For every good movie he's made there are 2 National Treasures + sequels and a Wicker Man. So basically, 3 or 4 unspeakably bad movies for every enjoyable one. He's not just an innocent victim--he's often the glaring worst actor in the film ruining it (Wicker Man was a remake super-faithful to the original, but for Cage's...bizarre woman-punching meltdown). In other words, on average, I'd be better off if he did not exist.

I'm so glad I found this thread!

I'm in the same boat as a lot of posters here. Not really addicted to alcohol, just abusing it at times. I'll say more but I want to read every post on this thread before I go on.

Good luck everyone!

A common misconception about alcoholism is that its not how much you drink, but what happens to you when you do and, more importantly, how you feel after the alcohol has left your system.

Are you anxious, do loud noises startle you? Do you get sick (throw up bile) have convulsions? This is all late stage alcoholism. I didn't take me long to get to this point.

And all, to be honest, i've been struggling lately. I'm under a lot of stress and pressure. At least I got a therapist apt tomorrow.

What's your status WVU? PM me if you want - sponsor, length of time sober, etc.

Just realized I hit my 5 year anniversary a few days ago. Have been spending most of the past year dealing with my wife's brain tumor discovery, surgery, and subsequent stroke and rehab. While I am sure there are many people who could have made it through a miserable, agonizing period like this while also drinking, I'm certain I am not one of those people.

Being able to be there through this experience, keep it together, and look out for her is really something I'm proud of and glad that, in a way, I was kind of prepared to handle. Granted the anti-anxiety prescription helped, but in the past I would typically self-medicate with booze at the end of each day, as a classic workaholic/alcoholic and eventually that stress relief turns into another huge source of stress.

I've even been able to knock off the chain-smoking and binge junk-food eating and have gradually worked myself into decent shape over the past 4 months.

Anyway, good luck everybody!

That is awesome holiday!!

I had my first week of full time work in two years! I am now working for a gov't contracting company. They have given me papers to get a secret clearance. Yikes! At that point, I decided I had to tell my boss everything about my past, my alcohol abuse, my arrests and that I didn't think I would be able to get it. We had a long talk and he said as long as im honest and do not hide anything that he thinks I will get it. And I will have the opportunity to explain to an investigator face to face about everything i.e. how i've messed up quite a bit and have been moving in the right direction. As long as im honest, I should be OK he said. He said that people don't get it when they leave out something big or try to hide things.

Anyway, it was hard telling my boss about my past and embarrassing. Including my upcoming trail with amichele But i'm glad I did. Now there will not be any surprises that could get me fired. And even if I don't get the clearance, I still have my job

Bottom line, honesty is best. And I would not have been able to ever have a job like this back when I was drinking daily.
5 years is just amazing Holiday!! I'd hug ya if I could.

I guess the NSA has a few openings. But if you donated to Ron Paul you might be screwed.

Happy Birthday Holliday! Congrats on the progress WVU. I know a lot of people who paradoxically have as much trouble when things are going really well as they do when things are going really badly - I myself tend to imagine I can take back the reigns when I'm feeling good. Stick to the routines that got you here. All the best.

Oh, I know...Things get good and then you think you got a grip on everything.

For me its like, wow, life is great. I can afford to go out and celebrate.

Self destructive tendencies. I def have them

Huge milestone, Holliday. Congrats. They say in AA, that it takes 5 years to truly gain your sanity back. It's probably a case by case basis because I knew 20+ year sobers who were still bat****, and 2 year sobers that were stable. I don't think we ever fully escape the bouts of insanity, it just manifests in different forms, imo.

Thanks guys, I've never really had any thoughts about going back and being able to handle it. I do greatly look forward to feeling like things are all going well someday though.

WVU; congrats and if my father could get clearance after honestly filling out one of those applications, I'm pretty sure it's in the bag for you.

I've been told the only thing worse than bad luck for an alcoholic is good luck.

LFS - I've thought about you and this thread many times over the past several months. Reading your post about your situation with getting off Xanax and going to meetings I can tell you've grown a lot. If you don't mind will you PM me and let me know what step you're on and how long you spent on each step? I half assed worked the steps and have started over with a different sponsor. He is really awesome. We spend about an hour once a week going over each sentence in the doctor's opinion. It's amazing to me after reading the BB many times how little I really understood.

You put into words what I haven't been able to so well. For me praying, going to meetings, and helping others has helped me so much.

****

This account of yours is too new to PM and I'm lazy so I'm not sure which your other one is, but PM me from that one.

Hope everybody is doing well.

21 more days I will have made it a full year without a drink. Getting pumped I'm going to get ****ed up!

Posting my official one year update - I changed my sobriety date from 9/27 to 12/27 because for the first few months in the program I was still taking small/tapered, doctor-prescribed doses of diazepam to manage withdrawal. Although my sponsor and many old-timers assured me that I was indeed sober for that period, I'm more comfortable knowing that there's no ambiguity whatsoever if I go with 12/27 as my date.

I am a very different person than I was prior to sobriety. Life is not perfect but that's OK, it doesn't have to be - I have learned how to not just endure, but to enjoy the ups and downs of existence. I am, for the most part, comfortable in my own skin. I can accept myself for who I am. I'm human and have bad moments or even days, but it's never the end of the world.

The most striking thing about the last year isn't that I didn't drink or use drugs, it's that I haven't needed to. Which is ultimately what this is about - I know I can't drink or use, but I also can't live a miserable life simply geared towards safety and staying clean. On New Years Eve I went to a party where everyone was drunk and/or high and had a legitimately good time. In the past I might've been able to endure a party like that, gritting my teeth all the while, but it was beyond my imagination that I might actually enjoy myself.

It would be hard to talk too much about my experience with sobriety without this becoming completely about AA, but I don't want to do that for a variety of reasons. So, if you read this thread and it sounds like we might have some things in common and you're curious about what happened to turn me around, send me a PM.

Happy New Year!

LFS

Congrats!

nice job LFS and waterwolves!

LFS, being around the party environment, especially something like a NYE party, are you nervous about going there and feeling tempted or pressured to drink?

I'm 40 and well past feeling pressured to drink/use. The hostess at the NYE party offered me drinks at least five times and tried to get me high when that failed. It doesn't bother me.

I'm not tempted to drink and don't think I will, but I have a healthy distrust of my brain and respect for this disease. I'm much more afraid of needing to drink than I am of the drink itself. I believe that drinking/using is several steps down the line of not working my program. I'm focused on not taking that first step and staying as open and honest as I can be. I will wander and I will get lost but if I keep talking to my guys they'll guide me back.

LFS,

Do you believe this is true, that an alcoholic's disease grows worse even when he is sober? I learned in a class before that if an alcoholic was sober for 10 years and decided to have a drink one day after 10 years, he would be in an even more dangerous spot than 10 years prior if he had one.

I'd classify myself right now as a problem drinker (based on the class I took), which means I have a chance to turn into an alcoholic. I've maybe drank 3 days in a row once or twice in my life, and I usually never drink back to back days. But whenever I do drink, it's almost always to get drunk (12-20 beers, and sometimes I've gone past 20 in one night, but there's nights where I just have 6-8 and only get "buzzed"). So far this year, I haven't had a drink yet, and my plan is to limit it to once or twice a month on weekends with friends and not have more than 6-8 drinks in a night. But I probably should just quit altogether, though.

Hmmm, I don't know. I haven't heard that. I do believe that alcoholism is a progressive disease when NOT being treated. That's pretty obvious to me. But, having a single drink might indeed be more dangerous after ten years of sobriety for a number of reasons. For me, given what's occurred in my relatively short time in real sobriety, things would probably have to be pretty far off the rails for me to actually take a drink. Given the state of affairs that would need to exist for that to happen for me, and the loss of control I experience when drinking, I definitely could see that going particularly badly. But, according to my definition, at that point I would need to be pretty much untreated (I think and hope). Because I do believe that continuing to do the things I do will keep me from getting to that place.

There are plenty of people who probably drink way too much who aren't alcoholics. These people might continue drinking the way they do for their whole lives and basically be OK. Or they might quit after the consequences become too severe.

Have you ever experienced any relief BEFORE taking a drink? I was talking to another alcoholic about this recently and think it's somewhat telling. Because I sure have. If I was particularly agitated it would make me feel good to order more Xanax or Valium on the internet, even if I wasn't running low. Same deal with drinking - I'd start to feel better on the way to the bar before I had a drop of alcohol in me. I'm not sure many non-alcoholics feel that way.

I've heard this spoken about a bit from people who have relapsed after differing amount of times. I don't think you think you go to a more dangerous place per se. However from their experiences,and my own, when you start again you go straight to where you left off.

It may of taken you years sink to whatever depths and then years getting out again but for most drinkers when you pickup again it's not a gradual decline, you end up right back at the bottom very quickly.

Definitely have never gotten that feeling beforehand, but I know I do enjoy my first drink a lot (before I have any noticeable signs/feelings of being drunk). I get a relaxed feeling after my first sip, and maybe it's because I know I'm going to end up getting drunk? But I guess it's possible that non-alcoholics/problem drinkers (2-3 beer drinkers) feel this way too after their first sip?

I think my main issue is that I've gotten tolerant to drinking a large amount and I'm able to still function at 10 beers the same as someone at 3-4 beers would be able to function at. So I keep drinking trying to get drunker (because I can still function), even though I probably can't even get any more drunk (speaking about euphoria) than I already am.

Something else: almost all alcoholics have some version of these attempts to control our drinking - "I'll only drink beer", "I'll only drink on weekends", "I'll only have X drinks". I once had a plan that I'd put six poker chips in my left pocket and move them to my right after each drink and when they were gone I'd stop drinking.

The fact that you're making plans to limit/control your drinking doesn't make you an alcoholic. But if you sincerely make these plans and then cannot stick to it (as you might surmise, my poker chip plan did not work), that's something to think about.

definitely agree w this. very much the same with drugs as well.

congrats LFS(and anyone else) glad to hear you're doing good.