Damn, those are some super solid posts from Jmac.

But what happened to LFS? I see he stopped posting last year. Anyone know if he is okay?

Quit drinking on dr orders, a year ago today. Made me think of this thread.

I have a friend who has been drinking no less than 15 shots/beers a day for 2 years. He also abuses ambien/sonata in large doses mixed with alcohol daily. Me him and my other friend are real close and hang out in his gf's apartment on weekends/go out to bars sometimes, and I'll usually have around 8-10 shots with him. That's usually the only time I drink during the week (I used to drink alot more but cut down after I got a DUI), but I notice if I ever turn him down he'll friendly nag me all night to join him in drinking and I usually do just because I don't mind drinking once a week. (Am I enabling him here, even though he's going to drink anyway?)

So we've had talks with him before about him stopping/going to rehab, and he just says he has no desire to go and will never do it and just accepts that he's going to drink every day of his life (he's a pretty depressed person and used to be on bipolar meds in his teens). I have no clue what else I can do, he lives with his gf rent free so she's definitely enabling him by allowing it to go on in her apartment. They get into fights a lot and the cops have been called in the past. He actually had his mom come over the other day and he wanted to move back home but she won't let him because she thinks he would be a bad influence on his younger brother. Is there anything I can do to help him?

fwiw I have succesuflyy quit smoking after years of smoking a pack a day and sometimes more but couldnt imaginequttingt alcoohol altogether . I would be a fundamentaly different person.

rakeme, the first step in both AA and Al-Anon (the group for people around alcoholics) is that you are powerless over alcohol, in yourself and in others. There is very little that you can do, just don't be an enabler. (By buying him more, covering for him, etc. I don't think drinking with him will matter, although some might disagree.)

A sober alcoholic MIGHT be able to share their experience, strength and hope, but if the person is not open to the message, it rarely sinks in. Sorry.

Nothing you can do. But if the cops are constantly being called to a guy's house who is always drunk and fighting/loud/arguing with gf, well thats just your standard episode of COPS. I think they might be the ones to do something. I mean, its sounds like your friend is getting pretty low. If he is causing drama and having cops start knowing him, things will get bad enough eventually that he will probably decide to seek help. Or the system will get him. Either way, he'll get sober....eventually

There are things you can do. You can do a formal intervention. Hopefully you can get mother gf etc on board. Before you think about this option you should buy the book "love first". It's a good book about doing interventions the right way.

You can decide not to do an intervention and just set boundaries on your own. Reading that book would probably help too. (I had an intervention done on me and at times had said I would drink the rest of my life). My family used that book and Its been recommended to me by the head of a treatment center. I read the website which was also helpful.

You can become active in a local al-anon group. It will show your friend that you are taking action and leading by example. That's all you can really do. Let the person know you love them but you can't support their drinking. Then you stick to the boundaries and when they are ready you support their recovery. Going to alanon will help you set healthy boundaries and stick to them.

Good luck and lmk if you have questions.

Does he even want to cut back? How old is he? IM getting the impression he's kinda young. If he doesnt want to change there's nothing you can do.

I got a buddy who is 33 and drinks crazy amounts of liquor, buys a 5th and it'll be gone in a few hours just gulping is like its soda or some ****. I've told him he wont live to 50 the way he's going, he's also obese and smokes. Its like he just accepts it. You cant do nothing for them if they dont want to change.

I'd say this is old school/ obsolete thinking. In the past this was the common way of thinking about habits/addictions but now with modern neuroscience we know that that habit of drinking just like any habit is just subject to neural networks (the physical part of the brain that is habit) that keep people in the loop of habit. With this new era where we know of neuroplasticity and methods of self directed neuroplasticity a person can change their neural networks, basically just rewiring them for new habits. For example I used to drink about a 5th every other night to the point of black out drunk for years and now I drink 1-2 a week and usually stop before getting drunk as well as using other methods to get rid of the neural habits that usually spurred me to drink like the emotional pains from social anxiety and depression that I used to have really bad.

I think that if AA/NA brought in methods that worked on neuroplasticity they would be a powerhouse in treating addictions. As it is now they are just running on old school thinking that is no longer relevant. They need to up their science game imo.

SUCCESS


I know you get a hardon about all this neuroscience stuff, but alcohol is a highly addictive substance on a physical level so...

Since you start out talking about "science", but then revert to the tried and true (although extremely weak) anecdotal example, I suppose that means I can use the same technique.

Since, owing to my age, I no doubt drank considerably more than you ever did and have now been sober for over twenty-two years, I guess it means that I "win" that argument, lol.

Add in the fact that I have been successful in life beyond your wildest dreams, I suppose using your thinking, that makes me completely right and your so called "science" (which you are misconstruing, but whatever...) a failure.

I don't actually believe this,but that's the problem with using flawed reasoning, it comes back to bite you.

No, not even close to wanting to quit or even cut back a little like every other day like I asked him to try. He's 25 and hates life and tells me that all the time. Alcohol will obviously kill someone if they drink that much every day, but another big concern is the sleeping meds that he mixes with alcohol. That could be a lethal combo one of these days

We've been talking about doing an intervention, but to be honest it would probably just be comical because none of us our very serious people and he wouldn't be able to take it seriously. I guess it's worth a try though. Me and my other friend think the gf pays for the alcohol too (he goes through almost a 750ml vodka a day, drinks morning and night), but she won't admit it. I feel like he'd have a shot to recover if he'd just break up with her (She's way older, like 33)

Death is pretty serious. Hiring an interventionist, writing heartfelt letters and sticking to hard boundaries would make an intervention serious.

As was mentioned above, ask your friend if he'll hear someone out on the subject. Get him to say yes, then call Alcoholics Anonymous (unless you know someone in the program). Someone from AA will call him or go see him in person (it's called a 12th step call). It will be different than what he thinks it will be. It will probably come as a surprise to him, as it was to me, that AA is really about the "hating life" stuff - it's not just about not picking up a bottle. A recovered alcoholic will be able to talk to him in a way that has the best chance of reaching him. If it doesn't take right away he will know who to call and where to go if/when he decides not to die miserable. Good luck.

This is a very good answer. Plus, the two of you could also attend an "open" meeting together. (These are meetings for everybody; alcoholics, psychology students, visitors, etc.) They are interesting for everyone and you don't need to worry about catching it, lol. Good luck.

Sounds like some good ideas, I will definitely look into that.

I just came across this and thought it was very good.

Craig Ferguson's Speaks From The Heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZVWIELHQQY

I just wanted to say thank you to all of the people in this thread who have shared their experiences.

I have been searching for a couple months to figure out the role alcohol currently plays in my life and social life, and where I want it to fit in with my life. Having the differing perspectives and experiences this thread has offered gave me a ton of valuable advice and I am very thankful to everybody who contributed to this thread for making a lasting positive impact on my life, even though I have never posted ITT until now.

Man, I don't want to tell you what to do, but depending on what those sleeping pills are (barbiturates or benzos) Its possible he make not wake up one day. No joke. I've seen it. And I was a 750ml drinker per day at one point.

Edit: Sleeping pills and that amount is deadly. No doubt.

I'm sober from drink and drugs 4 months longest period since i was 16 im 31 now, drink was the major problem for me it was the catalyst to every other drug i used. I just go to a point where i was tired of feeling depressed and anxious through drinking and said enough is enough.. Its getting hard coming into summer wanting to sit in the sun with a cold beer but i just have to remind myself of how i will feel for the next week if i go on a bender, its not worth it. Being round drunk people sober is a real eye opener i start to wonder if i acted that ridiculous when i drunk? probably.

lol @ probably

Na, I can relate.. i am in Winchestonfieldville, Boo Radly used to be my neighbor. I'ts Apple Blossom Festival out her now..

Basically, people can be drunk but only in cettain areas. If you're outside of those areas then off to the NW jail you go.

From what i've heard, they release ppl early cuz of this week to make way for newcomers.

I'm not drinking in May. If it goes well I may extend.

So I've had 2 glasses of wine and 3 beers in about the last 4 months.

Pros: I feel better. I feel better in the morning, and I'm more productive. I can't tell if I'm more productive because i'm trying to find ways to fill my time, or if I'm more productive because I feel better. Probably both.

Cons: I'm way more antsy in my old normal social situations. Most everybody and everything I used to do involved beer. Everybody's been really cool about my drinking water or coke or whatever instead of alcohol, but I don't feel like myself. I usually either just don't go lots of places I used to go, or I cut things short.

The holy grail would be to just drink in normal situations like a normal person, but to quote Earl, me and normal don't usually collide in the same sentence. I'm shooting for 6 months of this before I re-evaluate.

I haven't had a drink since Oct 31st. It was super hard at first but it seems to be getting easier. It's weird but I feel better mentally then I have in 20 years. Which coincidentally, is when I started drinking.

I mean I feel great and I haven't even started working out again yet because I wanted to focus on not drinking but still having fun. I mean I have been eating horribly. Chocolate ice cream, pizza, chips, soda, and more. lololololol Still lost 3 pounds. Now it's time though. Going to start hitting the gym and running a lot. I need a challenge so I'm going to try and figure something out.