Nice post!

People don't generally spend as much time as has been spent itt to demean someone, regardless of how they come across on the internet. People here spent a lot of time and effort trying to help her. They got extremely frustrated, and then the thread took a different turn.

It is the same dynamic that MLYLT has apparently shown in finding a therapist. She seems to have settled upon one (maybe 2?) who seem to enable her by telling her how Code should act rather than dealing with her very obvious personality problems.

The same dynamic applies to her seeing a "physiatrist." She has such little respect for what professional she is seeing that she can't be bothered to even make the minor effort to learn to spell it--or even make a less feeble attempt to spell it correctly.

She will undoubtedly listen to enablers as long as they are enabling. When/if they stop, no matter how gently, look for a vicious turn in her attitude toward them. It is the nature of the babs.

Im going to talk to my new therapist about this. Does BPD come and go like Bipolar?
I have had all of these feelings over the past year, but it seems they only started when the whole incident happened when code 3 acted like I didn't matter to him.
It seems like my bipolar comes and goes for years at a time. Like I will have a massive episode of not being able to control myself day to day for a year or more and then it is dormant for a few years. Its almost like it gets triggered. I think code3 acting like he didn't care about me with the whole basketball thing triggered it and this is the worst it been in my entire life. Is BPD triggered to?

Jamakin, how has your bipolar been? Has it always been on the surface or an episode get triggered every few years?
You are the only one in this thread that truly understands what's going on in my head, can you please give me an overview of your struggles with bipolar and what you've done and what has helped besides the obvious meds?
The feelings and actions mentioned above are referencing BPD, but have you ever experienced these with your bipolar? (Obviously you've wanted to die because of the bipolar, I mean the other things)

I also have BPD/have dated BPD and i think a lot of the things people are saying itt make a lot of sense.

I think my personality disorder has mostly subsided after a lot of therapy and my meds. I still have major issues with rejection and controlling my emotions but nothing like when I was younger. I will add that I had to spend a lot a lot a LOT of work on myself

Experienced abuse as a child but nothing like what you have described here, so I would not be surprised if you have to spend at least an equal amount of work or more on yourself

MLYLT:

Step 1: I was wrong

Step 2: What should I do differently?

Can you give some specific examples that might mirror my behavior and what you did and what the outcome was.
Can you tell me specifically what you did to work on yourself?
How was it determined in therapy that you had BPD? What did you do to fix it ? Aside from still struggling with rejection and emotions what changed and how?

My therapist wasn't very good but he worked on mindfulness, where at first we would talk about my feelings and emotions and analyze them to see if they were rational or reasonable, and identified inconsistencies and irrational believes about myself and others. After a while I was able to do this on my own, and after another little while those beliefs and behaviors start to fade. They still pop up every now and then and I feel vulnerable to them but it requires a lot of honesty with yourself

I don't know, I can't write a lot because I'm at work right now but mostly the way you rationalize things, and your thought process here reminds me a lot of times where I have been wrong and attempted to do the same thing. Especially in the wake of a break up I have done really insane things Kinda similar to what you're describing here.

BPD Was never formally diagnosed but I tick off all of those boxes, and a good therapist won't tell you if he believes it about you

For instance like four years ago when I caught my ex cheating on me I seriously posted here that I wanted to buy a Range Rover and set it on fire in front of her house, and I think had I had the means I would have

Ok, im going to therapy and im going to discuss BPD.
I want to do this quickly, I feel like being away from code3 for a while and being on my meds will make my symptoms subside for a while. I want to be prepared for the next time it's triggered.
The thoughts and actions I've had this last year aren't always there and it's going to be hard to discuss how im feeling about something with the mindset I have now if im in my normal mindset. Does that make sense?

M,

Are you going to tell us more about code banging his best friend?

That makes sense, you just have to be prepared to take a hard look at yourself otherwise therapy is pointless

Are you really paying rent for two places at the same time!?

This is something I've never brought up to him because I don't care if he's bisexual and getting ****ed in the ass by his best friend(he's obviously the bottom). When I saw the pic and message, I was just like "oh well, he and his friend must ****". I was mad that he told everyone what I was texting him on Thanksgiving, and I shouldn't have mentioned his friend sending him dick pics and asking him if he was ready to come over. Im really sorry about this one Code3, I went to far and shouldn't have said anything about it. It's okay to be who you are though; if this is the reason that you never had a girlfriend, then good your not really a weirdo!

No. Code3 is completely supporting himself and has been since I moved out. I did pay the mortgage on my house when my ex husband live after I moved out. I learned my lesson with that.

Nobody sees what you're clearly trying to do with this. Really, none of us. So 2nd level. It definitely isnt obvious to anyone watching.

Wait, nevermind, it absolutely is. Stop. just... Stop. Your daughter needs a functioning mother in her life.

So you don't mind him cheating on you with men it's only women who bother you? How progressive.

I really have no idea what you mean. He shared what I was privately texting him, this made me mad so I shared the details of one of his private text. I was wrong to do this and im sorry.

With men it's just sexual, I can clearly see he doesn't want an emotional relationship with a man.
And to be honest, I really didn't know what to think or feel about it. I just know my reaction was just "oh well" instead of jealousy.

Everyone gets your act. And don't even pretend to yourself like you do not know it is an act. It obviously is, and it is working on nobody, including c3.

Saying youre wrong is a good step. Stick with that line of thinking. You will realize that it is your fault but that you also alone have the ability to stop this. Your daughter needs it.

Someone start a gofundme page for Code, the man needs a car.

Well I really don't know what your talking about. What act is this? Can you explain to me what my act is cause I have no idea.

My biggest breakthrough was when I realized how often I lied to myself and believed it. I honestly to this day don't trust a single one of my thoughts and double and triple check them, and ask other people for their opinions first before i go through with something. May sound overboard but it's what i have to do, I never want to be that out of control again

MLYLT, enough is enough with the code3 talk already.

fyp