I'm presenting at a conference Monday. My topic is a technical legal one, i.e. the impact of the Supreme Court's Hall Street decision (which says that parties are not permitted to contract to have courts review the merits of arbitral decisions) and California's subsequent Cable Connection decision (which says that California law permits just that).

This topic will of course be deadly dull to most people, even most lawyers. But it's interesting to those of us who have to decide when to write arbitration provisions into our company's contracts.

I need a joke with which to open. Any suggestions? OOT, please help. Must be SFW, but can probably be slightly risque.

Does your joke have to have even the most tenuous connection to your audience or topic, or is the point that the topic is so dull that you might as well get in a good joke (of any kind) before launching in?

Hall Street decision? What about the Hill Street decision? They took that off the air years ago. Really gave me the blues.

Supreme Court? One time I got thrown out of court for eating a burrito supreme. Maybe I should wear a robe and call myself a judge.

Cable Connection? I used to watch Love Connection all the time on cable. Matter of fact I still do.

Mom and small child are at the grocery store and kid is picking his nose and putting his fingers in his mouth. Mom says "Stop that! It will make you fat!"

They get to the checkout line where the boy notices a pregnant woman in front of him. He points at her belly, looks up and says " I know what you've been doing!"

Tenuous connection would be best, but it can be tenuous indeed -- like the Hill Street joke below. That's a GROANer, but I can actually see using it.

First one is great. HAHAHA.

oh man dont do it

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked.
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60,000, while you can get a one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50,000, and so on.
"Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"That's $250,000," the doctor replied.
"Why so much? the woman asked. "That's over four times what a surgeon's brain costs."
"Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?" the doctor replied.

Would have been funnier if the punch line was "has never been used".

"Whaddya call it when they crack down on prostitution? "
"Tart reform."

"If you're client's a porn star, wouldn't any of his peers make it a hung jury?"



Is this thing on.......

lol. A how many lawyers joke is always good.

What's the point of getting a lawyer's brain if you don't need to use the brain to be a lawyer?

Cuz the woman doesn't want to be a lawyer, she just wants to not die.

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for the head angel to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When the head angel shows up, they asked him. The head angel says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer. . . . . for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, The head angel finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

The angel, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!" The head angel shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?

I just had lunch with a friend of mine. He works at Blackbeard, Drake and Morgan down the street. He wouldn't shut up about the Hall Street decision because it says that parties are not permitted to contract to have courts review the merits of decisions made by AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRbitrators.

ISWYDT

This is actually sorta good.

LOL@Pirates.

Just a sidenote, that the ransom $$ from the pirate seizures in Somalia is funneled thru the Isle of Man which happens to host.....you guessed it!

Make of it what you will.

/hijack (LOL...Hijack)

The Hall Street decision is not to be confused with the case dealing with the mediocre 80's Saturday Night Live players case (see Rich Hall, Anthony Michael Hall decision) or the mediocre 80's pop group case (Hall & Oates decision), for I can't go for that. No can do.

brown chicken brown cow

What do you call it if a ship carrying 1000 lawyers sinks to the bottom of the sea?

A good start...

'Before I begin I would like you all to know that I am willing to agree to a continuance in the event that any of you would like to ask the court to review my having been arbitrarily assigned to make this presentation.'

The trouble with lawyer jokes (as CryMeARiver aptly demonstrates) is that the lawyers in the audience have heard them all.

I don't know if anyone ever told you this, Howard, but you never start off a presentation with a joke. If nobody laughs, you're in a for a LOOOOOOOOONG afternoon.

+1 to just start talking. You say they care about the subject, presumably you know what you're talking about, so just get to it.

I always wondered what that one Somali guy was doing on the island. There are literally 10 black people on the island and all the others look West African in origin. I'll be on the lookout for him buying shots for everyone at the club this week