Spot on. Probably not going to work out, but it doesn't sound like you have much to lose. Pack your stuff and move.

Have you seen any evidence of her not being allowed into UK or are you just taking her word for it?

I have a feeling that this is going to be another one of those advice threads where 90% of the replies say one thing and the OP will ignore that and continue to do what he wants anyway...

I'm in a relationship that was long distance for 3 years. The intention was always for me to move to him once I finished school, but when I finished last May, the economy had tanked. Since I'm dependent on my job for income and he wasn't, he ended up moving to me. This required an adjustment of thinking on both of our parts (and a bit of last-minute abject terror for both of us), so I understand a bit where you're coming from. It's been about 6 months now, and mostly, it's been even more wonderful than I'd imagined or expected.

Of course, people like Pongo and I weren't facing the additional issues that you are as far as citizenship, visas, work permits, etc. I'm imagining that you have at least some potential for employment here, though, since you worked stateside for a summer.

Warning: Random, jumbled thoughts ahead…

You’ve been a little vague on the emails, but given the content I think you found, I would tend to agree with you that she’s probably confessed everything that there was to that interaction. Still, it’s concerning that when it came down to it, she went outside the relationship for answers when she had doubts, instead of trying to solve those doubts inside the relationship. Although I think that was at least partly driven by the fact that you guys had agreed to talk less often which I think you already know was a mistake. If you really want a future with her, you need to let this go…not let go like, “I’m not going to mention it any more” but let go like, “I really believe that this is a non-issue and shouldn’t have any weight in my decision to move there or not.” If you can’t do that, you probably shouldn’t move.

I don’t quite get the reactions of the people that are saying “are you REALLY SURE she’s barred from entering the country???” Given that you were actually at the airport where she was interrogated, this seems like a strange suspicion. That said, I can’t imagine that she’s got no chance of returning to the UK if this is really all they have against her. Have you two explored the appeal process?

If she absolutely can’t come to you, she’s right to end it if you coming to her is not going to happen. It’s painful but a decision that one of you needs to make. Keep in mind that she was prepared to move for you. If you’re not prepared to move for her, than let her go. If you love her with all your heart and believe that she loves you with all of hers, than go. You can always go home, but you’re not always going to have this opportunity.

[henry17] Graduated college? She's way too old and motivated, move on.[/henry]

This is definitely true, too. Husband and I broke up once after him moving to be with me, and he almost moved back home, before we got back together and got married. Building an everyday kind of relationship out of a long distance relationship is a lot of work. Keep that in mind.

Imo the things to consider

-You're young and not tied to a job, etc. so now's the time to do something like this if you're gonna do it

- On the other hand you're young and there's plenty of girls to meet/date/bang in your lifetime

-You better be very outgoing if you this, bc you're instantly dependent on her for your satisfaction once you get to the US. You're going to have to find your own friends, hobbies, etc otherwise you'll just be needy and ****

- Also seeing as it wasn't your initial plan, you're going to have to live with the fact that you chose this, and not be spiteful that you're in a place you didn't necessarily want to be. If you're going to bitch and complain when/if you can't find a job, she isnt spending time with you, etc etc. don't bother.

Cliffs: go get laid then decide if you're just chasing some tail, or if this is someone worth completely altering your life for

And which end of the spectrum has 90% of the answers? Seems quite evenly divided.

Fail.

"i'd love to be with you, but i'm just not sure it's a good idea right now because i don't want to actually do anything to make that happen. i'm going to try to see if i can find someone better that lives closer, if that doesn't work i will let you know."

pretty sure trying to date other women to "figure it out" *is* making a decision...

Who said anything about 'dating'?

I have just ended a 15 month relationship because it was too hard long distance. When I say long distance, we are both in the UK so its pretty easy to see each other in comparision to you. We have been long distance for the last 5 months. Up until last month I thought we could get through anything and would be with each other for a very long time.

She told me last month that she had kissed another guy and she was confused about her feelings. Like you, I believed that it was only a kiss and I still do today. We tried to make it work after that but the trust wasn't there and we broke up just recently.

My point is, if you can get through similar stuff over 18 months on the other side of the world then you can get though anything. You should be doing anything in your power to have shot at the relationship or you will regret it for the rest of ur life.

To everyone who has responded seriously, regardless of the actual advice, thank you.

I am sorry I don't have more to add right now, I will do once I have had a chance to process my thoughts. I will say though that the long distance success stories itt are definitely nice to hear and are reassuring amongst all the noise and blind skepticism.

Also, just to clarify, I am talking to my gf about my concerns and worries and possible solutions as well, not just expressing them here 'behind her back' itt.

Seriously?

(this is in response to the entire thread, not just your most recent post, OP)

Please elaborate..

Grunching for the much of it, however, I agree with Henry's post for the most part.

Either move to neutral ground or discuss marriage in the US. Long term, long distance won't last.

Sounds like one of those situations where either way you'll end up regretting it. Relationships have a high failure rate to begin with, and the whole sphere
of legal and logistical issues as well as a potential trust issue just skew the odds that much further in the wrong direction. Not to mention the limited amount of time you've actually been together, in one another's presence. On the other hand, there are few regrets as consuming as 'the one that got away'.

If you move and it fails, you're out a good bit of time and money, but you can go back to the homeland into the same situation you've got now without too much lost. If you stay and can't find a suitable replacement, you're spending the rest of your life with regret, wondering what if. Just based on that, I think the only play is to take the plunge. In the words of mental giant Soren Kierkegaard, during the first period of a man's life the greatest danger is not to take the risk.

Just read the Cliff's but seriously WTF???!!! You are being stupid to hesitate to move to the US.

1. Marry girl
2. Get green card
3. ????
4. Profit

USA>>>>>>>>>>>UK ainec.

Even if it doesn't work, it might still be good in other ways, meeting new people, adapting to a new environment. Unless there's a particular reason you'd really want to live in England, it might not be such a bad thing to do regardless of whether the relationship works out or not.

Have you looked into a fiancee VISA? I know one of my buddies in the army got one for his woman before they were married.

However, I have a feeling this is going to end badly like 95% of the time. If she went around with some other guy once, she likely did it more than once. The dishonesty shows a complete lack of respect more than anything else. Any relationship that isn't based completely on respect for and communication with one another is doomed to failure imo. There are soooo many women in this world. I'd recommend trying on one of them. Or 60.

Also, I met three really cute birds from Birmingham during my last trip in Vegas. Maybe try and find work there? Small sample size on my part?

Definitely sample size.

I can't tell if you two sound volatile. You make it sound like you both get along very well, but then there are the arguments and such and they seem to take precedence in your mind. Only you know if you two have a strong relationship, and strong means more than you both like each other. IMO, you seem to harbour resentment towards her light cheating and inability to move to England. You need to work this out either with her or on your own, but you can't have it hanging over your head.

If you think the two of you are compatible, then what the **** are you doing in England? Move to the USA asap and don't let this situation pass you by. If it fails, so what? Sure, you'd have to work harder if you move back to England, but seriously, the benefits of it working out outweigh the losses AINEC.

You're not looking for advice, you're working out if you two are compatible. We can't help you with that. FWIW, I doubt she did more with the guy than what she said. Is it ****ty? Yeah, but if you can look over it, then fine. Can you overlook rough patches as well? Are they as infrequent as you make it out? Seriously, if it's good, move.

america does this to me approximately every other time i enter

Your story sounds like mine.

I dated a girl after I graduated that had a one year fellowship abroad one month before she was supposed to fly out. The month before she left we had a blast and 2 weeks into it of course we said no long distance duh it never works. I visited her 3 weeks after she lands for a month, and we of course are pretty much on a month long vacation of spending, fun, sexing, with no care in the world. At this point of course you think this is the perfect scenario and the girl of your dreams. All your friends like her to boot. So after the month is over, of course we pledge to do long distance yadda yadda yadda even though we're 20000 miles away.

Then comes the hard part where the people get paranoid and jealous when the other party stays out overnight/weekends, and spends lots of time with new friends. Then comes the crazy fly to the other person to revive the romance, but it's not quite the same as it was before because now you have a purpose and goal instead of the carefree fling you had. Then after a week of awkwardness you magically connect again and have a blast for a week and vow to do long distance again. Then everything works out for a few weeks/months until outside stress causes trouble in your relationship and somehow passwords are always saved on browsers and guy goes snooping into girl's email and finds messages/chats from ex's, new dates, confessions of not being sure etc. Confrontation occurs, nastiness occurs, you wonder about the relationship and are about to give up until another spontaneous act of surprise visiting saves/ends the relationship.

It's all formulaic. Sorry to tell you OP, but the events that transpired are not unique to you and are in fact very common for long distance relationships. But on the bright side, after my long cynical rant and you expected it to end on a bitter note, I'm happy to inform you that I'm still dating the girl for 2 years now after the 1 year LDR and we're happily together living in the same place. So go for it, the worst that can happen is you fail and move on.

Edit: I'm really surprised at how formulaic this stuff really is. OP went through the same crap I went through pretty much and of course we both thought we were special

If it's about how to get into the US then NEVER tell them that you're planning on getting married to a citizen when you enter. Instead, enter as a tourist and maybe tell them you're visiting a girlfriend from college or something. Then go ahead and get married and apply for your status while in the country. It's a hell of a lot easier and you can get the initial EA status relatively quickly to allow you to work.

When it comes to making your application, the INS likes to see lots of documentation and hard copy proof of your relationship. Therefore you should put together a binder that has things like your marriage certificates, bank statements that show you have joint accounts and joint holdings, pictures from the wedding, emails or letters you sent each other during engagement, and so on and so forth. Then when you make the application submit the entire binder. They like that. You can PM me for more details on this.

Me too. It's pretty standard for them with people they suspect might be trying to live in the country illegally.