A 38 years old, who doesn't know after 2 years with a girl, if she is an escort or not, who does not believe in aids, and approaches illnesses that let your brain or liver rot out with an attitude "It will happen in 10 years, so I don't care" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syphilis, who at the same time talks about having children, who seeks advice about this situation in OOT..... I am just completely baffled.. I would not believe that that exists, if I would not read it. I really hope, that it is just a level.

I'm dating an ex-pornstar now who was pretty famous in the late 90s. I never had a problem with it.

OP might be the least interesting man in the world.

I lived briefly with a girl who had worked in a live sex bar - not on stage but her job was to persuade men to buy bottles of champagne to drink with her. She had a wonderful two-handed wanking technique - only girl with a better physical technique than doing it myself. Sex was great, she was wet and ready literally all the time. I was actually her 2nd-ranking boyfriend after her main one in her home country. Then she was emotionally unfaithful and I felt bad. I later realised how stupid it was to care about my 2nd-boyfriend's rights when I was basically doing the same thing and worse to her main boyfriend, (who was a DJ and was probably banging everything he could for the 2 years she was away in the UK), but at the time I was young and a lot more emo than I am now. OP sounds potentially emo and might run into problems later.

But basically OP, if you aren't going to get exclusive rights then why marry her?

In the Galfond thread some people were saying that marriage is a negative freeroll and -EV. They meant financially but I would say marriage is a negative freeroll in terms of "love equity". I have never met men who say their relationship was ok, then it got a lot better after they got married (an exception would be people who can't live together before marriage) but I have met plenty of people who say the reverse. No relationship, whether friendship, working, business or romantic is improved by locking people in to it on a permanent and exclusive basis because it licenses too much bad behaviour.

If we are talking about marrying a former escort then I don't care that much. Everyone has sexual history and relationships between men and women are often transactional in all kinds of subtle ways. I think it would be different if you had met her through work - she would never trust you - but in this case I don't see the problem.

Also, if you come out and ask her then she will be offended and you will lose her if it isn't true and probably if it is too (she might appreciate that you don't see her the same way as the other men see her). Also, do you actually want to know for sure or is it enough for her to just stop and adopt less suspicious behaviour? Sometimes you don't want to know how the hamburger is made you know.

If you really want to know then check out her story - e.g. pick her up from beauty school, help her with her homework, share an apartment together - before you think about marrying her. If I understand you live at opposite ends of the continent so solve that problem first.

If I was the kind of person who gambles I would go for there being another boyfriend(s) either her age or your age rather than her being a a directly hireable escort.

I wonder if any married OOTers care to challenge that assertion that relationships never get stronger by getting married. Never been, so can't say.

Not believing in HIV/AIDS has 0 consequences for the average straight person, other STDs are different but lol_AIDS really tbh. Just get tested regularly and you'll be fine. Fyl if you get the herp but that will be fine within no time as well. Getting her pregnant has a way larger potential to screw over your life than any STD if you are careful.

How does getting tested make you fine?

Truthfully, it's pretty hard to catch HIV as a straight male who isn't a heroin addict or receives blood transfusions in Africa.

I was confused at first too, but I think they're just separate sentences and he agrees with OP that aids isn't a thing. Get tested regularly is for other stds that you can actually catch.

you wont get hep c unless you share her needles. super rare from sex.

This. Getting tested can mean you're too late to stop from getting it yourself but it can also mean you're not too late yet to stop infecting others. You can also get the proper medication to stop yourself from inflicting unneeded damage upon yourself through treatable diseases.

Wait, enlighten me: is AIDS not a thing for heterosexual males? I thought it was to be honest, and a quick google search led me to a lot of 'aidstruth' sites who say it is not a thing, and on the other hand sexual advice sites who say it is. Confused.

You probably should get yourself tested if you are shooting blanks too.

Well, the sex advice folks of course want to play it safe and advice people to use condoms. But growing up I was ensured everyone was going to get AIDS. Lots of gay folks did. I've never heard of any straight folks, even friend of friends of friends or whatever who did. I think it's pretty well established that it's a gay / intravenous drug user disease, almost exclusively.

Lol at almost exclusively a gay/intravenous drug user disease. According to the Center for Disease Control, here are the stats for the distribution of the estimated number of diagnoses of HIV infection among adults and adolescents in the United States by transmission category.

She's a cosmetology student, has two different apartments, and is constantly flying. You've been dating for 18 months and you never asked her what's up with that? Really? Does she come from a wealthy family, or is there another plausible explanation? I'm trying to understand how you can be serious about marrying this woman when you seem to know so little about her.

I had a guest lecture once from a doctor and professor who both said most heterosexual men who got AIDS did not want to tell their friends/family because they were afraid they thought them to be a closeted gay/drug user.

That lecture was the reason I still believe it is a heterosexual thing also. But that was 6-7 years ago, so maybe that's thought of as old and incorrect knowledge today. Don't know.

i mean, that chart pretty much proves theres a super small chance of aids from ole fashioned sex. ofc, are you willing to gamble on .1% shot or whatever it adds up to everytime you bang?

I don't think they are telling falsehoods, I just think they are being overly cautious and probably rightfully so.

Those are interesting stats but "heterosexual contact" is still pretty broad. The majority of those infections could well be people engaging in other risky behavior like frequenting prostitutes, sleeping with drug addicted women, etc.

Bringing GRID back ITT

The most "interesting" part of the heterosexual contact statistic is that more than twice as many women than men got HIV that way. This lends further credence to the belief that an infected male is more likely to pass the virus to an uninfected female than vice versa. (I.e., the virus is secreted in higher concentrations in semen than vaginal fluids.)

Yes, makes total sense.

^ not just concentration but they also don't shoot vaginal fluid into our bodies.

The stats there seem to include heterosexual anal sex under heterosexual sex too - and they are very, very low for a country of 300 million people, at a rough guess with 100 million active heterosexual males - a 1 in 30000 per year chance is worth taking for better sex.

If you aren't swinging, aren't having unprotected anal sex and neither of you are using drugs then the chance would be significantly lower.

And also escorts use condoms with their clients and are at no higher risk than the general population.

OP is 38, GF is 20, and people thought I was having a mid-life crisis when I was consider a Mini Coupe as my next car.