses at you for makinf a tiny joke. What a whiney bitch. **** hoes like that. and if your friend doesnt see it that way then he is pussy wooped and he needs to go through whatever he is going to go through. But I would still apologize to the friend. You dont owe the crazy bitch any sort of apology. And I dont think 99% of women would get offended by this

So have I and so have most people I imagine. I guess what I was trying to convey is that the feelings you have about each other matter the most. Banter like that is funny when you all get along great and are close and there's no hint that any of you believe it even a little. When somebody doesn't like you or you don't know them very well, or you think that they might actually believe what they are saying or you think that they MAY not like you, it takes on a different undertone, especially if it's someone that is very close to your significant other.

That said if she's still pissed after this:

then I wouldn't worry either. She's certainly not entitled to anything more than a sincere apology.

Maybe you should stop doing this?

Some people are much more sensitive than others. You can't think just because you perceive something as harmless that others should perceive it that way also. This is like making a sexual joke at work and a woman saying she's uncomfortable with it and you say "it's no big deal it's just a joke". Well, trust me when I tell you, Human Resources won't think it's a joke.

What I'm trying to say is that if you keep having this problem happen to you, maybe the problem is you. I'm not saying it to come down on you, I'm saying it so that maybe you can see something you aren't seeing.

The girl sounds like a looney, but you're the one who screwed up, you should apologize to both of them (sounds like your friend wasn't offended though) If she can't accept it, so be it, don't speak to her like that again and just be civil when you see her.

Agreed, I'm trying to be self-aware, which I why I included that in the OP. FWIW, I'm completely different at work, and if anything go too far the other way and avoid jokes which would be absolutely fine.

Also, I'm not talking like I offend people every couple of months, I can just think of a couple of examples in the last 4-5 years.

In personal relationships, like with my friends, I think being overly direct has its advantages. It kind of screens out crazies who are over-sensitive, and it helps build much more honest and comfortable relationships than most other people have. People never worry about what I think about them, because they know I'd tell them if I had an issue. It kind of establishes the rules up front that this is how I roll, so I've got some friends where I can say things to them that no-one else can get away with. However VR's point is pertinent here, when friends know you like them, jokes are completely different to when someone who might not be sure what you think of them or know you that well.

Also, a tactic to screen out crazies is no good if you cant actually de-select them when you identify them...

meh, dont worry about this
also you arent being a dbag

AW

I think the girl is over sensitive, but you still definitely douched it up with that joke.

You should apologize to her for sure and probably to him as well. I would call her rather than messaging her on facebook. I think a verbal apology will be more sincere.

there's two types of girls: those who will call you out for being an ******* in spots like this, and those who will hate you for it secretly. you were way outta line.

Making a joke at any girl's expense, particularly a joke about sluttishness is always super dangerous unless you know them extremely well and have a good history together (ie; of teasing each other frequently or of being a group of friends who does so).

That being said, she's also obviously insane and you don't like her anyway so I'd just ignore the whole situation. If your buddy brings it up I'd just make that "Ktch" sound for when someone's whipped.

Bolded is huge. Like the first half of OP is the dude explaining why he hates his friend's GF. I'm guessing she knows that.

It's not a slut thing, imo, it's that a girl who is ALREADY INSECURE about her BF and who probably already thinks you are "working to turn Andy" against her, making jokes like that getting confirmation of her fears.

Your little joke about her being out of Andy's league could be perceived as sarcasm, especially after the velociraptor joke. Especially since that was 8 months ago!

INTERIOR EVE'S BRAIN

Eve: [OMG if I let Andy hang out with OP I'm sure OP will try to tell my Andy that I'm not good enough for him. And then maybe he'll try to set Andy up with a new girl? Oh no!]

Also the solution to your problem is to set Andy up with a better GF.

QFT

OP is a douche, regardless of Eve's craziness.

Man, Im conflicted. I think OP is probably in the wrong here, but whatever, as long as your buddy isnt pissed, it isnt a big deal, you arent a douche, but you are wrong.


I have a group of 6 friends that I grew up with, and we are all like family, 99% of their long term girlfriends, I got along great with, and would rip on mercilessly w/ some pretty mean stuff (being slutty, fat, buzz kill etc), and they all reciprocated awesomely (cockblocking, trying to hook me up with dudes, slipping tampons in my shirt pocket etc), kind of a hazing if nothing else (after i got to know them obv). One of these guys is currently dating a 22 year old, acts like she is 16, but thinks she is 30, insecure, scandalous pain in the ass (a hot waitress who thinks she is owed the world because of her looks). I tried treating her like I do my other friends GFs...not a good idea, she is just too stupid/immature or just a bitch to understand the humor, even though when we all hang out I treat all the girls the same, she is the one that usually has to get drunk and cause drama and take it personally, rather then coming up with some wicked burns. If you know this about the girl, you are a douche for saying something like that, if you didn't know how she was (it seems you did though) its not that big of a deal. In the future though, you will be a douche/bad friend if you say anything out of line, or treat her any different then you would a co-worker (as thats what mode I default to w/ people like this, arms length, no jokes, treat them superficially and only use small talk) after all you dont want to cause your buddy any mroe headaches then he is already having to deal with

OP seems to be one of those guys who makes "jokes" that are kind of passive aggressive, and then expects people to not call him on it because he's only kidding around.

Everybody knows the difference between goofing around as opposed to taking shots at someones perceived weaknesses. OP, you said up front in your first post that you know the girl is insecure and so forth. You then went on to tell a supposedly "lighthearted" joke that really cut to the core of her fears. That she was below her bf in status and that she chased him and pursued him, which for a chick is kind of humiliating.

Now the culture of TwoPlusTwo is going to be such that most will say this chick is crazy biatch and so forth. Which she probably is. But that doesn't change the fact that you sound like someone who uses humor to make subtle attacks on other people. Most folks will laugh or give it back to you, but my guess is that you do stuff like this a lot and it's actually just passive aggressive bull****.

As I've gotten older I no longer pretend to laugh at crap like that when it's at my expense. I just do what I like to call the "stone face" where I look at the offending jokester with not even a hint of a smile and make it clear that I don't find them funny in the least. The insecure idiot (these passive aggressive jokesters are usually the most insecure of anyone) will get uncomfortable because I'm not laughing along with them, and move on to easier targets.

BTW, as others have pointed out, your joke was actually a comedic statement of your true feelings about her. You say she took it too seriously, except that she actually just took it at face value. And that's the correct move on her part, because you DID in fact mean what you said. So how exactly was this a joke, again?

^ Solid post.