Install Hiya on your smartphone. They keep a database of spammers and scammers and will block many of those BS calls.

Literalits

Grammar Nazis that can't spell.

She's a classic back-and-forth for me. The lips are amazing, but then moving up the face she reminds me of Shelly Duvall and it goes limp. But then I look again and yeah she's hot... and now she's getting chased by Jack Nicholson... or worse made up like Olive Oyl... but those lips...

Literally every single soda machine I have ever seen has a 'water' button and a 'soda' button..

Lol, this group is made for each other.

In my experience, it's only about 75%. You ain't been around.

Because when you're backing the wheels doing the steering are at the back you can manoeuvre in a tighter area. I agree though, if the car park is big enough to manoeuvre so you can drive straight in that's much easier, plus the boot (trunk) is better placed for loading.

that is a crazy spelling of maneuver.

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British English mother****er, do you speak it?

When you park off on your own well away from other vehicles at a mall or grocery store or wherever and you come out and there is some ******* parked beside you with 10 open spaces on either side.

For me it's when I get out of work late and the only other car on my floor is the same car I had to squeeze out of my door to avoid dinging when I arrived. He's getting dinged this time for sure.

Those sweatshirts that say "Detroit vs. Everybody" or "Baltimore vs. Everybody"

British TV shows. Apparently I left my cable box on a PBS channel. So now every time I turn the TV on or finish watch a show on DVR, I'm thrust into some dark, dreary talking scene.

Talking in an office about some nuanced drama I guess, but you'd never know it from the tone. Talking in a pub over a proper pint - but again drearily lit and talking in the same tone.

Now something called The Coroner is on, and they've even managed to make an interrogation scene dreary, slow-paced and boring. That takes talent.

Reminds me of Eddie Izzard talking about British period pieces:

[man 1 enters room]

Man 1: Oh... I'm sorry. Have I disturbed you?

Man 2: No... I was just sorting matches.

Man 1: Oh.

[pregnant pause]

Man 1: I better leave then.

Man 2: Yes. I think you shall.

Aaaaand scene.

Wait wait drudge siren. There's a female character. This is not a drill. Female on set. She's a 3.5 by OOT standards, which makes her a British TV - 17.5.

And now they're making jokes. WTF! They save all that **** for female characters I guess. Do British men never joke unless a woman is around?

And now another older woman is almost on the verge of tears. HOLD ON TO YOURSELF WOMAN! I realize you just watched your husband die in a fire that you accidentally set a few hours ago. But that's no reason to lose your composure. Come on now. Stiff upper lip.

And now we have awkward teenagers and 50-year-olds running and a slow boat chase. Not sure if my heart can take this much action. Whew - now everyone is talking again on a big slow, drearily-lit boat. Back in the comfort zone.

I gotta admit the OOT 3.5 is growing on me. She's a British Mira Sorvino.

I see they learned the classic lesson: of Murder She Wrote, Colombo, Quincy, and every other American who-dun-it from the 70s to 90s - always confront the potential killer, preferably alone and on their turf, announce that you know they did and you're going to the police. I mean that's just common sense.

I need a translator for this one dude. And of course now he's confronting the corrupt coroner, on his turf, with tons of sharp implements within reaching distance. Let's see how this goes... OH WOW - the corrupt coroner tried to make a run for it and the cops were waiting right outside the door. Did not see that coming.

I keep wondering why Charles Howell III's parents didn't name him Thurston.

Nobody in the store is paid enough to give a ****, so go ahead and pilfer a glass of Pepsi if that is your thing.

I don't drink that sugary **** and I don't pilfer, I walk the razor's edge between theft and free value, pal.

The manager I am actually pals with gave me a free soda cup because my wife told her it was my birthday. I filled it with unflavored soda water.

The word protein

Im sick of hearing about the stuff, if it were not so damn essential I'd give the **** up

I agree, protein tilts the fk of me. Fibre is where it's all at.

People who lose their **** every time they see a label that says 'gluten free'.

What do you care what other people don't eat?

Just more gluten for you, right?

I believe it's called the English spelling.

I think most people that have a visceral reaction to 'gluten free' have been subjected to that super soul-sucking 20 year old girl who makes a huge deal about insisting on special gluten free food because she doesn't like the way that the glutens makes her feel, but then snarfs down a cupcake because well, she loves cupcakes and it had pink frosting so she JUST HAD TO.

I know an early adopter of the gluten free craze who was always, always bragging about how he lost a ton of weight after cutting out gluten even though he eats as much as he wants and doesn't exercise. Because being fat was all a gluten allergy. He was especially vocal after a few shots of ciroc vodka that is made from potatoes not grain so he has to drink it so please don't anyone else drink it because he can't have the other liquor because gluten so set it aside why is it mixed with the other bottles again?

As non and low gluten options became more plentiful and he had more foods to consume again, in the beer and dessert categories specifically, he gained the weight back.

I wouldn't say I'm happy about it, but I wouldn't say I'm unhappy.