my two biggest interests by far are sports and finance. I could happily spend weeks without touching on any other topics in conversation. These are pretty male dominated and cooking and making drinks are my next biggest hobbies, but aren't really things that easily allow for meeting new people. While I know it doesn't bode well for being well rounded or attracting women, I would prefer to spend most of my free time on these topics/activities rather than splitting time with some activities that I don't like quite as much.

Looks like the under on 6 weeks with cheerleader is good! We had an odd date Thursday where, being a bit too drunk, at one point I asked if she wanted leave. We worked through the issue, she stayed over for the night and we spent hours ****ing but her general attitude toward me definitely changed.

Normally I receive a text a few hours after we spend time saying she had fun or whatever but this time there was nothing. I sent one later in the evening saying I had a good time, apologizing for getting too drunk and saying I like her (which is something we've been doing thru text). No response. Since I was with my son this weekend and bored, I called her a few hours after my text... no answer. I went to sleep pretty confused as this was a break from our normal interaction; normally she would text or call before going to bed no matter the time or what she was up to. I woke up to a text from her stamped 7AM where she mentioned what she was doing that evening, what she was up to the next day, that I have no reason to apologize, etc.

Though we worked through whatever idiocy I displayed while a bit too intoxicated and she explained that she doesn't hold grudges... the vibe I got on our last date was completely different. I should also mention that she made it pretty clear that she and I are not in a relationship and, when I kinda pushed the issue, she said something about trying to lock her down as a girlfriend.

We ended our last "date" set to get together near her place Sunday, but it's to hang out at some festival with her friends and sister. Given the shift in her behavior, if she responds to my last text I'm pretty sure I'm going to bail on the date. If it were just her and I, I'd do it, but given my uncertainties and sense that something changed hanging with her social group is the last thing I want to do. Also, I'm not happy that I've been drinking more and, because I like her, acting weird... it's just not worth it.

Under is gonna be good methinks.

Yes exactly. I'm comparing that to a one night stand.

Enjoy being single then. Haha. But seriously, if you get a girlfriend I assume you realise you are going to have to do lots of stuff that doesn't involve sport and finance.

If you don't mind me asking, what field do you work in where you earn more than anyone else at your age?

Look man, after 600 posts of pure insane fear that dribbled out in various dysfunctional ways, it's been really nice to see that you're a very sane and functional person. Don't do the dumb thing now and go back to your old ways. And definitely don't go back to alcohol, which it seems is the cause of all your problems here. You'd stopped drinking, remember?

The shine goes off people when they do stupid things, especially men. It doesn't mean it's the end. It just means that people pull back a little while they recalibrate. If she likes you, and you don't freak out and create a self fulfilling prophecy, odds are she will forgive/forget and you'll have an even better relationship. Girls are very good at forgiving and forgetting for guys they like and who like them. Proof that you can change is key amongst that, and you're reverting back to old ways.

You looked like an ass, I assume, then compounded it with fear. That's extremely unattractive. She's just needing a bit of space to recalibrate. She's recalibrating because she likes you. Don't push it here. You seem like a decent and well rounded person. Just learn to keep the panic down and the need for perfection down. They don't serve your interests well. You're the poster boy for the maxim: you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

There's no need to "work through it" together. Man up, learn a lesson and move on. It's all about how she feels, not about you maintain controlling or holding the seams together. Fix the problem from her end instead of offloading your own fears. Flowers or a little gift are a great start.

Of course it was different. Didn't you say she had an alcoholic husband? Way to differentiate yourself, douchebag. All you need to do is pull it together, be a little less fearful, and work on not doing it again.

This is good. A little light social interaction without the full on one-on-one is a good way to recalibrate the relationship after an incident like this. Girls don't invite men they've gone cold on to family gatherings.

She's concerned. You just need to show you get it - and that it's not about you - and everything will be fine.
You're doing nothing here but creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Man up and do it. You're not going into war. You have to learn the skill to do what you don't want to and be good at it. Turning a less than favorable situation to your advantage is a very valuable skill, this is an opportunity to learn to do it whether you break up with her or not.

Way to talk yourself out a relationship you like that isn't even on the rocks. You need a bunch less pride and a bunch more openness to learning new skills.

Congratulations. You successfully shot down every idea he had.

CDL,

so you have 3 dates in a week with girls you know/met IRL and are concerned with online dating. Are you trying to be ironic?

Text or Call,

also talked to the girl on the phone tonight. she was bat **** crazy so maybe rafiques idea wasn't alll old man jibber jabber. #phonepussygeneration

ATF,

you were dead on about older women being more forward sexually. i think its because they feel like they are competing with younger (read:better) competition so they go with what they know works. Just telling this lady I had a date with someone else prompted her to send me a sexy video. we haven't even met yet. she also told me in her second message she wasn't looking for anything sexual and two messages later she talked about roleplaying. lol old women basically.

for those keeping score at home:

ATF was right:2
ATF was wrong: 660

No need to keep score. Older women being more sexually forward isn't a secret or anything remotely near being insightful.

They are generally more confident and know what they want. You don't have to BS them or play games. If you treat them as an equal and with respect, you can pretty be honest with them and up front. You'll get laid, the end.

How old are we talking here?

I don't think older women are more sexually forward, it just comes across that way because you don't expect it. 21 year old goes home from the bar with you it's normal and she's just a college girl who wants to have fun. 40 year old goes home with you and whoa! She knows what she wants and doesn't play games. Sexually forward! Women of all ages like sex and if they like you will usually let you have it before too long.

An older woman with 5-10 extra pounds on her, lol best sex of your life. Christ that **** is intense. It's like the absinthe of dating. The only time you'll walk away feeling like somehow YOU got used.

yes, I am aware and have done so in past relationships. I am willing to do it, but while single I don't care for random hobbies that I don't enjoy. I think it would be a pretty bad idea to go to a yoga class, painting class, or something I don't care for just because I could meet girls there when that would give off the impression that I like said activity from the get go.

I work in finance and its by no means more than anyone else my age, but it is more than people I know in Atlanta. I also lucked into a pretty major promotion that put me about 5 years ahead of pace job title wise (and 2-3 years pay wise) due to an unexpected vacancy at my small firm. Keep in mind that any doctors my age are either still in school or only in residency and lawyers are just getting started with their first jobs so the top 5%ish isn't necessarily all that much.

No, after I broke up with my ex I pledged not to waste time dating until I had time to actually commit to it and had gotten my career and finances to a point where I could comfortably manage (in that time I was also buying a condo and furnishing it from scratch with new stuff so I spent both a ton of time and money on non-normal expenses). Given that the main issue with my ex was our work life balances and energy to go out and do stuff during the week not matching up well I felt like this was pretty fair.

I started with the online dating idea before getting any of these dates and I have never been one to find it really easy to get dates, though I have matured quite a bit and dress a little more smartly and am better off than a few years ago when I was last dating before I got together with my ex. Also, 2 of the 3 dates literally fell in my lap with girls telling me "x asked if you were single" and my sister's maid of honor at her wedding asking if I had a wedding date yet and when I told her I didn't she told me she had a co-worker that would be perfect if I was ok dating someone a few years older and then she asked if she could set us up for one night this week. The other one was the same girl pointing out her friends who were single as they came to her birthday party the other night and telling me which ones to talk to. She is a former matchmaker by profession so this comes somewhat naturally I guess.


I also make a lot of the same mistakes that people in this thread make and usually apply advice more quickly than others so am hoping this thread helps me correct some stupid social faux pas I may make in the dating process or at least help me realize what qualities to highlight and which ones to bring up later in the dating process.

If your wealth outstrips your looks then online dating is going to be difficult for you, because while it's easy to display your looks it's hard displaying your wealth in an online profile without coming off as a douchebag, as I said earlier.

I would suggest working some suggestions into your profile that you're significantly wealthier than most guys your age--pictures with legit nice clothes, mentions in the profile of something cool you've done that obviously requires money, plus something about what you do to indicate you're not just a trust fund baby. I have no experience with this obviously but it is what seems like the natural thing to do. You're selling yourself in your profile so you want to highlight the most desirable things about you.

Based on the conversation ITT I think we're talking over 35. I mean over about 45 is just gross in all circumstances so 35-45 is the 'old women' range in terms of...

This is actually true ime. I've been with two older women (37 and 41) and they both ****ed like maniacs. Usually these are semi-recent divorcees who are really sexually frustrated and won't hesitate to take it out on a younger guy if they get a chance, plus there's the whole 'that 24 year old might be hotter but she doesn't know her way around a dick like I do' factor.

The new profile seems to be working out quite well so far. It has been up for just over 24 hours now and I've received 3 messages and a few winks already. 2/3 of the messages commented on how awesome the profile was haha.

Thanks again for the input, I really do appreciate it. Below is what I ended up putting together based on the feedback from this thread.

------------------------------------------
I'm great at catching spiders, opening jars and checking what that bump in the night was.

Hockey has been part of my life since I was learning to walk and to this day I play often for fun and to keep in shape. I also try to hit the golf course once a week, although I find myself spending more time on a scavenger hunt in the woods searching for my golf ball than on the course.

I list Chris Rock, Louis CK, Jimmy Carr and Bill Cosby among my closest friends, and by close friends I mean 'I have seen them all perform live at least once' which is basically the same thing, right? Okay, maybe not, they were great though.

I've recently started on the path to star chefdom and already make a mean steak dinner and an even meaner spaghetti and meatballs.

I'm a bit of documentary buff (thank you NetFlix), but don’t mind watching the odd chick flick as long as you can put up with my insightful commentary. I also find myself gaining an appreciation for art, how can you enjoy a room full of empty walls?

I enjoy following the stock market, there seems to always be some crisis going on in the world forcing me to learn something new. I love learning new things and spend a lot of time reading non-fiction books on topics ranging from finance to biographies. Not a lot beats the feeling of being inspired by people who’ve lived extraordinary lives.

As for the future, well, Europe is my next big trip in September and after that, who knows? Might get back to working on those culinary skills

Netflix, not NetFlix imo

Improved, but I still end up reading it with a rambling voice. All of the "I" really hurts the flow.

Thousand times better than what you had before. It's very personable with a sense of humor, good for getting messages IMO.

Ya that change will indeed make all the difference between getting laid, and not.

The big difference being is that you have already shared a real physical moment with the girl you met in the street, at a party/bar, or through a friend and created a memory. That factor is lacking in the first date from a girl online.

How many messages have you sent out? I'm betting you've probably sent out something like 5-10 messages. This is completely normal. There are times I send out 15 messages and get 0 responses. Other times, I send out 10 and get 4. I know I'm echoing what many others have said here, but it really is a numbers game- just send out a message to anyone that looks reasonably good and that doesn't sound like a complete moron in their profile. If they message you back with something unsatisfactory, you don't have to answer...first messages for online dating is NOT where you want to be picky. That comes later.

As for your stuff (more introverted, don't like meeting people at bars and stuff, financial situation>looks), you basically sound exactly like me- and from my limited sample, online dating is pretty close to ideal for me, probably behind only meeting people through friends and being set up. Not for the last reason, but for the first two. You should stick with it (I still believe you've gone on 0 dates, especially since you said you've gotten 0 messages, right?). I got pretty discouraged at the beginning for essentially the same reasons you did, but it's definitely something I'm glad I stuck with.

Also, lazer, to respond to KNOWING more about them because of their profile...I think its kind of a bad thing because a lot times I'll get a message and be like yeah I'd bang her but most likely not date her. Which is bad because I already have somewhat set expectations for someone I've never even met IRL.

I'm planning to, thanks for the advice.

I finally did get a return message and a few unsolicited messages from girls who I have absolutely no interest in. Converted that message to a phone number and will see where that goes. Just texted her for the first time and hoping to find a way to find time this week. She claims to be a beer snob so a good beer bar seems like a good first date idea.

Are there any other Aussies in this thread?

Truthsayer,

Thank you for the well thought out post. It provided some relief at the time but it looks like I'm getting dumped! I got a voice mail earlier in the day saying we need to talk, through text I asked if we're still having plans for today and she backed out, she said she'd call later in the evening and has not. Pretty crazy stuff to be sleeping with one another and expressing that we like each other one day to a total break down in communication a few days later. I still don't know if I really upset her or maybe that I'm just getting the same treatment her FWB did. In either case, it's frustrating. Live and learn I suppose.

Imagine your girlfriend of 2.5 years doing the exact same thing haha

That would suck!

I talked to her and she said she still has feelings for her FWB, she's going to try to make it work with him and she doesn't want to continue to lead me on. It's a bummer, no doubt, but I handled it super cool. Next.