That's a lot more than something dude.

Bumping this thread to see how OP and everyone else with alcohol issues is doing and to link to my blog where I've posted quite a bit about my struggles with alcoholism and ongoing recovery. There's a lot of other ramblings mixed in, but here's the posts that pertain to alcoholism - 19,20,29,30,33,34,37,38,40,45-47,53-55,58-60,62.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/22.../#post43406721

Hopefully there's a few helpful tidbits in there for anyone still struggling, or at least you'll find it beneficial to know you're not the only one. I'd love to hear any advice/opinions/stories regarding others' battles and hopefully recovery, either in this thread or my own.

I have not had a drop of alcohol this year. It's not fun but I need to keep at it.

Congrats on 5 months sober!

Feel free to ignore this if you'd rather not share, I'm just always interested in hearing how others handle getting/staying sober:

Do you mean life hasn't been as much fun since you quit drinking? Or do you just mean the challenge of abstaining isn't fun?

How has your life changed since you quit? Have you alienated yourself from any heavy drinking friends? Have you found other hobbies/interests to fill your time/feed your cravings?

Are you in AA or just doing it on your own?

Thanks for bumping - I'll check out your blog when I'm less swamped.

I'm doing well - it's been 17 months since any alcohol or mood-altering drugs have entered my body. Sobriety is so much better and so different from what I ever thought it would be. Bit by bit, life is becoming something I can enjoy rather than endure. It takes practice, and I have much more to learn.

Program-wise, I am currently slacking hard on the 9th step. I made a few easy amends but need to get back at it. I go to two meetings a week and lead H&I panels twice a month (one at a Skid Row shelter, the other at a jail in Los Angeles). H&I is an absolutely HUGE part of my program, I can't say enough about it. If I were forced to sacrifice things that have kept me sane, I think H&I would be the last thing to go. Nothing helps me more than reaching out to other alcoholics.

If you read the part of this thread when I was five months dry but had yet to get any help you'll see me say something similar - "life is not fun". I thought that I simply had to get used to life sucking without alcohol or drugs, or at least that's what I think I thought. Doing it on my own, life just got worse and took me to the edge of oblivion. My experience is that life will not get better without action on your part, and if it doesn't get better you will end up worse off than you were before. There may very well be several courses of action that would help you and other people, for me the fellowship and program of Alcoholics Anonymous has provided me with the actions necessary to find a new way of living.

And that's the good news: as hard/impossible as it is to imagine before a change occurs, a different kind of life really is possible - I know this because I'm surrounded by people for whom this has occurred, and it happened for me too.

I will try to come back and post more later, but that should do it for now. If anyone wants to talk please post here or PM me.

LFS,
I'm sure OOT will graciously receive your amends.

Congrats on 17 months sober! That's great that you're leading H&I Panels, and I'm sure it's very rewarding. I'd love to hear more about how you got involved in that and how a typical session plays out.

Not an alcoholic/heavy drinker, but I've been on some medication for the last 3 months that prevents me from drinking and just thought I'd comment on my experience.

I've noticed that for the most part, I don't really mind at all. At the bars I'm usually fairly chatty and fine on my own without the alcohol.

Where it's getting weird is all the common social situations where it's practically required.

- Just attended a bachelor party with no booze. That was weird. Was just cheers-ing people with water and had to turn down a LOT of shots.
- Have 2 weddings coming up. Those will be miserable, since I hate weddings and usually just like to hide away at the bar.
- Dating. This is probably the worst of it. Usually I like to just meet for a drink or 2 to get to know someone, and the lack of alcohol really starts to limit the things you can do at night. Plus, a lot of women don't want to drink while you stay sober (probably for safety reasons, or just out of courtesy), and they are a bit more uptight than usual.

Overall if it wasn't for the social interactions I think this would be a piece of cake, but you definitely get left out a bit by doing it and take some slack.

Halfway through my second year sober. I can confirm the second year is tougher. I am starting to have a little fun and I have absolutely zero anxiety anymore. Even when things are bad I'm not worried. I take a more healthy outlook on problems and give equal time to thinking about the good that can come from a challenge not just the bad.

I have to be honest though in my mind I know I'm going to drink again. I feel it won't be until my son is out of the house though. So 15-20 more years. Maybe my thoughts will change on that matter down the road. I do enjoy being healthy.......

Things I have been working on to try and make my life more enjoyable.

- working out regularly
- making an effort to engage more people out of my immediate circle
- working less

Doing well on two out of three. hahahah I'm still a workaholic.

Thanks, I am doing this on my own. Quitting drinking has been good for me but there are times I miss it. I will say that life is just much better without it. I suffered from extreme anxiety and I used alcohol to self medicate. The only thing drinking does is increase your anxiety. I still have alot of anxiety but I do feel it is getting better. I hope that it will just keep getting better and better over time.

I have gone out a few times with friends and just drank water. I prefer to not go out because to be honest it's just not fun. In fact I really didnt like to go out when I was drinking. I have people that tell me I can have a couple. I know that I can do that but I prefer to abstain. I cant have more than one if I dont have any.

Im what people would call a functioning alcoholic. I never lost a job because of drinking. I have never been in trouble with the law because of drinking. I have two beautiful, well adjusted kids. In the last 10 years I have not drank if I had to work the next day. I just was somewhat responsible with it. Having said all that I know I drank too much and it affected me in ways that I either chose to ignore or did not see. I became very depressed and ended up trying to commit suicide in December. I have not had a drink since except on new years eve I had 2 beers. That is the last alcohol I have had. I am very lucky to be alive. In my recovery from my attempt I realized that I could not drink ever again. I made that decision and I have kept with it.

I figure that what I had been doing for the last 37 years was not working out so well for me so I decided to try something different. I am in therapy for depression and am working on trying to get in better shape physically. It really is a huge change for me. I think it is going to be a change for the good.

Thanks to others for sharing their story in here. It really helps to know that I am not alone in the struggle.

Glad to hear you're in therapy and know you're definitely not alone. I've heard countless similar stories in both AA and the online AA for Atheists forum I frequent.

I can relate to you on the "high-functioning" alcoholic front. On the surface my drinking had zero effect on my outside life, despite doing plenty of internal damage (mentally, emotionally, and physically). To the extent that not a single person (including my wife) had any idea how much and often I was drinking up until I finally disclosed everything 2.5 years after I had quit.

That's wonderful your life has improved since you stopped drinking (I definitely feel the same way) and that your anxiety is starting to lessen. Thanks for sharing and good luck with everything.

+1

Although I think you can be a functioning alcoholic, in my experience, when you look back with a clear head, you might see how dysfunctional you really were.

For me it was working though a 12-step workbook, while writing the answers down it slowly began to dawn on me a lot of stuff that had happened to me (e.g. girls breaking up with me, friends distancing themselves, etc) was due to my heavy drinking.

It was a scary realisation as I think of myself as quite a perceptive and socially adept person, but my mind was so warped I thought I was acting normally and was even blaming other people in my head.

Oh I forgot, this is why I came to this thread, I just saw this on the news. I was never a huge fan but my friends were, and I listened to them a lot growing up. As someone who's been hospitalised several occasions (luckily for nothing this serious), it's a pretty stark reminder of what could easily happen if I start again.

Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley reveals shockingly thin frame after hospitalization for alcohol abuse

Did any of you guys have any medical issues from your alcohol abuse? I was never at the point of drinking every day, but I would drink heavily once or twice a week for a long time and I started getting bad acid reflux/horrible hangovers with anxiety. I decided to quit drinking 2 weeks ago because of this and I'm hoping to never drink again because I can't just stop at 1 or 2 drinks. I also can't picture myself going to a bar with friends and not drinking because getting drunk was literally the only reason I would go.

I would say the biggest medical issue for me was anxiety, big time. It just took over my life and it can be very debilitating. I also know it affected my thinking. My brain was just soaked in alcohol and I'm not sure it's totally cleared out yet.

Too lazy to type everything out again, here's a couple excerpts from my blog covering the health problems resulting from my drinking (I had been drinking a pint of vodka most nights for a couple years leading up to this point):

September 5, 2010
My stomach feels like there’s a giant balloon inside it that’s continually expanding despite having no more room to grow. This pain ebbs and flows for several hours and my wife notices a yellow tint to my skin while I realize my urine strongly resembles apple juice. Googling these symptoms brings a plethora of unpleasant results and we head to the Emergency Room.

“Do you drink alcohol?” A young doctor with the unenviable task of working the night shift on Labor Day Weekend systematically asks me.

“Occasionally I have a beer or two,” I say meekly while simultaneously looking to my wife for approval.

I tell him about the stomach issues I’ve had off and on, while admitting to over-indulging in heavy meals this weekend and generally poor eating habits.

They draw blood and do an ultrasound, but we spend most of the 6 hours in relative silence as I drift in an out of consciousness from the pain medication.

“This could be related to stomach problems such as gallbladder disease, but you’re jaundiced and your liver enzymes are very high, you’re showing signs of potential problems such as hepatitis, you need to have your blood drawn every few days to see if your liver functions return to normal, we’ll set you up with a Gastro-Intestinal Doctor that specializes in liver disease.”

I take a private gulp while covertly weighing the options of keeping silent vs admitting to my excessive vodka consumption. Silence wins the internal debate and I match my wife’s befuddlement at our current predicament.

We drive home discussing how I need to change my eating habits, I nod in agreement while realizing this is it, I’ve hit rock bottom, I have to stop drinking right now, I just hope it’s not too late. Despite being a non-believer I pray that this wasn’t anything serious, that I hadn’t done permanent damage, and that most importantly, I could get through it without my wife finding out the truth.


September 8th, 2010
I sit at my desk in silence, grinding my teeth in a futile attempt to abstain from clawing myself. It’s been 3 days since my last drink and I’m having one distinct withdrawal symptom. My skin itches feverishly, it feels like thousands of tiny insects are crawling over my body. The pain shoots between my back, shoulders, arms, and legs, seemingly never subsiding. I do my best to scratch only when I’m alone, knowing someone could put two and two together between the jaundice and itching and stumble upon the hidden truth.

This proves much easier in the privacy provided by my cubicle than at home. My wife’s concerned, but thankfully buys my explanation that itching is a symptom of jaundice, and it should subside when the jaundice dissipates.

We spent the next couple nights researching stomach conditions and discussing future doctor visits, but at work (between itching fits and my required job duties) I spend hours googling liver disease, alcoholism recovery, and the like. I try my best to remain optimistic, but part of me is convinced I’ve done irreparable damage. I shutter in disgust as I imagine telling my friends and family that I ruined my liver by secretly chugging vodka. What an embarrassing and pathetic way to die. And I can’t even begin to ponder the inevitable disclosure to my wife.


Fortunately the days go on and a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders as my liver enzymes regress back to normal levels. After a couple weeks my skin regains its regular paleness and my urine is no longer disgustingly dark. Publicly the incident is written off as an anomaly related to my undiagnosed stomach ailment, privately I’m elated that my alcoholism hasn’t completely ruined my life. I maintain my sobriety and let my wife know I’ve decided to quit drinking, citing various reasons without giving up the real one. I can tell she’s skeptical of my motivations, but she’s spent years hoping I’d utter those words, so she gladly accepts my declaration.



I did have gallbladder disease, but it was removed and has been fine since. When I was in the hospital after they removed my gallbladder I had a liver biopsy and it came back all clear. I'm just lucky it worked out the way it did, without the jaundice scare I might never have stopped drinking until my health problems got much worse, at which point it might have been too late.

You were smart to quit, I have a few friends who had similar health scares and still refused to quit.

I drank heavily everyday for over 20 years. I had to go to a medical detox facility. Somehow it only took about four days for me to be physically safe to be released. I was told if I had insurance they would have kept me for several months.

To answer your question, I was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis (inflammation of the liver) and Hepatomegaly (enlarged liver). In the later years of my alcoholism I drank heavily to combat anxiety. I thought I was self medicating but it really was making it much worse. I also hallucinated slightly while detoxing. I had a couple of other things happen to me while detoxing but I will need to search for paperwork and find the terms the Dr.s used. I don't remember much of time in detox. I kept a little journal though while I was in there to help me keep sane. I was told I wouldn't remember anything about the detox process.

I have not had a drop of alcohol since 1/17/2010.

I did not have my liver tested for over a year after I quit drinking.

My twice a year tests now show that my liver has returned to normal.

I continue to have it tested because I am on statins(cholesterol).
I hope to be off statins after my next scheduled physical.

I guess it's been years for me now - I was one of more appropriately named inebriates - but since 2005 or 2006 (I really don't remember) - no booze - pot for a couple years but I quit by 2008 - (paranoia hypochrondia made me feel unfun)

Not for nothing, but he is a meth abuser posing as an alcohol abuser because that is easier to pass off. Not being a dick, its just what it is.

Lol yea every alcoholic i've known has been a few lbs overweight.

Just curious, did you hold down a job during this period?

Restaurant business. EZ game.

Burned through quite a few jobs though.

I could function considerably well at work until the last couple of years. Towards the end I just lowered my standards of the places I would seek employment.

Hey all, quick bump after hitting two years sober on 12/27. I'm not going to rehash all the stuff that I and others have posted ITT over the years, but a few ideas are worth re-emphasizing. I'd say the biggest misconception I had about sobriety is that it would mean the end of having fun. I have found this to be pretty much the opposite of true. It is very difficult to explain, because I wasn't even aware that the things about me that have changed the most were even "things".

And the subject of change is important. After spending my life changing everything I could get my hands on in an effort to be a comfortable/normal person, it of course turned out that the changes that needed to take place are within me. For me, these were not changes I was capable of making without help. If anything, the very act of seeking - and continuing to seek - help was the first crucial thing that happened.

The amazing thing, or miracle if you like that word, is not simply that I haven't put any drugs or alcohol into my body for two years. It's that I'm sober and much, much, much, more stable, happier, serene, etc etc etc than I've ever been. If you're like me, that kind of change requires a bigger shift than simply ceasing to consume drugs and alcohol. So, to people who want to get sober, or maybe especially to people who are physically sober but circling the drain inside their heads, my experience has been that change is possible, and it's wonderful. My life is not perfect, but I can't imagine living today without what's been so freely given to me over the last two years.

I don't remotely believe I've got it all figured out, quite the opposite. I think I have a much better idea of what I don't know and understand, and am in a very comfortable place with that. Which is great, because I sure thought I had it all figured out in the past, and that didn't work out so well.

As always, please feel free to PM me if you see anything in my experience (which has been very well, if sometimes unintentionally, documented in this thread) that might be of value to you.

Happy New Year!

LFS

Congrats LFS!